Today, I found a great recipe for dinner, and emailed it to myself... - FML

By Mels - 6/1/2014 20:57 - United States - Boston

Today, I found a great recipe for dinner, and emailed it to myself with the subject "Dinner tonight". Hours later, I'd forgotten all about it, opened my emails, saw the subject line, and thought someone was asking me out to dinner. I got really excited until I saw the sender address. FML

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Social distancing gone wrong

Fashion Police

The past that suits you best

By Mayshod - 3/5/2011 12:04

Today, I met my new neighbors when they backed into my parked car. FML

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By Sparks - 13/3/2011 07:39 - United States

Today, after a few beers, I was exiting the bathroom of a loud house party when the door jammed. I had to climb out through the shower window. It was fool proof until my foot got stuck. I hung outside the house upside down in the dark yelling for an hour before someone figured out where I was. FML

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By toolegittoquit - 18/1/2010 08:28 - United States

Today, I tried to quit my job. My boss just looked at me and said, "No. You can't quit." FML

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By Anonymous - 19/12/2010 00:14 - United States

Today, trying to be romantic, I started giving my boyfriend a neck massage. He gave me a weirded-out look, removed my hand, called me creep, and wouldn't let me touch him for the rest of the day. FML

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By what did I do? - 25/10/2013 11:54 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my ex boyfriend got into a physical fight with the guy I've been casually seeing for 9 months. Afterwards, they had a beer, a long chat, and decided this was my fault and I wasn't worth the drama. FML

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By smh - 10/9/2015 06:09 - Canada

Today, after coming home from a long day at work, I found out that in a house full of 5 adults, some rules still need to be set. The newest addition to the rules: No watching porn and jerking off in the living room. FML

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By SLOMan90 - 26/1/2011 07:45 - United States

Today, my college professor handed every student a note card and told us to rate his looks from 1 to 5. Is this what I pay $20,000 a year for? FML

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By Insensitive - 15/4/2009 16:17 - United States

Today, I was talking on my mobile and walking into a grocery store saying, quite loudly, "Time heals all wounds!" right as I passed a woman with significant burns covering her face. I guess I was wrong. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/10/2017 06:00

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my phone rang. We continued to have sex while I took the call. It was my gyno calling to tell me that I tested positive for chlamydia and that I needed to tell my partner. Yeah, sex ended real quick. FML

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By hellostupid - 28/3/2013 08:19 - United States

Today, I had to convince my 20-year-old boyfriend that not only is his aquatic turtle a reptile, but that it's also cold-blooded and thus can't regulate its own temperature just by going into its shell. He still thinks I'm the stupid one. FML

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By yayibs - 4/12/2015 03:21 - United States - Williamstown

Today, while working at my desk alone and with my headphones in, I suddenly let loose a loud stream of gas. As I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, I saw, in the reflection of my laptop, that my roommate had been sitting silently on the couch right behind me. FML

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By fine - 28/2/2015 05:22 - United States - Danvers

Today, after struggling for over a year with it, and now having it medically confirmed, I told my step-dad about my depression. He gave me a disgusted look and scoffed, "Toughen up, cunt." FML

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By lexithepirate - 27/7/2012 09:24 - United States

Today, I had a doctor's appointment. I left with referrals to both a dermatologist and a mental health professional. FML

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By scott - 10/6/2020 20:08

IT'S ALL TOO MUCH!

Today, my daughter had an anxiety attack. Why? Because I told her she needs to be making her bed every day. FML

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By anonymous - 15/8/2016 03:06 - United States - Pewaukee

Today, a guy I have been crushing on since forever finally talked to me. Too bad it happened after an anxiety attack when he carried me from class to the nurse's. The first thing he said to me when I came to was, "You're heavier than you look." FML

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By Anonymous - 16/8/2012 21:09 - United States

Today, while at the grocery store, I saw my mother. I thought it would be funny to scare her by sneaking up and grabbing her ass. Not only was it not my mom, I left the place with a ban from ever returning to that store. FML

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By ineedanotherdrink - 7/8/2009 09:43 - United States

Today, I went out drinking with a female friend I've been crushing on for a while now. After we'd been talking and had a few, She said 'Man, I haven't gotten laid in months! Do you mind?'. Surprised but hopeful, I nodded. She leaned over, hugged me, and went to hit on a guy at the bar. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/12/2011 02:02 - United Kingdom

Today, at a nightclub, a cute girl started hitting on me. I got into it and we danced. Just as she started getting frisky with me, a guy shoved me off, smacked me to the floor with a right-hook, and shouted, "That's what you get for touching my woman." FML

