Love: Today, I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me for months.... - FML

By need an appendickectomy - Finland

Today, I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me for months. It all started while I was in the hospital, he says, because we were supposed to go out that day, but then I "had to go and get sick". He blames my emergency surgery for his infidelity. FML

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Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Taking stock

Living my best life

By Loser

Today, at school, I offered my friend $5 to climb up a tree and jumped off. I was already having a hard day and just wanted a bit of a laugh. What I didn't expect was to end up in the hospital with a broken arm because my friend jumped on me. FML

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By mr_p - United States

Today, I was waiting to take a dump in a gas station restroom. A 300 pound man walked out, shook his head, and said "I'm sorry" to me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Midland

Today, while BMXing I felt my chain break loose. I only looked down for a split second, and that's all it took for me to crash into a young scooter kid, breaking not only my own nose and elbow, but both his arms. FML

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By fuck you - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, I asked the man of my dreams out on a date. His response: "I'd rather eat my own balls." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Peoria

Today, I finally came out to my dad, who is a priest, as gay. He responded by splashing me with holy water to "banish the demon within" me. FML

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By Miriam

Today, I attended a white elephant party at work and the box I picked had whisky and beer. Since I am a Muslim, I took it to my Christian friend's house and gave it to him. As I was walking there, I passed my imam on the street. Awkward. FML

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By driver - United States

Today, I went to the DMV to renew my license. When I gave the woman behind the desk my name and social security number she looked confused. She then called over her manager, who did the same thing. Getting nervous, I asked what was wrong. Apparently according to the state of Illinois I'm dead. FML

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By rick - United States - Roanoke

Today, I held the door for an elderly woman. As she walked through, she looked at me and told me I was a very handsome man and that I should meet her grandson. The woman was my grandmother, and yes, I'm straight. FML

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By seriously? - United States - Pickerington

Today, I was trying to explain to my mom that I've been having panic attacks. I ended up having a panic attack from talking about having a panic attack. FML

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By kristajoy2001

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. All of the sudden, he whispered in my ear, "Do you want to hear a Minecraft joke?" FML

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By Rainydaze - United States - Hillsboro

Today, the guy I hooked up with last summer who was "going through a divorce" welcomed his new baby with his loving wife. FML

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By empress gleskizor the third of glarkon - Hungary - Budapest

Today, I was eating an onion bagel and bit down on something hard. At first I thought was a really hard piece of onion. The "onion" turned out to be a tooth, and it wasn't one of mine. FML

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By aelia_oups - France - Taverny

Today, as I have been for 10 years, I'm allergic to fruit. After an argument with my mother, she yelled, "Here, have a banana and go kill yourself!" FML

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By jreed509 - United States

Today, while riding a roller coaster I got hit in the chest by a wasp going 80 miles per hour. As if that didn't hurt enough it somehow managed to survive and fell down my shirt. It crawled around and bit me a few times before the ride ended. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Richmond

Today, my ex-husband introduced our daughter to her "new mommy". That's the third time this year. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my girlfriend called me over to her house. When I knocked, no one responded to the door. I decided to check the back yard and found her sunbathing by the pool. I kneeled by her and placed my hand on her butt, kissing her neck. What I heard next, "So this is what you do with my daughter." FML

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By SwimmingInFear - United States - Havertown

Today, I found out where my surprise honeymoon is; it involves swimming with dolphins. I have a huge fear of dolphins, whales and sharks. FML

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By Danielle - Canada - Aldergrove

Today, it's day two of my family's camping trip. Despite the weather, bugs, and portapotties, we were doing okay, until the can opener broke. My husband is stubbornly insisting that we live off cereal and peanut butter for another five days. FML

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By Nathanael Johnson - Australia

Today, after a fun movie night, I found a note on my fridge saying, “It was delicious.” I don’t know what it is referring to, since nothing is missing and we didn’t eat anything during the movie. FML

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By Elliot - United Kingdom

Today, I lifted up my blinds, only for them to detach from the wall, hit me on the head, knock a pile of paper over, spill a can of Pepsi, leave plaster all over the floor and a gaping hole in the wall above my window. FML

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By wantontsu

Today, I had diarrhea in a Walmart bathroom for 15 minutes. Apparently, so did the guy in the stall next to me. He attempted to make small talk to pass the time. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - New Orleans

Today, I started a new job. I'm now trapped in a small office with a woman who says, "Oh my gravy!" constantly. In response to everything. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate for the first time. A few hours later, we discovered he's highly allergic to my Summer's Eve soap. He looks like he's been attacked by bees. Yay for losing my v-card. FML

