Today, I found out the room I've been sleeping in has black fungus... - FML

By Curles - 17/08/2019 04:00 - Norway

Today, I found out the room I've been sleeping in has black fungus growing on the wall behind the bed. So, that's why I cough until it feels like my lungs are coming out in the morning. Mystery solved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 765

You deserved it 140

The smell detective is on the case

Who the fuck asked you?

Get 'em!

Protection

By Anonymous - 03/07/2020 08:01

Today, I went on my first date in a year or so. It was going great, but after we left the restaurant, we went back to her place, where I was quickly chased out of the house by her two daughters, and her grandfather with a shotgun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 495

You deserved it 135

By wrecked - 11/01/2010 13:43 - United States

Today, I slid on ice and hit another car while driving to work. My car was totalled, and my leg hurt, while the other car had very little damage. Not two minutes later, the salt truck drove by, spraying the road. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 542

You deserved it 3 541

By iloveZELOS - 05/07/2009 04:53 - United States

Today, my boss told me he is a superhero. He has written countless comics about his crusades and adventures. I make fifty dollars an hour less than him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 955

You deserved it 4 449

By youlyingjerk - 01/02/2010 02:12 - United States

Today, I slipped on my icy front porch, fell back and hit my head on the step. I tried to get up, but lost my balance and fell halfway into the bush next to the steps. I then looked up to see my very hot, British, Ex-Special Forces next door neighbor laughing so hard he dropped his snow shovel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 489

You deserved it 3 468

By PeeLeg - 11/03/2013 07:43

Today, I finally got a tattoo of an alchemy symbol that I've wanted for years. I also found out later that symbol stands for urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 519

You deserved it 51 013

By kay51 - 24/11/2012 18:41 - United Kingdom

Today, my room-mates were inspired by a TV show to make a "douchebag jar", into which we have to put money every time we say something obnoxious. It seems like I can't open my mouth without having to cough up £10. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 751

You deserved it 27 367

Mansplaning #2764

By Anonymous - 11/11/2020 17:02 - United States

Today, I got mansplained for trying to help a guy secure a machine to a trailer. Not only did he bring the wrong trailer, he tried to ratchet it onto the axle. I load and unload trailers at least once a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 853

You deserved it 108

Nice victim blaming!

By fuckyoutoothen! - 22/07/2020 08:02

Spicy

Today, I showed my friend all the dirty messages and dick pics her boyfriend had sent me. I included the ones of me telling him to stop. Instead of being mad at him, she flipped out on me, saying it’s my fault because I “dress too sexy” and he shouldn’t even have my number. He got it from her phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 370

You deserved it 162

Bottom of the list

By Anonymous - 19/01/2021 07:59

Today, after my boyfriend used to tell me that, with his demanding job, he just didn’t have the time or energy for a meaningful conversation with me. Thanks to COVID, he works 90% less now, finding time for online college, cooking and new furniture, yet didn’t invest even one extra minute into our couple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 948

You deserved it 211

By anonymiss - 13/04/2009 16:12 - Canada

Today, half asleep, I dropped my pill before I could take it. I quickly picked it up and washed it down. Five hours later, I just found my pill on the ground. What did I swallow? FML

I agree, your life sucks 108 697

You deserved it 25 435

By Anonymous - 02/01/2009 04:34 - France

Today, I marked 600 emails in my gmail inbox as spam and it will take me hours to go through and unmark them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 069

You deserved it 27 826

By apowell5 - 02/10/2009 18:16 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor to try and get answers about the numbness and tingling in my right leg. The Dr told me I was too fat for my pants, and I pinched a nerve. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 557

You deserved it 40 485

Priorities

By AJM - 22/06/2021 18:01 - United States

Today, the father of my children told me he is having gastric bypass surgery, which is 10,000 dollars. He is 9K behind on child support. FML

I agree, your life sucks 809

You deserved it 154

Smart

By Anonymous - 16/03/2011 17:20 - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a date, the first one I've been on since my last boyfriend broke up with me 6 months ago. We were at a restaurant, and at the end of meal he insisted on paying the bill. He wanted to leave a 15% tip but couldn't work out in his head how much to leave. The bill was for £100. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 792

