Today, I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me for months.... - FML

By need an appendickectomy - 17/3/2013 20:12 - Finland

Today, I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me for months. It all started while I was in the hospital, he says, because we were supposed to go out that day, but then I "had to go and get sick". He blames my emergency surgery for his infidelity. FML

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Delayed proposal

Live dumping

Get me away from here, I'm dying

By workinggirl - 7/3/2010 17:38 - United States

Today, I went on a date with a guy that I met at a masquerade. The moment he saw me without my mask on, he left the date. FML

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By fucked - 24/8/2014 20:03 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I landed my first job as a security officer. Only after I signed all the paperwork did I find out that the area I'll be working is apparently a hotspot for violent shootings. I'm screwed. FML

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By failedmusician - 3/6/2009 10:06 - New Zealand

Today, my band went to play a set for the first time. I'm the drummer. All was going well, and then before our first song I threw the sticks in the air, went to catch them, and one hit me right in the eye. I couldn't continue playing. Now I have to wear an eyepatch. FML

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By bdayloser - 7/11/2009 05:24 - Canada

Today, I celebrated my 18th birthday. Alone. My only birthday wish came from the police officer who gave me a ticket. FML

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By vegantreegirl - 4/2/2019 20:00

Today, I was using the restroom at work when my glasses slipped off my face and landed right in the toilet. FML

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By Tingly - 16/8/2010 03:12 - United States

Today, I realized that that tingly feeling on my face when I put a new combination of acne wash, acne medication, and my usual moisturizer on was not, in fact, "it working." It was slowly peeling away the top layer of skin. I look and feel sunburned. I also still have acne and oily skin. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/8/2010 06:32 - Australia

Today, my girlfriend of a year exclaimed 'Oh my god!' for the first time during sex. Nope, I haven't improved in bed, I recently moved a tv into my room and something exciting happened on the show she was watching. FML

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By iswearicandrive - 17/12/2010 05:14 - United States

Today, I hit my boss's car. It's only my second day on the job. FML

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By FastTurtle9 - 24/5/2016 20:10 - United States - Long Beach

Today, I've tried literally every possible brand of antiperspirant deodorant available to me in my area. I went to the bathroom to discover I'd pitted out my favorite shirt. It's mild weather, I have done nothing active, and I'm not stressed. My body just loves to make me sweat. FML

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By coffee - 22/8/2010 04:27 - United States

Today, while getting out of Starbucks there was a homeless guy. I bought him a coffee and he was so happy he gave me a hug. Guess whose wallet is missing? FML

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By Anonymous - 19/4/2013 10:17 - Germany - Berlin

Today, it's my only day off work in a while. I told my boss I'd be available via phone in case of emergencies. So far I've been called three times: To ask how the fax works, to let me know it's a slow day, and to ask me where the letter R is on a keyboard. FML

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By something - 16/2/2019 18:00

Today, I was walking home from school and my stupid brother who comes earlier then me locked the storm door. I ended up trying every other door for 3 hours in below freezing temperature. I was numb everywhere. I rang the bell and my brother opened it. He was home the whole time. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/2/2015 11:51 - United States - Desoto

Today, hours after being turned down for sex, I woke up to my boyfriend sitting at the computer, jacking off to a picture of my deceased mom. FML

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By footbloodfountain - 15/1/2012 10:53 - Canada

Today, I realized why buying clear pins for the wall is a bad idea. If one falls out, you won't be able to see it with your eyes, but your foot will find it just fine. I also learnt foot wounds can produce a pretty significant geyser of blood. FML

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By How's the salmon? - 10/5/2015 06:00 - United States

Today, my drunken mother shouted to me at the top of her lungs, "All men are fucking assholes, and your new husband is no different!" during our wedding reception. All he did was ask her how she liked the salmon. FML

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By debiebs - 29/12/2016 12:04 - Brazil - Salvador

Today, I found out that my boyfriend has a Facebook account. He said he didn't have one. Apparently he's not divorced after all. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/10/2012 20:08 - United States - Hobart

