Today, I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me for months.... - FML

By need an appendickectomy - Finland

Today, I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me for months. It all started while I was in the hospital, he says, because we were supposed to go out that day, but then I "had to go and get sick". He blames my emergency surgery for his infidelity. FML

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Monetize your shit life

Always ask for documentation

Grow up

By TCRII

Today, my girlfriend came over, drank half a bottle of Jack Daniels and pissed in my sink. I broke up with her and went out with friends. I met a woman and brought her home to watch a movie. She drank a bottle of wine and puked on my couch. FML

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By SomeoneElse - United Kingdom

Today, I was in a music shop looking for a new guitar when someone called out someone else's name and jumped on my back. I lost balance and fell forward and broke 3 guitars and damaged another 6. The guy said "Sorry, thought you were someone else" and ran out. I now have to pay £2500. FML

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By OfficeSlave - United States

Today, I found out that my company is paying more for hors d'oeuvres at one party than I will receive for my entire year long internship. FML

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By mayhemily - Canada - Aurora

Today, I passed out in my kitchen and was woken up by my dog. Not because she was worried about me, but because my body was blocking her food dish. FML

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By karmamaybe - United States - Vermillion

Today, I was slapped across the face by a girl in the waiting room at the dentist's office. She thought I was taking a picture of her breasts with my phone. I was smiling while reading other people's FMLs. FML

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By heatherjo - United States

Today, my fiancé decided he wants to buy an engagement ring for his mother, so that she doesn't feel left out. FML

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By Anonymous - Philippines - Las Pi?as City

Today, at preschool, I got to meet the mother of my daughter's best friend. She complimented mine's grades, and noted her quirkiness. I complimented her's for being congenial and being well-rounded. Later, my daughter said they are no longer besties because her mom said I called her daughter fat. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Roanoke

Today, I was in a good mood for once and my professor looks at me and says, "I don't know what you ate for breakfast but you're really annoying today." FML

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By anonymous - 15/11/2020 05:02 - United States

Don't blame me

Today, I got suspended from school for smoking in the stairs. I'm grounded for a month without my phone, TV or any type of social connection. All of this would seem like a fair enough punishment if I actually smoked, but instead I just smell like my parent's second-hand smoke. FML

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By emi

Today, not only does my cat rabidly attack my face if I don't let him sleep on my pillow, but he snores too. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I went to visit my parents after 4 years of not seeing them. They moved without telling me. FML

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By IVOaf - United States

Today, as I tried to get out of bed, I got my foot tangled in my sheets. I reached out to my dresser to avoid falling flat on my face. I didn't fall, but I did manage to smash my fingers in the drawer while still trapped in the sheets. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was laying in bed with the covers over me, when I got an itch on my leg. It felt really good to scratch it so I got really into it. At that very moment my mom walked in, saw me doing a back and forth motion under the covers, gave me a look of disgust, and walked out. FML

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By markymark - United States

Today, I took a final for my law class. As I was taking the test, I noticed the girl on my left copying off me. I wrote all the wrong answers on my sheet while writing the correct answers on my desk hoping she would copy the wrong answers down. I forgot to write the correct answers on my test. FML

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By windskurfer - France

Today, I saw my dad help himself to a sex stamina drink. He and mom share the hotel bed next to mine. FML

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By cupcakemonsteryu - France

Today, I found out that the man I met online was a fake Facebook account, made by my daughter and her friends. FML

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By Criminal - United States

Today, I got a speeding ticket. I wrote a check, and on the way to deposit my fine, I got another one. I put both fines in a box down town, and I turned around to see a cop putting a parking ticket under my wind-shield wiper. FML

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By Halle - United States

Today, my immature step-father rubbed my head destroying the $300 hairdo that took two and a half hours to finish. Three minutes before my wedding ceremony. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a group of carolers was coming up my street, so I went out in the cold to wait for them. When they finally arrived, I waved and greeted them. They huddled up discussing something while pointing at me, then skipped my house. FML

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By el_Jeffe_D - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, as I was walking up to a urinal I heard a small hiss. I looked up just in time to get an eye full of chemicals from the automatic air freshener. I rinsed my eye out and went back to the urinal. It happened again. FML

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By sucked_in - Australia - Perth

Today, whilst vacuuming, I stupidly decided to vacuum the bathroom drain to see what would happen. Turns out it will cause stinking septic water to get sucked into the machine and spew all over the walls, ceiling and vanity. It also causes the vacuum cleaner to stop working. FML

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By NotSoCool - Singapore

Today, I was pulling my trolley luggage at the airport when I passed 2 cute girls smiling at me. Thinking I looked real cool, I kept on walking without paying heed to anything else. Then my brother shouted asking me what was I doing, only to realise that the handle had come off a few metres back. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/7/2020 20:02