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By i hit a cyclist - 27/5/2013 11:19 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, I accidentally hit a cyclist with my car. In panic, I jumped out of my car and ran up to him, who was lying on the floor, motionless. As I was about to check his pulse, he jumped up and shouted, "I bet you thought I was dead, asshole!" He then punched me in the face and cycled off. FML

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By potheadloljk - 2/12/2012 02:01 - United States - East Machias

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house when I got a call from my parents. They told me to come home immediately. Panicking, I rushed home. My dad pulled out a clear tube filled with dried leaves. They accused me of having marijuana. It was catnip for my kitten. FML

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By mynameis - 13/11/2009 06:35 - United States

Today, I was walking to the parking lot from class while texting. When I looked up as I approached my parking spot, I noticed the words "F*ck you Dave" keyed into my car. Hi, my name is Clare. Who's Dave? FML

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By buggyluv - 30/6/2016 15:50 - United States - Edwardsville

Today, at my new job, a coworker offered to help me mop the floors since she wasn't busy. I ended up getting written up by my boss for supposedly being too lazy and making other people finish my work. FML

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By Mandy - 7/6/2010 19:27 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend and I were talking about our past relationships. He told me that he broke up with his last girlfriend because she was smart and he suited someone who was quite stupid. He then went on to say that I was perfect for him. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/3/2009 18:45 - United States

Today, while walking to class enjoying the warmer weather, a bee flew down my shirt. I'm allergic to bees so I freaked out and started ripping my clothes off. By the time I was done, I was half naked and there was no bee in sight. Turns out, it was the string on my jacket hood. FML

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By fmlman - 15/3/2013 05:44 - United States - Rawlins

Today, while walking my dog at the park, I spotted my crush and said "Hi!" By not paying attention where I was going, I tripped and fell down. My dog started humping me. FML

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By imfullthanks - 14/3/2009 23:06 - Norway

Today, my mother had to take a stool sample because she has been ill for several days. Curious, I eventually had to ask, "how did you intercept the poo before it got submerged in water?". She yelled from the other room, "you know that little plate with the red stripe". I was eating off of it. FML

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By FMarinasL - 30/6/2011 23:43 - United States

Today, I asked my mother to pay back the $50 she owes me. Rather than paying me back, she raced off to "work". She's been unemployed for 3 years. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/5/2010 11:04 - Canada

Today, I shaved my legs and pits for the first time this summer. It took 3 disposable razors and an hour to get the job done. I've clearly been single for far too long. FML

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By LG - 17/3/2010 04:18 - United States

Today, I found out that I will be spending my spring break alone because my family is going to France. I can't go with them nor go with any of my friends because I have to take care of the cat. FML

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By Sarsippius - 18/5/2013 05:22

Today, I took a nap, and I had a dream that my ex-girlfriend got back together with me. I woke up in a great mood. When I went back to bed, I dreamed that she broke up with me, again. FML

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By firehurts - 8/6/2015 23:38 - United States - Wallkill

Today, I threw a bonfire for my birthday. My boyfriend managed to set my leg on fire by throwing his liquor bottle into the fire. Happy birthday to me. FML

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By catherine - 17/6/2011 11:32 - United Kingdom

Today, I dropped my camera into water. The good news is that it's waterproof. The bad news is I dropped it off London Bridge. All the pictures and videos of my four-month trip around Europe were on it. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/2/2012 20:56 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend confessed to me that he purposely makes me angry, because when I'm angry, I clean, and it saves him having to do it himself. FML

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By ICanExplain - 22/6/2015 20:46 - United States - Sunnyvale

Today, after parking in the handicapped spot of a lot with my placard, an older couple with their 7-year-old grandchild came up and yelled at me for being a lying asshole and taking the parking spot. When I showed them my prosthetic leg, the kid started crying and guess who got yelled at again. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/3/2010 07:05 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were play-wrestling on the couch. I got thirsty, so I got up and grabbed a metal water bottle and drank out of it. He tried to playfully touch it and spill water on me, but instead hit it hard enough to where it slammed my mouth, chipped my tooth, and cut open my lip. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/5/2013 20:17 - United States - Canton

Today, I turned 35. Because I'm still single, my sister bought me a cat to help start my "inevitable collection." FML

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By heartbroken - 4/12/2013 18:39 - United States - Huntington

Today, I took an exam in order to apply for a graduate program I want to get into. Last night, my boyfriend decided it was a good time to break up with me out of the blue. I broke down three times in the middle of the test, and I just barely failed it. FML

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By wimp - 15/8/2009 17:06 - United States

Today, while I was in the doctors they told me that me and my son needed a shot, I went first to show my son that it wouldnt hurt and shots were not something to be afraid of. When they gave me my shot I started crying. My four year old son handles pain better than his 29 year old mom. FML

