Miscellaneous: Today, I bought a puppy. I just found out I can't bring it on...

By DroopyDog - 27/12/2009 08:48 - Netherlands

Today, I bought a puppy. I just found out I can't bring it on the family trip. To save me the trouble of finding a friend to take her in, my mum handed her back to the pound. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 885

You deserved it 3 922

Miscellaneous

Sorry…

Another great day to be alive

Unionize

Sorry Danny de Vito…

By Anonymous - 28/05/2021 14:00

Today, I met my celebrity crush in an official capacity, I was completely tongue tied and when I stood to shake her hand, I tripped and fell with my face in her cleavage. She thought it was funny, but I was mortified and my boss suspended me until security footage proves I didn’t do it on purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 029

You deserved it 137

By liu_kang - 16/03/2010 18:55 - United States

Today, my schlong decided to enter Mortal Kombat with my pants zipper. Guess which of the two won a flawless victory? FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 091

You deserved it 7 689

Ominous

By IloveMaroon5 - 07/06/2011 06:48 - United States

Today, I found out that if your boss unfriends you on Facebook, it's probably not a good sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 812

You deserved it 4 389

No thanks, mom

By Anonymous - 08/04/2020 08:00

Today, my crazed and very hormonal pregnant mother told me that I should get pregnant too, so that we can be "preggo buddies." I'm 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 043

You deserved it 114

By Sarah - 21/02/2016 00:13 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boss mistakenly drunk texted me and was talking shit about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 738

You deserved it 1 713

By Anonymous - 28/08/2019 00:01 - Australia - Darwin

Today, I woke up in the shower at my coworker's house, with my clothes on and soaking wet. Apparently, the night before I drank too much and punched my best friend. The sad part is, I passed out on the couch, but somehow ended up in the shower, facing the wrong way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 553

You deserved it 1 776

By Lisa - 09/11/2018 07:00 - United States - Sedalia

Today, I developed a roll of film I'd had sitting around for years. It was all images my ex had taken of him scrubbing his ass and toilet with my electric toothbrush, which I'd used for at least a month after our breakup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 072

You deserved it 311

Wrong place, wrong time

By Anonymous - 23/08/2020 23:02

Today, my boyfriend are I are staying at his parents' while they are away. While having sex in their bed, the whole bed went crashing to the floor. We have no idea what to do, and we leave tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 625

You deserved it 2 179

By Michigan - 05/02/2009 01:18 - United States

Today, I walked past a man handing out miniature Bibles on my way to class. He handed me one, commenting "here, you look like you need this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 668

You deserved it 4 850

By whoopsiedoodle - 21/05/2009 12:45 - Canada

Today, we went out to dinner to a family restaurant, and I was wearing a skirt since it's so warm out. My 4 year old scooted under the table to sit next to his brother. When he popped up on the other side, he exclaimed, "Mommy! You forgot to put on your underwears!" People were staring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 600

You deserved it 64 332

By galladore - 12/12/2014 15:17 - United States - Bensenville

Today, my oldest friend got engaged to her loving boyfriend of one year. Meanwhile, I can't even get my boyfriend of more than four years to commit to a decision of what he wants for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 436

You deserved it 4 901

By Skyhopee - 24/12/2012 19:42 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, because I'm too "high maintenance" during the holidays. Not to worry, though; he's willing give me another chance sometime after Valentine's day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 925

You deserved it 6 272

By smoker - 26/01/2009 02:38 - United States

Today, I was in a hurry to get to work, and in my car I had two drinks settled down in my cup holder. One was my coffee, and the other was an unfinished cup of coffee where I ash and toss my cigarettes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 442

You deserved it 30 307

By ACCCHHHOOOO!!!!!!!!! -_- - 04/09/2015 15:48 - United States - Laurel

Today, my dick of a neighbor tried to file a noise complaint against me, all because I have the flu and am sneezing a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 308

You deserved it 1 614

By wantsleep - 28/12/2016 08:25

Today, my boss continues to think it's appropriate to send me whining texts about work at midnight. Or 4 a.m. I think his complaints about not selling as much candy as he expected can wait till work hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 704

You deserved it 312

By vsf - 02/08/2011 00:31 - United States

Today, my parents wouldn't let me go to the fair because they reckon my IQ is so low, I could quite possibly choke on cotton candy and pass out confused by the hall of mirrors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 965

You deserved it 6 550

By Anonymous - 21/08/2019 22:00

Today, I threatened to break up with my boyfriend over the Trolley Games in Toontown Rewritten for trying to sabotage my scores. We're 24 and 26. FML

I agree, your life sucks 529

You deserved it 1 594

By I'm a moron - 27/05/2019 14:03

Today, I woke up in an empty room. Thinking I'd been kidnapped, I kicked the door in. The previous night was a blur, and thought I'd been drugged. I was actually in the room my friends had put me in last night, because I went on a drunken rampage. It cost me $100 for a new door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 588