Today, while mowing the lawn, I was attacked by an underground hornet nest. I now have many stings, two scared dogs, and a mower still running outside. The hornets are swarming it and some are sitting on the lever, as if to turn it off. It's like they know. FML

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By waterlogged - 22/9/2010 04:14 - United States

Today, my entire region received record rainfall, with torrential downpours all day and night. Today was also the day I discovered my car's sunroof leaks, when I was greeted with two inches of standing water in my floorboards. FML

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By best_friend - 25/7/2011 06:43 - United States

Today, I went to my friend's house because his family was having a move away party for him. Everything was going good until his dad decided to give a toast. Including an anecdote about how he walked in on us watching porn together. FML

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By Idiocracy - 24/4/2009 04:36 - United States

Today, my boss confessed to me that she doesn't know how to change the staples in the staplers at work, so she just switches them when they run out. We work at an office supply store. She makes six figures. I make $10 an hour. And she just got awarded a trip to Aruba for doing a "great job". FML

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By bleurghh - 31/12/2011 15:06 - United Kingdom

Today, I saw a guy I like when I was out shopping. We acknowledged each other with a little wave, but as I walked away, I heard him say to his friend, "She's never gonna get me with THAT moustache." FML

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By missmom83 - 24/4/2014 15:28 - United States - Torrington

Today, my toddler found my daughter's recorder from 3rd grade and figured out how to play the highest pitch note. Of course, my daughter pulls out her trombone to have a jam session. And I'm out of ibuprofen. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/4/2013 08:30

Today, I had a lunch meeting with important people from my company. While drinking from my wine glass someone cracked a joke, causing me to snort a fountain of wine all over my lap, splashing the people next to me. The horrified look on my boss's face sitting opposite me said everything. FML

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By college parking sucks - 30/9/2015 17:16 - United States - Deltona

Today, for the first time this semester, I was able to get parking in time for my Wednesday class. The professor was sick and class was cancelled. FML

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By Terrance - 14/8/2019 23:01 - United Kingdom - Basingstoke

Today, I tried to point out to a chap in a van waiting at the lights that his tyre was flat, and that the rim had been spitting sparks all the way down the road. I was told in no uncertain terms, “Mind your own bleedin' business!” FML

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By Anonymous - 29/6/2013 17:18 - Czech Republic

Today, I was sitting at my favorite coffee shop, when a creepy 50-ish looking guy sat at my table. He asked if I'm into submissive guys, and if I wanted to dominate him. I'm a 17-year-old girl, and am now scared to ever go back there. FML

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By Cali girl - 3/4/2014 16:36 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up again to a warm trickling sensation on my neck. It would seem my rabbit has a thing for doing his business on me to wake me up. FML

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By embarrassed - 18/11/2010 02:31

Today, I auditioned for a part in a play. I've been practicing for months, and was very excited. After I finished singing, the director whispered something to the other judges, and they all laughed. Hard. So much for the lead role. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/7/2018 01:30

Today, while bringing my baby an early-morning bottle, I tripped over a ball and fell into the glass coffee table, smashing it and cutting myself pretty badly. My husband slept through the whole thing, but the neighbors came by to tell me to keep it down. FML

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By Wallz99 - 19/4/2013 06:00 - Pakistan - Plot

Today, my long-distance girlfriend drunk dialed me and told me she was horny. Surprised, I exclaimed, "You're horny?" without realizing my boss was right next to me. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/4/2020 17:00

The student becomes the master

Today, I threatened my kids I’d turn off their WiFi unless they did their chores, so my eldest chimed in, "Please, we changed the WiFi password months ago in case you tried to threaten us like this," then turned off my WiFi, which I need to work from home. I had to beg a 12-year-old to let me work. FML

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By - 22/1/2017 16:00

Today, while I was at the gym, I saw a guy walk into the girls locker room. I was walking nearby so I said, "Hey man, that's the wrong one." Turns out it was just a very masculine-looking woman, with a very masculine haircut. FML

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By nosexforthee - 23/1/2015 19:25 - United States - Katy