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By Weezylover - 26/5/2009 08:24 - United Kingdom

Today, my wife and I watched a documentary film about a kid living with severe asthma. In one scene, the kid has a severe asthma attack, and is rushed to hospital. My wife started laughing hysterically at this and after apologising, goes "it's just he sounded exactly like you in bed." FML

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By Preggo - 14/5/2016 17:11 - United States - Memphis

Today, I was food shamed by my boyfriend in front of an entire restaurant and his parents because my meal cost more than his. His mom chimed in saying her meal usually costs more than his step dad's too and not to be upset. I'm 8 months pregnant, of course mine costs more. FML

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Top comments

By blakesinthelake | 11

#5819291 - Tuesday 7 January 2014 0:42

Well was the dinner good at least?

By EverestMelting | 23

#5819295 - Tuesday 7 January 2014 0:45

It's almost like a nice little surprise like finding money but that surprise turns into pain when you realize it's Monopoly money..

COMMENTS

By blakesinthelake | 11

#5819291 - Tuesday 7 January 2014 0:42

Well was the dinner good at least?

Reply

michaelaranda | 28

#5819303 - Tuesday 7 January 2014 0:51

op mentioned it was a great recipe...

Reply

Nordrag | 26

#5819307 - Tuesday 7 January 2014 0:57

Great recipe doesn't always translate great meal. it's possible to mess up when cooking.

Reply

tomwantssnow | 14

#5819319 - Tuesday 7 January 2014 1:15

Not just possible... it's too easy to turn a delicious dish into a disaster

Reply

ShiiteDisturber | 9

#5819386 - Tuesday 7 January 2014 3:13

One missed spice and you turn foie gras into foie gross.

Reply

Lavelle1313 | 11

#5819938 - Tuesday 7 January 2014 19:12

Wordplay at its finest

Reply

incoherentrmblr | 21

#5820074 - Tuesday 7 January 2014 21:52

What a recipe for disaster...

By deathy94 | 14

#5819292 - Tuesday 7 January 2014 0:42

Nothing a little porn won't fix.

Reply

buckeyed | 20

#5819313 - Tuesday 7 January 2014 1:02

You CAN get pretty creative with a wide range of ingredients...

Reply

tomwantssnow | 14

#5819322 - Tuesday 7 January 2014 1:16

Porn won't solve her loneliness. It's not all about sex, bud.

Reply

Raidriar | 14

#5819493 - Tuesday 7 January 2014 5:53

#2, I gotta say, if porn is your go-to solution for things like this, you have to be really messed up.

Reply

Link/DD | 13

#5820451 - Wednesday 8 January 2014 4:39

#2 Your last name must be Quagmire

By rocker_chick105 | 31

#5819294 - Tuesday 7 January 2014 0:44

How do you forget all about that and think that someone asked about dinner?

Reply

Nordrag | 26

#5819305 - Tuesday 7 January 2014 0:55

oh cmon, shit like that can happen to anyone. she didn't necessarily forget, as much as she just read the subject and got a bit excited without thinking.

Reply

rocker_chick105 | 31

#5819390 - Tuesday 7 January 2014 3:19

I suppose you're right, I read the FML a little too fast and misread, my mistake.

Reply

OverFlash | 15

#5819445 - Tuesday 7 January 2014 4:39

OP specifically stated that she forgot

Reply

rocker_chick105 | 31

#5820219 - Wednesday 8 January 2014 0:35

39- yes, I realize. Like I said, I misread the FML

By EverestMelting | 23

#5819295 - Tuesday 7 January 2014 0:45

It's almost like a nice little surprise like finding money but that surprise turns into pain when you realize it's Monopoly money..

By persianninja | 23

#5819298 - Tuesday 7 January 2014 0:47

At least you get some great food!

By olpally | 32

#5819300 - Tuesday 7 January 2014 0:49

Awww! Lol. How do you forget about that op? At least the email reminded you.

By M1DGET_MOOSE | 7

#5819306 - Tuesday 7 January 2014 0:56

I'm in the same boat with you OP. But don't worry, it'll get better(:

By Holltesem | 6

#5819308 - Tuesday 7 January 2014 0:59

Awwww that's too bad. :C

By zoegirl_455 | 30

#5819309 - Tuesday 7 January 2014 1:00

That feeling is the worst. Same feeling happens when you call yourself to find your phone. You find your phone, think someone wants to talk to you and then realize you still don't have friends

By buckeyed | 20

#5819315 - Tuesday 7 January 2014 1:04

Just more yummy food for you!