Today, I found out why I receive random drug tests at work. The safety department was specifically told by my boss to check up on me because I always seem way too cheerful to not be high. I've passed every single test. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I decided to go all-natural and go to work without any makeup on. My boss swore I was on drugs, which I guess had absolutely nothing to do with the completely "random" drug test I had to take later in the day. FML
Today, I'm a proud non drug user, but I trusted an oat cookie at my brother's birthday, which was loaded with pot. Tomorrow is our mandatory drug screening at work, my job is government based, and I worked my ass off to get it. Anyone who tests positive or misses the test is sacked immediately. FML
Today, my boss called me out for a drug test. His reason was because my eyes are puffy and bloodshot, making me look high. I've been suffering from allergies all week, but still had to pee in a cup in front of a complete stranger. FML
Today, my boss decided to have the whole staff drug tested and fire everyone who failed. Out of an original staff of 14 people, only my boss, two coworkers and I remain. I now have four times my normal workload and am seriously thinking maybe I should've said "Yes" to drugs. FML
Today, I found out people are suspicious of me at work because I do a good job. FML
Today, I wasn’t hungover at work for a change, after quitting heavy drinking of 10+ years. My boss accused me of being “high as a kite on drugs”, because I was “suspiciously chirpy.” FML
Today, I was told I would not be getting the job I was offered because I failed my drug test. They never gave me a drug test. FML
Today, I had to resign from my job because I tested positive for drugs. I've never taken drugs. FML
Today, while answering an "anonymous" survey about how to keep my school drug free, I told them they should stop drug testing the kids that they know don't do drugs and test the sketchier ones. They in turn drug tested me. FML
Today, I was told I've secured the job I applied for at my local hospital. Being just 19, this is a great opportunity, and I told my parents. They angrily asked if I'd applied just to get access to drugs, then demanded to know how I'd managed to pass the drug test. Thanks for the confidence. FML
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Top comments
MrSassypants 34
On the bright side, you'll probably cheer up about that situation very soon with how cheerful you are, buddy.
dude_itskayley 17
I personally feel like in a sense that's a compliment! A lot of people wish they could seem as happy as that I'm sure! Congrats on passing every test, really showed them! :)
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Comments (52)
saffy66 34
They are right. Nobody should be that cheerful at work ;)
FitFriday 32
Well done OP you get a gold star ⭐️
Lesyriad 14
Heres what you do. Start eating poppy seeds a lot. Then when you get another drug test they will get a false positive. They fire you. Immediately run to a doctor to have bloodwork done to test for drugs be sure to tell him that the poppy seeds gave you a false positive at work and you need to prove its a false positive so they do extensive testing.. He will find out it was just poppy seeds. Sue the company for wrongful termination. Profit.
gintwinsmoore 20
sounds good to me!!!! he'll I'm gonna try that one!!!! thanks #38!!!!
Scorpio1691 29
Just make sure you have a dated photo and 3 independent witnesses (your boss if possible being 1) of you eating said poppy seed food item - otherwise the drug test vs your word.
gintwinsmoore 20
keep passing, OP. that'll show them Assholes not to just single you out.
exoticwaved 9
For someone with a natural marijuana attitude, I'm surprised you even have FML moments. Maybe this is your way of telling people to calm down!! I like it.
InsanePPG 25
I'm also really cheerful at work, and I'm surprised this hasn't happened to me yet. But I sympathize.
ChoolyBooly 32
Same thing happened to me. I also passed all of the tests. After the fourth test my work figured it out and talked to me....I explained that I am just a happy person and motivated. I informed them that I would have to consider quitting if they couldn't trust me to not be on drugs. or at least just give me regular tests with everyone else. They have since left me alone. I am happy to know that they think I am good enough at my job and decided not to fire me. Working with people who now trust me has also been. plus at work. I still don't think I was that crazy....I just smile all the time and am optimistic. What is wrong with not being upset or mad and with always being happy? I would rather keep the feelings for home or a counselor.
Scorpio1691 29
That's good to be so happy and motivated all the time. Its a rare quality - one i know i definitely don't have.
Kittyphysics 21
you can sue you know. thats harassment
Shade1982 21
Not if they have 'probable cause'. Luckily for your boss, that term is so incredibly vague, he can make up pretty much anything and it will be ok. You can try reporting it to the HR department, but it really depends if you will be successful...
PerfectDarkTails 8
A total lack of professional trust that should certainly be reported for.
Randomness90 27
At least you are always a very positive person!