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By kids

Today, my daughter was scared to go to the bathroom because she thought there was a person behind the shower curtain. There actually was a person behind the shower curtain. FML

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By SaMike - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend to the movies. She's pretty conservative and I decided after four dates to give her her first ever kiss. As I leaned in she violently sneezed and hit me in the nose with the hand she brought up to cover her face. I broke my nose and got blood down her cleavage. FML

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By TimeForAHairCut - United States - Eugene

Today, I was napping when my little brother cut off huge chunks of my hair. He thought it would turn me into the older brother he always wanted. He's 8. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my wife stopped halfway through a blowjob to check a notification on her phone for a game. FML

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By akward - United States

Today, I began my job as an intern at a high school. I saw one of the students looked very familiar, and I couldn't remember from where. Then I figured it out, I had hooked up with him at a club last week. He's a junior in high school, I'm in my last year of college. FML

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By WIIslave - United States

Today, I went to the doctor to get a pulled arm muscle checked. I told him I had been bowling, and it had just started to hurt badly. He said it was normal for a man of my age (35) to pull a muscle when lifting a ball of 12-15 pounds. I then told him it was on my son's Wii. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to watch the Movie "UP." At one point in the movie I got really sad and started to cry a bit. The 7 year old girl next to me noticed and told me to shut and man up. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I changed my phone number because my old one belonged to a prostitute. My new one belongs to a debtor. FML

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By damn - United States - Kenton

Today, I witnessed my roommate telling a girl that he has "really healthy shits". I wanted to make fun of him, but he got laid by said girl and I went home to jerk off. FML

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By college parking sucks - United States - Deltona

Today, for the first time this semester, I was able to get parking in time for my Wednesday class. The professor was sick and class was cancelled. FML

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By Lolrus - Qatar

Today, I was jogging through my neighborhood and then I notice this cute guy running beside me, we stoped and flirted for a while and my mom drove past. She then rolled down the window and said "Honey, you owe me for the dry cleaning on your period pants." FML

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By SummersEve - United States

Today, I found out the crappy shampoo I've been borrowing from my girlfriend is actually "feminine wash." FML

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By LALALA3 - United States

Today, I finally gave the guy I was with for over a year a blowjob. Right after he tells me "I don't want a girlfriend but I want you to be my best friend." FML

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By kimmybr - United States

Today, I cleaned my bathroom from top to bottom. Tonight, my husband threw up all over the bathroom. He actually cleaned it up himself, including the toilet. I went to use the toilet, put down the seat and sat down. Guess which part of the toilet he DIDN'T clean. FML

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By EffUrEll - Canada - Toronto

Today, while at work, a Beatles song came on the radio. I jokingly said, "These guys are pretty good, are they new?" Everyone thought I was being serious, and now they're convinced I'm an idiot. FML

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By SadOldBag - United States - Estero

Today, I received the gifts of my period, diarrhea, severe dizziness and double vision, and an ant infestation in my home. These were followed by the glaring absence of any gifts from my husband. Happy 40th to me. FML

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By bummed out step monster - United States - San Francisco

Today, I overheard my soon to be step-daughter telling her friend on the phone that she hopes that me and her father's wedding is just a big joke and that he isn't really going to go through with it. I just dropped five grand on a dress and venue. She's in for a surprise. FML

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Top comments

By Why_me_why_now | 17

#5409514 - Monday 18 March 2013 2:30

If that's his excuse, he isn't worth it.

By Palirose | 22

#5409516 - Monday 18 March 2013 2:31

OP I am terribly sorry but you can do way better. Leave him and find someone who is more considerate. Also hope you feel well again soon despite many things being shitty.

COMMENTS

By Why_me_why_now | 17

#5409514 - Monday 18 March 2013 2:30

If that's his excuse, he isn't worth it.

Reply

curlstar | 6

#5409587 - Monday 18 March 2013 2:44

Oh, but if he had a better one he would be? There is NO excuse.

Reply

curlstar | 6

#5409651 - Monday 18 March 2013 3:08

Everyone has one, and they're all full of shit.*

Reply

gotaplanstan | 28

#5409723 - Monday 18 March 2013 3:57

I'm just curious what OP's excuse is for getting sick though.

Reply

emag_eht | 18

#5409766 - Monday 18 March 2013 4:27

39- "I had to get surgery because my appendix burst" or something along those lines.

Reply

Serenityandpeace | 9

#5409891 - Monday 18 March 2013 6:51

39- hopefully it wasn't a c-section

Reply

AKGirlinSD | 20

#5409927 - Monday 18 March 2013 7:30

I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or not but OP gives us a pretty good idea with her username.

