Today, I found out that a strong orgasm can trigger my girlfriend's...

By aninc - United States - Boise

Today, I found out that a strong orgasm can trigger my girlfriend's PTSD. FML

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2248

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213

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Not my sunnies!

Is that a pass then?

QAnon weirdoes

By fmldailyyy - Ireland

Today, my husband told me he had been cheating on me for the past 8 months. Twenty minutes later, he asked me what was for dinner. FML

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40885

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3058

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By Delilah - Norway

Today, I was at the gym with my boyfriend. He is a bit feminine, but it has never really bothered me. Until I realised I was lifting heavier weights than he was. FML

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30767

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9707

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By angkal2002 - Australia

Today, my five year old sister won't stop saying, "shit buckle fuckle ton." My boyfriend's excuse was that he was teaching her how to rhyme. FML

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30140

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3307

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By Thanks dicks

Today, I got naked in front of a girl for the first time. Too bad it happened when my "friends" pulled down my swimsuit at a party. Everyone saw my penis. I got a boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3601

You deserved it

332

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By Mikey832 - United Kingdom

Today, my brother's girlfriend and my girlfriend went out shopping. My brother's girlfriend bought a pair of killer black heels and a box of condoms. My girlfriend bought a pair of orange Crocs and a vibrator. FML

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46772

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14748

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By Anonymous - Singapore

Today, my 9 year old nephew found his way onto my iTunes. I now have 401 songs titled "aidfj3P" by "ffjiel". FML

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61013

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7133

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By housewiththinwalls - Sweden

Today, after getting stressed out by my parents having a serious fight for hours, I'm now listening to their make-up sex. FML

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44749

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3939

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By Anonymous - United States - Oakland

Today, I went to the dentist for the first time in years. His first comment upon inspecting my teeth: "Meth. Hell of a drug." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30918

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11526

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By adam - United States

Today, I made heart shaped cookies for my girlfriend. My mom's reaction? "They look like dicks." FML

I agree, your life sucks

23016

You deserved it

4185

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By Sky

Today, since my parents always told me that I was welcome to come home whenever I want or need, I decided to stop by. They'd changed the locks and wouldn't let me in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3392

You deserved it

306

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By ItaliczZz - Australia

Today, I left my window open while practicing the saxophone. My drunk neighbours showed their appreciation for the music with a well-aimed firecracker that set my mattress on fire. My landlord has threatened to evict me as she thinks I set it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29458

You deserved it

5662

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By John - United States

Today, I took my 15 year old daughter driving. I yelled at her for not going safely around corners. On the way home, while demonstrating how to drive right, I went around a corner and hit a cement truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8351

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57786

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By Shelly - United States

Oh hey how are you?

Today, my boyfriend and I pulled over to have sex in his mother's car. It was going great until I leaned back onto the horn, waking up our whole neighborhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12037

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46024

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By Anonymous - United States - Houston

Today, my sister asked me, while making a cup of green tea with honey, "I wonder why they call it honey," to which I reply, "Probably some Greek or Latin word meaning 'to sweeten'." She stops, turns and with a serious face asks, "Where exactly is Latin?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

12223

You deserved it

982

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By col - 4/9/2020 01:56

We're on a break

Today, my girlfriend of almost 3 years told me we needed a break, and that we could try again at the end of the year. FML

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1237

You deserved it

131

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By mudafkrmas - Canada

Today, I was trying to look cute in front of this really nice guy. I sure hope he thinks smacking into a pole, rebounding backwards and knocking over an old man is cute. FML

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15572

You deserved it

33262

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By muffincakess - France

Today, I went to buy some spray paint for a project. I've never used a spray can before, so I decided to try it on paper provided. Unfortunately I didn't hold the can the right way and ended up with black, permanent, paint all over my face in the middle of a store. FML

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9903

You deserved it

36952

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I flew home from college to see my parents. Later I found the expensive painting and hand-made necklace I mailed to my mom for mother's day while taking out the trash. FML

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62578

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3113

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, despite my pleading, my boyfriend mounted a set of bullhorns above our headboard. Guess what came crashing down on our heads at 2am. FML

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25421

You deserved it

2515

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I have gotten three calls all day. The first one was my fiancé, saying he wanted his ring back. The second one was my best friend, confessing to me that she had been sleeping with my fiancé for the past three months. The third was the dentist's office singing me a happy birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

411557

You deserved it

21680

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By EMT_Koulianos - United States

Today, I was performing CPR on a woman on her floor while her internal defibrillator kept firing, making her whole body jump. When it fired, her hand went straight up into my nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55016

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4072

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By seriouslybored - United States

Today, I spent a full hour working on my British accent. FML

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10409

You deserved it

40339

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By Nanana32 - United States - Hudson

Today, I fell asleep on the beach while tanning. I was woken up by the flock of seagulls eating the bread from my stomach. Why was bread on my stomach? Because my little brother knows birds are my biggest fear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48552

You deserved it

5997

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By boundandgagged - United States

Today, my brother and his friend ambushed me, tied me to a chair, and put a sock in my mouth. My mom found me 10 minutes later, took the sock out, and asked, "Why are you tied to a chair?" I told her what happened. She looked at me, laughed, stuffed the sock back in my mouth, and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41384

You deserved it

4966

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By Valedict-oops

Today, I walked at my graduation ceremony, proudly wearing my valedictorian cords. It turns out that, after some confusion on behalf of the student services office, I was neither valedictorian nor salutatorian (by 0.2 points). I'm dating the actual valedictorian. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4278

You deserved it

456

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By Michelle - 19/12/2020 08:01

Since when has that been there?