Today, during a family game of basketball, my 15 year old son shoved me hard to get the ball. I fell and cut my arm badly on the ground. I yelled at him for being an idiot. He replied "Oh jeez, a bleeding woman being a bitch, what a fucking shocker." My husband doubled over laughing. FML

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By izzy - 15/5/2017 04:00

Today, my sister told me she is getting married and asked me to be the Co-Maid of Honor. Who is the first maid of honor? Her cat. She is serious. FML

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By thatguythere858 - 13/8/2011 19:04 - United States

Today, I woke up with a foul stench forcing its way up my nostrils. It turns out our septic tank broke, and is now leaking into our backyard, and sadly, our basement. I live in the basement. FML

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By - 19/3/2019 08:00 - New Zealand - Palmerston North

Today, I've reached a level of tired I didn't think was possible. I've had less than 3 hours sleep in the last 72 hours and have not slept more than 20 minutes each stretch because my newborn is so unsettled. The baby has been peacefully sleeping for the last 3 hours and I can't sleep. FML

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By sdfsdf - 22/1/2010 16:28 - United States

Today, I went to contest a parking ticket in court. I came out 3 hours later, all charges clear, to a new parking ticket on my windshield, for the same amount I just got cleared. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/8/2014 14:18 - United Kingdom - Paignton

Today, a potential customer was looking at a treadmill at the fitness warehouse I work at. Once he was done testing it out, I asked him if he'd like me to order it for him. His reply? "Nah. I only had a go on it 'cause it looked like fun. Hey, but you could order one for yourself, huh, chubs?" FML

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By iamgermantoo - 21/2/2017 15:00 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I contacted my landlady to tell her that I approved of the girl she recommended for a sublet. She then told me she thinks this girl is a neo-Nazi. Why? The e-mails she sent to the girl were rejected as spam. Apparently, this and being German qualifies you to be a neo-Nazi. FML

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By SerenityJ - 27/9/2013 20:00 - United States - Mountain View

Today, while sitting in a crowded waiting room at the doctor's office, my 5-year-old daughter pointed at my 6-year-old son's crotch and boomed, "MOM, WHY DOES ANDY HAVE A FINGER DOWN THERE?" to which he yelled, "IT'S CALLED A COCK!" FML

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Top comments

By Why_me_why_now | 17

#5409514 - Monday 18 March 2013 2:30

If that's his excuse, he isn't worth it.

By Palirose | 22

#5409516 - Monday 18 March 2013 2:31

OP I am terribly sorry but you can do way better. Leave him and find someone who is more considerate. Also hope you feel well again soon despite many things being shitty.

COMMENTS

By Why_me_why_now | 17

#5409514 - Monday 18 March 2013 2:30

If that's his excuse, he isn't worth it.

Reply

curlstar | 6

#5409587 - Monday 18 March 2013 2:44

Oh, but if he had a better one he would be? There is NO excuse.

Reply

curlstar | 6

#5409651 - Monday 18 March 2013 3:08

Everyone has one, and they're all full of shit.*

Reply

gotaplanstan | 28

#5409723 - Monday 18 March 2013 3:57

I'm just curious what OP's excuse is for getting sick though.

Reply

emag_eht | 18

#5409766 - Monday 18 March 2013 4:27

39- "I had to get surgery because my appendix burst" or something along those lines.

Reply

Serenityandpeace | 9

#5409891 - Monday 18 March 2013 6:51

39- hopefully it wasn't a c-section

Reply

AKGirlinSD | 20

#5409927 - Monday 18 March 2013 7:30

I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or not but OP gives us a pretty good idea with her username.

Reply

gotaplanstan | 28

#5409944 - Monday 18 March 2013 8:02

Touché..yeah I was being sarcastic, and yeah I also missed the user name.

Was using the site for the first time today and still getting used to it looking slighty different than the app :p

Reply

SweetasCandy0609 | 28

#5409949 - Monday 18 March 2013 8:11

It states in her post why she was "sick" she had surgery maybe you need glasses or something or maybe you just need to actually need to pay attention.