You deserved it 3 120

By Dead_Eye - 27/09/2009 05:23 - United States

Today, I turned down an invite to a huge private party that is rarely given to freshmen in college, because I felt bad that I hadn't had a chance to talk to my girlfriend in a couple of days. I called her a couple of hours later. She answered with, "Hey, I'm at a party. I will call you tomorrow?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 628

You deserved it 20 995

By McKenna - 16/07/2011 04:10 - United States

Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 215

You deserved it 17 844

By Ouch - 06/03/2017 22:00 - United States - Amelia

Today, I found out that unlike in movies, you really don't know you're shot until you see the gunshot wound. Then, once the adrenaline wears off, it's complete agony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 949

You deserved it 423

By Laura - 11/03/2011 05:20 - United States

Today, I was waiting for the pan to heat up so I could make myself scrambled eggs. Just then, my mom runs up to me, cracks an egg open on my head, and runs away laughing. I only had one other egg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 472

You deserved it 4 597

By xtammyle - 19/02/2013 07:01 - Australia - Lower Plenty

Today, I walked in on my dad straightening my dog's fur. His excuse? The dog needed to feel pretty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 526

You deserved it 4 490

By colorfulgina - 12/12/2009 18:29 - United States

Today, I dropped my pencil in Bio and I leaned over to attempt to pick it up. Next thing you know it I tipped the desk over and I crashed onto my crush's lap with my face in his crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 287

You deserved it 6 479

By Crushgonewrong - 22/06/2016 21:42 - United States - Compton

Today, I told the cute girl in my office that she looked like she listened to country music, as an icebreaker. She blankly stared at me for what felt like forever, and responded with, "That's the worst thing you could say to a person," and walked away. She hasn't talked to me since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 423

You deserved it 12 781

Why Change a Perfectly Good System?

By queenofthegypsys - 01/03/2020 23:00

Today, while creeping on my boyfriend's ex-wife’s Facebook, I found out that he used to call her the same nicknames he now calls me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 012

You deserved it 867

By simply2010 - 30/09/2010 08:19 - United States

Today, and every day, a homeless looking man walks into my work, sits down and stares. I'm new to the job so, trying to make new friends, when the guy walked in this time, I went over to a co worker I was really clicking with, and went off about how creepy he was. He replied with "Who, my dad?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 722

You deserved it 32 761

By Lily - 02/09/2015 10:09 - Austria - Vienna

Today, my doctor informed me that the tests we've been doing the previous months show no sign of leukemia. I was just about to express my relief when he casually followed up with, "Never mind, there's still a lot of other blood-related diseases we need to look out for." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 852

You deserved it 1 527

That's nice

By Anonymous - 04/06/2021 18:01 - United States - Angier

Today, I told my boyfriend of 3 years that I wanted to marry him someday. His response was, "Oh, OK, thanks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 751

You deserved it 145

By soupduped - 06/12/2009 03:37 - United States

Today, I opened up a can of tomato soup I'd taken from my parents' house recently. After eating the whole can, I started feeling a little off, so I checked the expiration date. It expired 12 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 816

You deserved it 38 254

By cloudberry - 27/05/2012 08:00 - United States - Astoria

Today, I told my mom I was going out to hang out with some friends. She looked me dead in the eye and said, "Don't lie to me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 706

You deserved it 2 697

By kaitlintaylor - 07/11/2010 21:24 - United States

Today, my family went to a football game. It was a little cold, but then it started to rain. I wasn't dressed for rain and I'd left my umbrella in the car. My dad wouldn't let us leave our seats for the whole game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 575

You deserved it 5 230

By Poorman - 11/12/2011 01:03 - United Kingdom

Today, our new boss showed up for his first day of work. I thought I'd seen it all, but he demands that we say "Hail to the King" every time he passes through the office. When I called HR about it, the guy on the other end told me to "man up and deal with it". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 240

You deserved it 4 269

By phoenixditch - 23/05/2013 07:13 - United States - Burke

Today, I was ditched by the guy I flew over two thousand miles to see. His excuse? "I'm just tired. I want to go home and sleep" Later, he checked in at a bar right down the street from the hotel on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 804

You deserved it 5 604

By FML - 15/05/2012 19:02 - Finland

Today, I was told the Mandarin greeting that my new Chinese friends at school taught me was not really a greeting at all. I've been proclaiming "I'm a dumb bitch" every time I've greeted them, almost every day for the past month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 910

You deserved it 8 562

All in the family

By notasgood - 12/01/2010 23:54 - United States

Today, my boyfriend dumped me so he could sleep with my mom without feeling guilty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 412

You deserved it 3 318

Wrong size

By ali927truthh - 12/01/2020 03:00

Today, when I finally got delivered the new kitchen table that I ordered online a week ago, I found out that it was actually a kitchen table for a dollhouse, as I forgot to check the size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 748