Today, I thought something was wrong with my car battery because my dashboard lights were really low. I paid $77 to find out the dimmer switch was turned down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

322

You deserved it

730

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my partner and I were spending quality time with a newly single friend. She quoted some song lyrics, saying "If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, make an ugly woman your wife...". We all laughed, and then my partner said "Boy, you got THAT right." FML

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30099

You deserved it

3872

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By reese - 11/6/2020 05:03

The arrogance of youth

Today, as always, I had to have my dad help me with my computer issues. Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around? FML

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901

You deserved it

507

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By still learning - Canada

Today, I cut myself while shaving my globes. My girlfriend now refuses to stop teasing me about being "fisted by Edward Scissorhands." FML

I agree, your life sucks

25935

You deserved it

7902

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By Anonymous

Today, my girlfriend and I tried to have sex in the shower. While trying to support her weight, as we got into things, I slipped backwards on the wet floor and fell through the Pyrex side of the shower, with her crashing down on me. I now have bits of Pyrex in my back and have to replace the shower side. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1707

You deserved it

731

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By LadyGore - Canada

Today, I realized the $40 iPhone case I bought to keep my new phone from getting scratched, scratched my iPhone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28288

You deserved it

6524

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By anon - United States - Bloomington

Today, as I passed by the window that looks out on to my front yard, I saw a man out there so I ran to the kitchen to call the police. The operator asked me to describe the man. It was then that I realized the mysterious man in my yard was the snowman I built yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17760

You deserved it

32794

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years confessed that at first, she'd only dated me to get her friend jealous, and that even now, she "only kind of liked" me. I bought a ring only a few days ago, and was planning on proposing to her. FML

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51800

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4115

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By nosleep - Canada - Calgary

Today, my boyfriend read online that oversleeping has been linked to strokes later in life. He's now taken it upon himself to protect me by making sure that I have as minimal sleep as possible. FML

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34966

You deserved it

3221

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By FuckLife - Australia

Today, my friend's kid chased me with a rusty, sharp tent peg and threatened to kill me. When I finally got him to calm down he ran off to his room. Later, I found the tent peg under his pillow with a note that said my name. My friend thinks it's hilarious. I am staying here for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32344

You deserved it

2469

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, a customer filed a complaint against me because my coworker took too long to do a price check. I hate my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21104

You deserved it

1316

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By Anonymous - United States - Boston

Today, my friends and I were goofing off playing tag behind the local church, when I heard a banshee-like wail behind me. Assuming it was one of my friends, I wailed right back and ran. Turned out there was actually a funeral going on, and the wail was from one of the bereaved. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19240

You deserved it

7847

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By anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my daughter admitted to me that the only reason she's nice to me is because I give her money. She's six. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35126

You deserved it

5329

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By YahItsMe94 - United States

Today, was my first day back at work since my wife got breast cancer. I come in and see some people with pink slips and frowns. When I get to my desk I find a pink slip, I go up to my boss and start to curse him out for firing me. Only to find out my pink slip was a fundraiser for my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13741

You deserved it

61325

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By MyBallsForSaleOnEbay - Malta - Naxxar

Today, I screamed like a little girl and scrambled to climb atop the toilet seat when I saw a cockroach running around our bathroom. My 5-year-old nephew came in, slapped it to death and said not to be scared, because he'll always protect me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27037

You deserved it

7183

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Top comments

By mccuish | 18

#7816502 - Saturday 29 June 2019 9:31

This needs a follow up

By RichardPencil | 29

#7816486 - Saturday 29 June 2019 8:37

That’s great incentive to be a Two-Pump Chump.

It’s not premature ejaculation, it’s to protect her sanity. What a guy!

COMMENTS

By Charlie Given | 23

#7816473 - Saturday 29 June 2019 7:40

Well DAMN every man likes to grunt or growl when they come but come on man did ya have to sound like a machine gun 😂

By Jackey | 29

#7816482 - Saturday 29 June 2019 8:22

Well, you'll never have to worry that she's faking it...

By RichardPencil | 29

#7816486 - Saturday 29 June 2019 8:37

That’s great incentive to be a Two-Pump Chump.

It’s not premature ejaculation, it’s to protect her sanity. What a guy!

By mccuish | 18

#7816502 - Saturday 29 June 2019 9:31

This needs a follow up

By Kake50 | 8

#7816622 - Saturday 29 June 2019 18:46

You posted the FML, but imagine how difficult that is for her, too..

By sassypenguinxox | 15

#7816703 - Saturday 29 June 2019 23:57

A strong orgasm from her or you?