Work: Today, I found out that the money I spent on a very specific...

By BlueyedKat - United States - Huntsville

Today, I found out that the money I spent on a very specific degree was wasted, because apparently, I don't qualify for a job at the place that told me I had to have that degree. FML

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Work

Fight Club Penguin

Delayed proposal

Whackjobs 'R Us

By mistake - United States

Today, I realized what my mom has been calling me for 20 years. She always calls me her "little fehler." With her being from Germany, I always thought it was a cute little nickname. Apparently, she's been calling me her "little mistake." FML

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By The Joker? - United States

Today, two guys proclaiming that they were both Batman attacked me on the street. FML

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32829

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By Anonymous - Canada - Truro

Today, my friends dared me to answer the door naked for the pizza guy. I heard the doorbell but when I answered, it was the little boy from next door participating in a fundraiser. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Point Pleasant Beach

Today, three of my dipshit coworkers kept whining all day about Zayn Malik leaving One Direction, how devastating it is, and what it means for their future. As a pacifist, I've never had to struggle so hard to not beat the piss out of people and hurl their broken remains out a window. FML

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33759

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By Anonymous - Ireland

Today, my boyfriend left me for another girl. My dad's reaction to the news and my tears was to say, "Aww. Gonna write a song about it, Taylor Swift?" FML

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57832

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By asdf1851 - United States

Today, I let my friend who is in 'beauty school' do my hair. I now look like i have a mullet. What was supposed to be auburn highlights is now hot pink. I have a job interview in the morning. FML

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By - United States - Floral Park

Today, I realized the only real accomplishment I've had in my life that I take any pride in is that I've had an FML published. FML

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By helpme - United States - Annapolis

Today, my anxiety cockblocked me. I was in the middle of a wank, about to come, when I suddenly freaked out and had to stop and check to make sure I didn't have any homework due tomorrow. FML

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25512

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By clapping_for_you

Today, in a private discussion, my teenage son confessed to me he finally lost his virginity several weeks ago. Why did he confess? He came to me to ask why it all of a sudden hurts when he pees, and asked if it could have anything to do with it... FML...

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3137

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By diapermommy - United States

Today, my 5-year-old daughter saw a pad commercial. She asked me what they were, but I didn't think she was old enough to hear it. I just told her that they're like diapers for mommies. Now she won't stop telling people that mommy wears diapers. FML

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16961

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By grounded - United States

Today, I went to dinner to meet my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I received a text message, so I pulled out my phone to check. Apparently, his parents have a "No phone at the table rule" and took my phone away until I can learn "proper table manners." FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, an old man started telling me about the high price of meat. I told him I wouldn't know, since I'm a vegetarian. His reply was, "Oh, most vegetarians are slimmer." FML

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28842

You deserved it

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By elmangy - United States

Today, I went ice skating for my friend's birthday. We had to vacate the skating rink so that they could smooth out the rink for the next session. I don't know how to skate and my friends left me. Not only was I the last one out of the rink, but I had to crawl my way out with everyone laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44713

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By lord kuntface - United States - Fort Myers

Today, my computer stopped connecting to the corporate network. I know what the problem is, but our tech support is so clueless that the only thing they do is utter the dreaded words, "Did you try turning it off and back on?" Meanwhile my boss is yelling at me for not getting any work done. FML

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41525

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By zanaruka - 19/5/2020 05:00

The customer is always an ass

Today, an angry customer rubbed her hand all over my face, all while showing me her positive COVID-19 test results. FML

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2530

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By Elizabeth Ann

Today, I no longer need an alarm clock. My cat has learned to jump on my boobs at precisely 7:30 every morning. If I don't get up immediately, she just keeps jumping on my boobs. I'm an E cup. FML

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2552

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By SlowPacker - United States - Minneapolis

Today, my family informed me that we were going on a 10 hour road trip to my cousin's wedding. They only decided to tell me 45 minutes before we left for said road trip. FML

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19690

You deserved it

1448

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By ummmmEW - United States

Today, I was riding the bus. Suddenly, it appeared to start to snow inside the bus, and I assumed a window was open. When I looked up however, I discovered the girl in front of me putting her hair up in a ponytail. The so-called "snow" was coming off of her head. FML

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32021

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to tell the guy I liked how I felt by making him a mixed CD. Confident, I gave it to him. After class, I went to the trash can to throw some paper away. I saw my mixed CD in the trash. FML

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By a.white - United States - Cheltenham

Today, a classmate's mother called my phone, threatening to have my dorm room raided for drugs. Why? She saw our text messages discussing where he would pick up the textbook I borrowed and thought it was the new "code name" for weed. FML

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By chloecamp - United States - Ellington

Today, every house in my neighborhood was vandalized. They skipped our house. Everybody thinks it was me. FML

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56145

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By Anonymous - United States - Ballwin

Today, my wife ate nothing all day due to her morning sickness, but I tried to get her to eat something light, for our baby's sake. I brought her a banana. She yelled at me for being a "pervert" and accused me of just wanting to watch her stick a phallic object in her mouth. FML

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48942

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By amanda - United States - Lafayette

Today, my doctor told me that I suffer from orgasm migraines. Basically, I get an intense migraine that lasts for hours after I have an orgasm. FML

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74790

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By Anonymous - Australia - Sydney

