Kids: Today, I gave my 5-year-old daughter a unicorn pillow pet. She...

By Anonymous - 09/02/2013 20:03 - United States - Chula Vista

Today, I gave my 5-year-old daughter a unicorn pillow pet. She ended up giving him an ill-advised name, and has been loudly proclaiming to everyone she sees that her pillow pet is Horny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 893

You deserved it 4 918

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Same thing different taste

By douglas - 17/07/2011 07:14 - United States

Today, I surprised my four year-old daughter with a stuffed dinosaur. She named it "Horny". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 173

You deserved it 8 247

By Anonymous - 26/04/2014 05:57 - Canada

Today, I bought my niece a plush My Little Pony figure for her birthday. Only after she unwrapped it did I realize that it was meant to be a sex toy for grown men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 779

You deserved it 19 226

By Ed - 05/12/2010 13:53 - United States

Today, I came home from work to find my five year old daughter drawing unicorns on the wall. The same wall that I had to repaint last week because it had puppies on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 652

You deserved it 11 076

By Anonymous - 16/08/2009 17:14 - United States

Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 098

You deserved it 10 949

By :,< - 17/09/2012 17:16 - United States

Today, I took my daughter to a pony ride at the fair. I paid to have her picture taken, and when we got home, I emailed it to my mom. She replied, disgustedly pointing out that the pretty little pony was displaying a pretty little penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 412

You deserved it 2 603

By Anonymous - 18/03/2011 09:25 - United States

Today, I was woken up by my 5 year-old daughter hitting me with a pillow because she had a dream that I was using her toothbrush on the dog. We don't have a dog. She is now refusing to brush her teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 149

You deserved it 4 166

Nice of her

By Bill - 06/12/2009 20:28 - United States

Today, I was sitting on the couch with my 5 year-old on my lap. All of a sudden, she turned to me and said, "Daddy, I love your boobies. They're a good pillow." My own kid just called me fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 960

You deserved it 18 108

By Anonymous - 11/03/2013 23:32 - Ireland

Today, my 4-year-old daughter couldn't sleep, crying that her teddy bear wants to eat her. My husband thought it would be funny to put the bear right in front of her face while she slept. She's now terrified to sleep anywhere but in our bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 701

You deserved it 6 565

Don't worry!

By Anonymous - 22/01/2020 01:00

Today, my girlfriend of four months asked me to babysit her four-year-old daughter. All went well, and she texted me to see how she was. I wanted to say “a little ornery”. My phone auto corrected ornery to horny. She didn't appreciate that her four-year-old daughter was a little horny from her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 905

You deserved it 527

By Anonymous - 04/11/2010 21:44 - United States

Today, I came home to find my younger daughter left her silly band collection on the carpet in front of the fireplace. I now have melted unicorns and princesses stuck in my carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 995

You deserved it 4 190

txgirl2013 14

Sunday 10 February 2013 2:59

Well it's better than my cousin calling his zebra a "stripper" because of its stripes.

kingsian 15

Sunday 10 February 2013 3:05

I say let the child be a child. That's the beauty of being a child the innocent.

Comments

ulissey_fml 22

Sunday 10 February 2013 5:11

At least she didn't choose a Corny name.

dRUMsKELETON 12

Sunday 10 February 2013 5:29

I used to call frogs "*****" by accident, I called my pet frog sir **** for over a year. Let kids be kids, it's just a funny story for later on :)

beanthemouse 13

Sunday 10 February 2013 5:39

Adults have sick minds. For ***** sake, let her keep the name. Horny is just an animal with a horn (eg, the animal is horny as in he has a lot of horns). If I had a kid and she called a toy "horny", I would say "sure, thats sweet" beacuse they do not know any better, and I would not be sick enough to think of the other meaning. Stupid humanity making innocent words rude, nobody can even say pussycat anymore >:(

daminantion 14

Tuesday 12 February 2013 15:48

Watch out we got a badass over here spilling out profanities. Calm down bro, it's a website not a debating office.

ncp246 2

Sunday 10 February 2013 5:44

Hahaha. I did something like that once when I was little with a toy turtle. His name? Turdy....

mikenikes14 8

Sunday 10 February 2013 5:45

What's in a name? That which we call a rose By any other name would smell as sweet;

laurenufert 10

Sunday 10 February 2013 5:56

my sister gave her unicorn pillow pet the exact same name!

love1026 6

Sunday 10 February 2013 5:58

I have the purple and rainbow unicorns and their names are mr. And mrs. Horny.. (:

Sir_Swaggington 6

Sunday 10 February 2013 6:02

Either this FML is recycled or this is a common occurance... I hope it's recycled.

LuisM104 11

Sunday 10 February 2013 6:19

Ahahah! .-.

Ziggy122 15

Sunday 10 February 2013 6:19

So? She's five. She's referring to the horn on its head. Enjoy her innocent mind while it lasts. This'll probably make a funny story for when she's older...