Seize the means of production

Today, my job has a policy where you can only have two breaks if you work 7 hours or more. I've recently been assigned multiple strings of 6 hour 45 minute shifts. And no, I can't work 15 minutes of overtime so I can have the extra break. FML

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By Matt - Australia - Tyabb

Today, I went to my girlfriend's house to break up with her. It was a hard decision and both of us became quite emotionally overwhelmed at the time. We began to hug as a final goodbye, then her mum burst in the room and yelled, "HE FINALLY PROPOSED!" FML

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By Shelby

Today, my boyfriend told me that he hasn't showered in over a week, because he "doesn't like to be wet." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to the ER after a fall. Before the nurse did an X-Ray, she gave me a pregnancy test. It came back negative. I joked "No martians have crawled into my uterus, then?" She didn't get it, and I had my head scanned for brain trauma. Never crack a joke in a hospital. FML

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By not-religious - United States

Today, my grandma came over for the holidays. She tried explaining how Santa is actually Christ reincarnated, giving presents to all the good little Christian boys and girls. She'll be staying all week. FML

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By ILoveLamps - Canada - Calgary

Today, I found out that my friend's family has been using red paper to help his little brother with his potty training. "Aim for the red!" they would say to him. I guess today was a bad day to wear red pants. FML

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By notoneatall - Canada - Oakville

Today, I got called a cunt at work by a customer. What could I have said that could have caused them to say that? "Have a great day." FML

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By Satan's Lil elf

Today, I broke my mirror off going to the drive-through at McDonald's. Even the cashier watching was like, "Fuck, dude." FML

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By anonymous - Australia

Today, I came home to my fiancé and his mates playing Monopoly naked in our backyard. FML

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By fml - United States

Today, I was walking through town when I saw a plastic bag on the ground. Trying to be a good citizen, I picked it up, intending on throwing it in the trash. When I looked up, there wasn't a trash can for another hundred feet. So I put it back down. Now I've got a $200 fine to pay for littering. FML

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By Emmz91

Today, I tried keeping a surprise secret from my fiance. Turns out, under the influence of my sleeping tablets, which after I take them, I forget everything I've said, I spilled the beans. So much for the surprise. FML

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By V - United States

Today, I met the man of my dreams. Beautiful, smart, academic, charming, a true gentlemen, totally my type. I am at a bar voted "the best gay bar in the world". FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Calhan

Today, my brother accidentally hit me in the throat. After I stopped coughing, choking, and feeling like I was going to die, he came back into my room, quietly said "I know your weakness," and left. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/11/2020 03:00 - Australia - Warners Bay

What are the odds?

Today, while driving my car, there was a talk on the radio about road safety. I got so engrossed that I drifted and crashed my car into a sign promoting the talk. FML

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By Anon - United States

Today, I was standing in line at a coffee shop and I noticed that there was a bug on the guys face in front of me. Trying to be nice I lightly smacked it off. His reaction was to punch me in the face. Repeatedly. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had nothing better to do than make a penis out of silly putty. FML

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By rachel - United States

Today, my house got broken into for the third time. The nice police officer said that if I didn't want my house to keep being robbed I should, "Fix the place up so it doesn't look like a crummy vacant building." FML

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By melean - Trinidad and Tobago

Today, on my way to school I dropped my money. As I turned to pick it up, I saw an old lady snatch it up. We began to argue when a police officer came over. Not only was I accused of being a disorderly thief, but that old lady just walked away with my lunch money for the entire week. FML

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Top comments

By Why_me_why_now | 17

#5409514 - Monday 18 March 2013 2:30

If that's his excuse, he isn't worth it.

By Palirose | 22

#5409516 - Monday 18 March 2013 2:31

OP I am terribly sorry but you can do way better. Leave him and find someone who is more considerate. Also hope you feel well again soon despite many things being shitty.

COMMENTS

By Why_me_why_now | 17

#5409514 - Monday 18 March 2013 2:30

If that's his excuse, he isn't worth it.

Reply

curlstar | 6

#5409587 - Monday 18 March 2013 2:44

Oh, but if he had a better one he would be? There is NO excuse.

Reply

curlstar | 6

#5409651 - Monday 18 March 2013 3:08

Everyone has one, and they're all full of shit.*

Reply

gotaplanstan | 28

#5409723 - Monday 18 March 2013 3:57

I'm just curious what OP's excuse is for getting sick though.

Reply

emag_eht | 18

#5409766 - Monday 18 March 2013 4:27

39- "I had to get surgery because my appendix burst" or something along those lines.