Reply

gotaplanstan | 28

#5409944 - Monday 18 March 2013 8:02

Touché..yeah I was being sarcastic, and yeah I also missed the user name.

Was using the site for the first time today and still getting used to it looking slighty different than the app :p

Reply

SweetasCandy0609 | 28

#5409949 - Monday 18 March 2013 8:11

It states in her post why she was "sick" she had surgery maybe you need glasses or something or maybe you just need to actually need to pay attention.

Reply

swagisforchumps | 9

#5410153 - Monday 18 March 2013 12:43

Glasses don't make you pay attention, they merely improve sight

Reply

RedPillSucks | 31

#5410252 - Monday 18 March 2013 14:57

She used the connective OR, implying that there was a choice of reasons the poster might not have seen the reason for OPs surgery.

Reply

L02_fml | 5

#5410564 - Monday 18 March 2013 20:40

I concur... There is no excuse, absolutely no excuse for cheating on anyone. P.S. Hope you get well soon.

By Palirose | 22

#5409516 - Monday 18 March 2013 2:31

OP I am terribly sorry but you can do way better. Leave him and find someone who is more considerate. Also hope you feel well again soon despite many things being shitty.

Reply

courtney680 | 17

#5409626 - Monday 18 March 2013 2:56

Time for a new boyfriend..

Reply

isallwaysme | 27

#5409634 - Monday 18 March 2013 3:01

As clearly stated 21.

By KareBear7364 | 5

#5409520 - Monday 18 March 2013 2:31

Excuses Excuses! Dump his ass you deserve someone to be there for you especially when in the hospital.

By Missy2612 | 11

#5409523 - Monday 18 March 2013 2:32

what a piece of shit. Dump his sorry ass, work on your health and get a new, nice man who will take care of you.

Reply

LaughinStock | 16

#5409877 - Monday 18 March 2013 6:34

Or or a dog those are very loyal, just buy them food and give them love. :D
Edit: Yeah leave his as well then buy dog.

By 143dav | 8

#5409528 - Monday 18 March 2013 2:32

I wonder how people are so stupid. Thank goodness I've yet to meet someone as dumb and insensitive as him. Move on OP, you don't deserve someone like him.

By cieloalicia | 16

#5409533 - Monday 18 March 2013 2:33

He better be an ex by now.. You deserve better than his stupidity.

Reply

ladyLALAA | 28

#5409554 - Monday 18 March 2013 2:38

I agree wholeheartedly. This may sound harsh but if you are still with him you're as silly as he is. Don't enable his infidelity he will just think it's ok to do to the next girl!

Reply

RedPillSucks | 31

#5410255 - Monday 18 March 2013 14:59

The sad thing, unfortunately, is that many women either don't think they can do better because all the choices they make provides them with men who cheat, or they're afraid to be on their own...

By dashizam | 10

#5409534 - Monday 18 March 2013 2:33

This is why we need more male nurses!

Reply

emag_eht | 18

#5409773 - Monday 18 March 2013 4:29

Why? So she can be as bad as he is?

Reply

thosedogtags | 8

#5409815 - Monday 18 March 2013 5:05

I don't really understand how a nurse has anything to do with this...? Good try, I suppose.

Reply

dashizam | 10

#5410115 - Monday 18 March 2013 11:36

I completly and utterly bombed that one. In my mind I made it out that he got himself a super sexy nurse while OP was in the hospital, and a male nurse would have been better for various reasons. Sorry for the long, excruciating comment.

Reply

rougeunicorn03 | 17

#5678988 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 10:47

Okay. I'm glad you explained, because now I don't think you're a sexist jackass.

By Reaper1984 | 13

#5409537 - Monday 18 March 2013 2:33

Drop his ass stat

Reply

thosedogtags | 8

#5409821 - Monday 18 March 2013 5:13

Haha, I see what you did there!

Reply

Serenityandpeace | 9

#5409894 - Monday 18 March 2013 6:53

Clear! The room of all his belongings, and hook yourself up to life support to get over him.

By ShoyuSauceSoup | 26

#5409553 - Monday 18 March 2013 2:37

Wow! What a rude guy! He should have gome to the hospital with you, imstead of.cheating on you! This man has no.geelings. But stay cool, someday you'll find somebody that really loves you.

By little_star78 | 13

#5409566 - Monday 18 March 2013 2:41

I'd tell him to get the hell out of my life before he needs emergency surgery to remove my foot from ass…

Reply

little_star78 | 13

#5409576 - Monday 18 March 2013 2:43

*his