You deserved it 2 574

By :( - 27/01/2014 22:31 - Algeria

Today, I woke up after a night out partying only to find I'd wet the bed. I was so ashamed that I rolled my girlfriend into it to avoid taking the blame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 251

You deserved it 62 243

By Killmenow - 11/02/2009 14:08 - United Kingdom

Today, having just told me what a great job I've been doing and how he'd really like to start giving me some more responsibility, my boss asked me if I'd sharpen a couple of pencils for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 668

You deserved it 2 754

Never cross the streams

By caughttt - 10/02/2010 02:52 - United States

Today, I drove my ex-boyfriend home from dropping his car at the garage for new tires. On the way, I drove past my house where my boyfriend was sitting in the driveway ready to surprise me. My boyfriend watched us drive by. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 228

You deserved it 43 500

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24788 6

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Sunday 27 December 2009 16:00

Go get your dog back and bring your mom to the pound.

nishi_fml 0

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Sunday 27 December 2009 16:00

That's cruel to the puppy.

nishi_fml 0

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Sunday 27 December 2009 16:00

That's cruel to the puppy.

GrimGothicAngel 0

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Sunday 27 December 2009 17:02

Its trauamatizing T_T

Ireplywith_memes 0

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Sunday 27 December 2009 17:22

Advice dog is now sad and alone. To whom will he give advice to?!

oopsiess 0

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Sunday 27 December 2009 19:30

Idiot. Why on earth would you assume that you can bring a puppy on a family vacation? YTDI.

MagicMeds 0

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Monday 28 December 2009 1:04

OP didn't assume that... She was clearly going to find a friend to take care of it. But before she could do that, her mother gave away her BRAND NEW puppy. The FML is that she lost her new puppy, not that she couldn't bring it on the trip... duh...

littleblackbunny 0

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Monday 28 December 2009 18:11

I think he was calling him an idiot for buying a puppy when he knew he was about to go on vacation..wouldn't it be common sense to wait until he got back to buy the puppy?

LyricaSilvan 29

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Wednesday 9 November 2016 9:10

Something tells me the mom just wanted the excuse to get rid of it. Why else would she take it back to the pound instead of letting OP leave it with friends?

24788 6

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Sunday 27 December 2009 16:00

Go get your dog back and bring your mom to the pound.

intensitive 11

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Sunday 27 December 2009 18:05

Hahaha.

Teeki_fml 2

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Sunday 27 December 2009 21:26

This.

MagicMeds 0

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Monday 28 December 2009 1:06

*insert mom=bitch joke*

Microbiologist 0

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Monday 28 December 2009 12:30

I'm totally too late - THIS

ichtudirweh 0

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Tuesday 29 December 2009 11:41

LOL

AmbrosiaFan 18

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Wednesday 30 December 2009 19:31

This, totally. Do you live with your parents? If not, then I would have bitched her out for giving MY puppy back to the pound, when I said I'd find someone to take care of her (that or take her to a kennel!). If you do, did you get permission to buy a puppy? How long did you know about this trip?

94musicismylife 1

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Thursday 31 December 2009 3:55

HAHA!

hahafail815 3

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Friday 22 April 2016 20:10

I agree because the pound supports bitches

emilyl_fml 0

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Sunday 27 December 2009 16:02

that sucks big time

wes85 2

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Sunday 27 December 2009 16:04

just adopt her back no big deal. Better hurry tho.

Godless26 1

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Friday 1 October 2010 16:35

adopt her back when the vaca is over, lets hope its a no kill shelter eh? and that op has the money for that...idiot

KJRx 0

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Sunday 27 December 2009 16:05

I agree with #2. (:

cluelessblonde24 0

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Wednesday 23 March 2011 22:48

yupp

rachelxx 0

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Sunday 27 December 2009 16:12

Maybe you should have given it more thought, before you decided to re-home an animal. It is a full time commitment to have a dog. they do not stay puppies forever....... next time make sure you are ready before you decide to get it back or get another. not FYL. FML the puppy's life. If you are serious, go get your dog back.

coffee_addict7 0

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Sunday 27 December 2009 17:19

Maybe you should read the FML. The OP's mom was the one who took back the puppy.

leoofbodom 0

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Sunday 27 December 2009 17:22

and? its still a circumstance the person has to think about. she should of thought about it

PunxsatownyPhil 0

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Sunday 27 December 2009 17:56

She should have thought that the mom would bring it to the pound without letting the OP find a friend to take care of it while they go on a [short?] family trip?

WTFsGoingOn 0

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Monday 28 December 2009 6:42

And this is exactly why people don't listen to animal lovers. The OP gave no reason to believe that they had not put thought into the choice to get a puppy. Their mother chose to take the dog to the pound rather than giving her kid a chance to find someone to watch it. Obviously the mother should have thought more about the responsibility, not the OP. I'm surprised she didn't take her kid back to the hospital when she figured out that she'd have to find a baby sitter if she wanted to have some alone time.