Reply

Serenityandpeace | 9

#5409891 - Monday 18 March 2013 6:51

39- hopefully it wasn't a c-section

Reply

AKGirlinSD | 20

#5409927 - Monday 18 March 2013 7:30

I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or not but OP gives us a pretty good idea with her username.

Reply

gotaplanstan | 28

#5409944 - Monday 18 March 2013 8:02

Touché..yeah I was being sarcastic, and yeah I also missed the user name.

Was using the site for the first time today and still getting used to it looking slighty different than the app :p

Reply

SweetasCandy0609 | 28

#5409949 - Monday 18 March 2013 8:11

It states in her post why she was "sick" she had surgery maybe you need glasses or something or maybe you just need to actually need to pay attention.

Reply

swagisforchumps | 9

#5410153 - Monday 18 March 2013 12:43

Glasses don't make you pay attention, they merely improve sight

Reply

RedPillSucks | 31

#5410252 - Monday 18 March 2013 14:57

She used the connective OR, implying that there was a choice of reasons the poster might not have seen the reason for OPs surgery.

Reply

L02_fml | 5

#5410564 - Monday 18 March 2013 20:40

I concur... There is no excuse, absolutely no excuse for cheating on anyone. P.S. Hope you get well soon.

By Palirose | 22

#5409516 - Monday 18 March 2013 2:31

OP I am terribly sorry but you can do way better. Leave him and find someone who is more considerate. Also hope you feel well again soon despite many things being shitty.

Reply

courtney680 | 17

#5409626 - Monday 18 March 2013 2:56

Time for a new boyfriend..

Reply

isallwaysme | 27

#5409634 - Monday 18 March 2013 3:01

As clearly stated 21.

By KareBear7364 | 5

#5409520 - Monday 18 March 2013 2:31

Excuses Excuses! Dump his ass you deserve someone to be there for you especially when in the hospital.

By Missy2612 | 11

#5409523 - Monday 18 March 2013 2:32

what a piece of shit. Dump his sorry ass, work on your health and get a new, nice man who will take care of you.

Reply

LaughinStock | 16

#5409877 - Monday 18 March 2013 6:34

Or or a dog those are very loyal, just buy them food and give them love. :D
Edit: Yeah leave his as well then buy dog.

By 143dav | 8

#5409528 - Monday 18 March 2013 2:32

I wonder how people are so stupid. Thank goodness I've yet to meet someone as dumb and insensitive as him. Move on OP, you don't deserve someone like him.

By cieloalicia | 16

#5409533 - Monday 18 March 2013 2:33

He better be an ex by now.. You deserve better than his stupidity.

Reply

ladyLALAA | 28

#5409554 - Monday 18 March 2013 2:38

I agree wholeheartedly. This may sound harsh but if you are still with him you're as silly as he is. Don't enable his infidelity he will just think it's ok to do to the next girl!

Reply

RedPillSucks | 31

#5410255 - Monday 18 March 2013 14:59

The sad thing, unfortunately, is that many women either don't think they can do better because all the choices they make provides them with men who cheat, or they're afraid to be on their own...

By dashizam | 10

#5409534 - Monday 18 March 2013 2:33

This is why we need more male nurses!

Reply

emag_eht | 18

#5409773 - Monday 18 March 2013 4:29

Why? So she can be as bad as he is?

Reply

thosedogtags | 8

#5409815 - Monday 18 March 2013 5:05

I don't really understand how a nurse has anything to do with this...? Good try, I suppose.

Reply

dashizam | 10

#5410115 - Monday 18 March 2013 11:36

I completly and utterly bombed that one. In my mind I made it out that he got himself a super sexy nurse while OP was in the hospital, and a male nurse would have been better for various reasons. Sorry for the long, excruciating comment.

Reply

rougeunicorn03 | 17

#5678988 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 10:47

Okay. I'm glad you explained, because now I don't think you're a sexist jackass.

By Reaper1984 | 13

#5409537 - Monday 18 March 2013 2:33

Drop his ass stat

Reply

thosedogtags | 8

#5409821 - Monday 18 March 2013 5:13

Haha, I see what you did there!

Reply

Serenityandpeace | 9

#5409894 - Monday 18 March 2013 6:53

Clear! The room of all his belongings, and hook yourself up to life support to get over him.

By ShoyuSauceSoup | 26

#5409553 - Monday 18 March 2013 2:37

Wow! What a rude guy! He should have gome to the hospital with you, imstead of.cheating on you! This man has no.geelings. But stay cool, someday you'll find somebody that really loves you.

By little_star78 | 13

#5409566 - Monday 18 March 2013 2:41

I'd tell him to get the hell out of my life before he needs emergency surgery to remove my foot from ass…

Reply

little_star78 | 13

#5409576 - Monday 18 March 2013 2:43

*his