You deserved it 14 637

By orely44 - 08/03/2013 14:13 - France - Rez

Today, after about fifteen minutes of my cat bullying me into letting him get onto my lap, I finally caved. He clambered on, turned around, farted in my direction and got off as fast as he got on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 594

You deserved it 9 569

By notakeeper - 03/01/2014 03:50 - United States - Orlando

Today, my boyfriend wrote me a long poem that ended with, "Please don't get another mister / I regret I screwed your sister". FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 988

You deserved it 4 645

By Coolkid. - 14/06/2009 17:53 - United States

Today, I was accidentally tagged in a photo of a group of people by a 'friend' on Facebook. She later corrected it, apparently everyone had already seen the tag and decided that the comment box below was a great opportunity to discuss how none of them would ever be caught dead hanging out with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 580

You deserved it 3 902

By Anonymous - 31/12/2012 07:58 - United States

Today, while helping out at a retirement home, I had to get a book off a bookshelf. When I reached up, my watch got stuck on my shirt, resulting in my shirt lifting up. I just flashed my man-boobs to at least 20 senior citizens, and one of them even asked if he could have a feel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 647

You deserved it 6 511

By Mike - 17/12/2009 16:38 - United States

Today, I got in an elevator at a hotel. Just as the door was closing, somebody banged into the door and stuck their hand through. I yelled, "What, are you retarded?!" The doors then opened to reveal a mentally handicapped boy with his parents standing behind him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 086

You deserved it 54 560

By Anonymous - 12/08/2019 04:01

Today, in my tidy, small-town neighborhood, I parked my car 50 metres further back from my usual spot just across from our house on a half-empty public street, because it was taken. Apparently, someone didn't appreciate this. So much so, they put a used condom under my windshield wiper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 442

You deserved it 103

Gonna need it

By Anonymous - 22/07/2021 07:59

Today, I decided that I was going to see a counselor due to the high amounts of stress my life. I planned to book the appointment when I got home. As soon as I got home, I noticed I had been robbed while I was at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 066

You deserved it 48

By :/ - 30/01/2016 07:45 - United States - Gilbert

Today, I'm so broke, I walked into a nursing home and pretended to be a gentleman's son just so I could get some free food "for him". FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 941

You deserved it 6 494

Proud boy

By Spaghetto - 10/10/2021 05:00 - United States

Today, I had an argument with my brother after discovering his new Confederate flag tattoo. His main response was, "It's about heritage, not hate!" We're third generation Italians from New Jersey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 998

You deserved it 124

By Anonymous - 20/11/2015 14:43 - United States - Tyler

Today, I found out my fiancé is already married when his wife showed up at my door. That's about the same time she found her husband is gay, and that Ashley can be a man's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 079

You deserved it 2 779

By anonymous - 16/11/2009 06:00 - Japan

Today, after months of trying to potty train my son, he finally told me he used the potty. I went to the bathroom to check. There was nothing there. So I asked him "Where did you go to the potty?". He then grabbed my hand and took me to the cat's litter box. My son has successfully litter trained himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 173

You deserved it 4 049

By Anonymous - 05/10/2013 06:56 - United States - Seattle

Today, I pretended to be deaf to a door to door salesman. He knew sign language. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 011

You deserved it 52 834

By thammer - 24/03/2012 13:20 - United States - Appleton

Today, at my grandmother's funeral there was a fight about inheritance. It was my teenage daughters arguing about what they get when I die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 805

You deserved it 3 024

By Anonymous - 29/10/2009 21:14 - United States

Today, I was driving to work. I saw a cute boy in the car next to me. To try and look cool, I pretended I was talking on my cell phone. I got pulled over and got a ticket for using my cell phone while driving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 228

You deserved it 70 507

By dickface - 01/04/2016 01:52 - United States - Lewisburg

Today, the cut on my face from getting hit with a baseball healed. It's left a dick-shaped scar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 205

You deserved it 1 546

By Anonymous - 13/10/2010 15:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I got fined when my fat dog decided to walk across a private film set to get at the catering area. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 956