Today, my son turned 8. We watched as he unwrapped a $55 Nerf gun, extra 'bullets', new shoes and a school bag with his favorite TV character on the front and a action figure inside. As he finished he looked me straight in the eyes and says, "That's great ma, but seriously what'd you get me?". FML

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By HkxAliso0302 - China - Beijing

News from China

Today, I've been trapped at home for almost two months because of the epidemic. Now I'm thrilled just to get to go outside to throw garbage away, as if I'm going on a trip. FML

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1650

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By Project-Mayhem - United States

Today, my family went to the Christmas tree farm, and cut down the perfect tree. When we got home we put the kids down for a nap and took some time to relax. We went out to the truck to bring the tree into the house, it was gone. Someone stole my Christmas tree from my driveway in broad daylight. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/7/2020 20:02

Live from Salt Lake City

Today, I’m in a polyamorous relationship with my husband and another woman. She has anger issues and has been very abusive to me, and finally told my husband she wants to break up with me. Not him... just me. She’s still sleeping in our bed with him, and I’m sleeping on the couch. FML

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1447

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By Anonymous - Canada - Red Deer

Today, I had an interview for my dream job. I spent all of last night preparing, researching the company, and making sure everything was perfect. My interview was for 8am. I woke up at 10:30 to an alarm that had not gone off. FML

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By fuck you retail - United States - San Francisco

Today, a girl at my tanning salon was ranting about how expensive it was and how she wished there was a cheaper way to get a tan. I joked, "Like from the sun?" She angrily called me a "sassy bitch", screamed to my boss about me, and then threatened to sue us when he kicked her out. FML

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51494

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By Anonymous

Getting the point across

Today, I was discharged from hospital and I took a cab home. The driver drove really fast and made sharp turns that made me feel nauseous. As I opened my mouth to tell him to slow down, I threw up all over the back seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1589

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By maggotsinmycarpet - United States

Today, I was cleaning my room when I found a nice surprise from my cat. While I was on vacation, she killed a mouse. By the time I found it, there were maggots crawling in my carpet. FML

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37416

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By Anonymous - France

Today, my girlfriend told me that she's scared because her period is late, and that they're usually on time. Five hours late apparently. FML

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34514

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I don't understand the bond between him and his stuffed goose. He's 36. FML

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29694

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By Anonymous

WTF people?!

Today, as an essential worker, some lady tore me a new one because we were out of large sanitizer bottles. Our doors opened at 9 a.m. and she didn't show up until 2 p.m. FML

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1573

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By Max Flynn

Jesus freak

Today, while driving, a minivan cut me off. Pissed, I started honking and cursing. I then went ballistic when the driver waved out the window, smiling. It wasn't until I was at a stoplight that I noticed their "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31315

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By annoyedguy - United States

Today, my girlfriend missed our date, so I text her angry, telling her if she can't make our dates then we should break up, and generally telling her off. 5 Minutes later I get a picture message of her sleeping in a hospital bed from her mother saying "Shut the **** up, she had appendicitis." FML

I agree, your life sucks

18398

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By mer - United States

Today, I told my best friend of 10 years that somewhere along the way I fell in love with him and I think we should be together. His response: "I appreciate the sentiment." FML

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33847

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By ydahs - United States

Today, while in the hot tub with my friends, my gum fell out of my mouth and I had no idea where it went. Later that night I realized it had fallen down my swimsuit and had become adhered to my pubic hairs which then stuck to my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49697

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I told my crush of two years that I love him. He responded with an, "Aww, I'm sorry." and a pity hug. FML

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37565

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By OUCH. - United States

Today, I got my braces off. I also got my tongue pierced. Both by my orthodontist. FML

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41486

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Top comments

By friedpwnadge | 25

#6546760 - Saturday 27 February 2016 20:12

Screw 'em and find a place that will accept your degree.

By silky_mitts | 11

#6546770 - Saturday 27 February 2016 20:27

Still got the knowledge though bro

COMMENTS

By friedpwnadge | 25

#6546760 - Saturday 27 February 2016 20:12

Screw 'em and find a place that will accept your degree.

By wesleyc2110 | 22

#6546763 - Saturday 27 February 2016 20:19

Don't let them get you down, there are more than enough places to get a job

By crazyindynathan | 13

#6546765 - Saturday 27 February 2016 20:21

Most professions don't care too much about the kind of degree if you at least have one. Good luck

By hudnnidnspe | 13

#6546768 - Saturday 27 February 2016 20:26

I'm sure you'll find a job that requires that degree. When one door closes another one opens.͡° ͜ʖ ͡°

By jake131000 | 21

#6546769 - Saturday 27 February 2016 20:26

Get an insurance license! Trust me!

By silky_mitts | 11

#6546770 - Saturday 27 February 2016 20:27

Still got the knowledge though bro

By Chikiriwak | 17

#6546771 - Saturday 27 February 2016 20:28

Well the person who told you that doesn't qualify for his job.

By bananassin | 25

#6546775 - Saturday 27 February 2016 20:31

Why not find another job that requires that degree? Is it for a good job?

By niallo | 23

#6546778 - Saturday 27 February 2016 20:36

Education is never wasted. A lot of the credits you took are necessary for all courses. Go for a different degree. It won't take as long as the first one. Good luck.

By crudeandrudeguy | 29

#6546788 - Saturday 27 February 2016 20:54

Maybe when they said "sorry, we don't hire anyone who doesn't have this degree" what they really meant was "EW, there is no way we will ever hire you".