Reply

swagisforchumps | 9

#5410153 - Monday 18 March 2013 12:43

Glasses don't make you pay attention, they merely improve sight

Reply

RedPillSucks | 31

#5410252 - Monday 18 March 2013 14:57

She used the connective OR, implying that there was a choice of reasons the poster might not have seen the reason for OPs surgery.

Reply

L02_fml | 5

#5410564 - Monday 18 March 2013 20:40

I concur... There is no excuse, absolutely no excuse for cheating on anyone. P.S. Hope you get well soon.

By Palirose | 22

#5409516 - Monday 18 March 2013 2:31

OP I am terribly sorry but you can do way better. Leave him and find someone who is more considerate. Also hope you feel well again soon despite many things being shitty.

Reply

courtney680 | 17

#5409626 - Monday 18 March 2013 2:56

Time for a new boyfriend..

Reply

isallwaysme | 27

#5409634 - Monday 18 March 2013 3:01

As clearly stated 21.

By KareBear7364 | 5

#5409520 - Monday 18 March 2013 2:31

Excuses Excuses! Dump his ass you deserve someone to be there for you especially when in the hospital.

By Missy2612 | 11

#5409523 - Monday 18 March 2013 2:32

what a piece of shit. Dump his sorry ass, work on your health and get a new, nice man who will take care of you.

Reply

LaughinStock | 16

#5409877 - Monday 18 March 2013 6:34

Or or a dog those are very loyal, just buy them food and give them love. :D
Edit: Yeah leave his as well then buy dog.

By 143dav | 8

#5409528 - Monday 18 March 2013 2:32

I wonder how people are so stupid. Thank goodness I've yet to meet someone as dumb and insensitive as him. Move on OP, you don't deserve someone like him.

By cieloalicia | 16

#5409533 - Monday 18 March 2013 2:33

He better be an ex by now.. You deserve better than his stupidity.

Reply

ladyLALAA | 28

#5409554 - Monday 18 March 2013 2:38

I agree wholeheartedly. This may sound harsh but if you are still with him you're as silly as he is. Don't enable his infidelity he will just think it's ok to do to the next girl!

Reply

RedPillSucks | 31

#5410255 - Monday 18 March 2013 14:59

The sad thing, unfortunately, is that many women either don't think they can do better because all the choices they make provides them with men who cheat, or they're afraid to be on their own...

By dashizam | 10

#5409534 - Monday 18 March 2013 2:33

This is why we need more male nurses!

Reply

emag_eht | 18

#5409773 - Monday 18 March 2013 4:29

Why? So she can be as bad as he is?

Reply

thosedogtags | 8

#5409815 - Monday 18 March 2013 5:05

I don't really understand how a nurse has anything to do with this...? Good try, I suppose.

Reply

dashizam | 10

#5410115 - Monday 18 March 2013 11:36

I completly and utterly bombed that one. In my mind I made it out that he got himself a super sexy nurse while OP was in the hospital, and a male nurse would have been better for various reasons. Sorry for the long, excruciating comment.

Reply

rougeunicorn03 | 17

#5678988 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 10:47

Okay. I'm glad you explained, because now I don't think you're a sexist jackass.

By Reaper1984 | 13

#5409537 - Monday 18 March 2013 2:33

Drop his ass stat

Reply

thosedogtags | 8

#5409821 - Monday 18 March 2013 5:13

Haha, I see what you did there!

Reply

Serenityandpeace | 9

#5409894 - Monday 18 March 2013 6:53

Clear! The room of all his belongings, and hook yourself up to life support to get over him.

By AfroCircusMan | 25

#5409553 - Monday 18 March 2013 2:37

Wow! What a rude guy! He should have gome to the hospital with you, imstead of.cheating on you! This man has no.geelings. But stay cool, someday you'll find somebody that really loves you.

By little_star78 | 13

#5409566 - Monday 18 March 2013 2:41

I'd tell him to get the hell out of my life before he needs emergency surgery to remove my foot from ass…

Reply

little_star78 | 13

#5409576 - Monday 18 March 2013 2:43

*his