You deserved it 10 066

By notsober - 20/03/2012 05:49 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he loved me for the first time. About 2 hours later, he got to hold my hair while I puked, also for the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 987

You deserved it 6 916

By Anonymous - 31/07/2010 15:03 - United States

Today, I was meeting my husband's old friends at his 20 year high school reunion. He introduced me as his 'friend from work' to his ex girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 476

You deserved it 3 727

They are that good

By m…… - 22/08/2021 18:01

Today, my daughter cried because she went to Sonic and they were out of tater tots. When I say she cried, I mean actual tears fell from her eyes. She’s 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 769

You deserved it 158

By Anonymous - 02/10/2012 07:10 - United States - Sacramento

Today, I was sitting in the park with my new dog; I got her from the pound last week. We were enjoying the sun when I noticed that every time a black person walked past, she'd bark like crazy. Great, my dog is a racist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 943

You deserved it 3 168

By FMeRight? - 28/12/2015 20:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend finally proposed to me in front of his whole family with the ring his mother had helped him pick out. Two hours later, I found emails of nudes from another women that had been sent to him a week prior, on his phone. Our flight for home leaves in a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 822

You deserved it 1 616

By Help - 16/09/2011 16:20 - Australia

Today, at work, I found a used condom in the fax machine. I'm the electrical maintenance repair for the company. I have to untangle it from the belts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 982

You deserved it 2 034

By Username - 10/07/2012 15:27 - United States

Today, I got mugged in broad daylight, in a park, by a teenage girl. To top it off, I'm a grown man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 133

You deserved it 9 353

By Anonymous - 20/09/2012 12:31 - United States

Today, I realized just how bad my 28-year-old husband's gamer rage is when I came home to a smashed TV. This is the second TV in three months that he's destroyed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 985

You deserved it 4 417

By bubbalicious - 13/08/2009 20:57 - Canada

Today, I was on the phone bragging to a friend about losing my virginity last night. When I went downstairs, my 6 year old sister was digging through my purse. She explained that she had overheard my conversation and wanted to help me find my virginity. My mom was in the kitchen with us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 648

You deserved it 86 863

PS I Love You

By Anonymous - 13/02/2021 17:01 - Sweden - G?teborg

Today, I had a group project on Zoom with some classmates I'm not so familiar with. When we were done and said our goodbyes, I said, "Bye bye, I love you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 588

You deserved it 293

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Top comments

bluejello2001 17

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Saturday 17 August 2019 7:50

Yikes, I think this post was ghost-written by me ten years ago. OP - If you haven't already, get to a doctor and get checked out. Even if you're clear, expect to be feeling the effects for years to come. For a long time after I had the mold removed, any cold I caught turned into the lingering cough from hell.

TheCrazedHare 7

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Sunday 18 August 2019 4:40

Please go to the doctor, that is actually how I developed asthma. I got super sick and really bad pneumonia, got asthma. You never know be safe!!!

Comments

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Saturday 17 August 2019 4:51

Make black fungs salad🥗

bluejello2001 17

Send a private message

Saturday 17 August 2019 7:50

Yikes, I think this post was ghost-written by me ten years ago. OP - If you haven't already, get to a doctor and get checked out. Even if you're clear, expect to be feeling the effects for years to come. For a long time after I had the mold removed, any cold I caught turned into the lingering cough from hell.

Send a private message

Saturday 17 August 2019 8:39

I had similar in a rented property with a terrible black mould problem. The spores are in the air. Keep the bed a couple of inches from the wall, but first get rid of the mould and ventilate the area so it dries out. I mean, you've probably sorted this out by now but perhaps somebody reading this may need the advice.

Send a private message

Saturday 17 August 2019 14:51

Bleach!! Worked for us!

Trinity Fenwick 7

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Saturday 17 August 2019 15:35

if you own, then you gotta tear out the drywall.if you rent, then you're gonna be rich. SUE.

TheCrazedHare 7

Send a private message

Sunday 18 August 2019 4:40

Please go to the doctor, that is actually how I developed asthma. I got super sick and really bad pneumonia, got asthma. You never know be safe!!!

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 521

You deserved it 71

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 164

You deserved it 283