Miscellaneous: Today, I found a great recipe for dinner, and emailed it to myself... - FML

By Mels - 06/01/2014 20:57 - United States - Boston

Today, I found a great recipe for dinner, and emailed it to myself with the subject "Dinner tonight". Hours later, I'd forgotten all about it, opened my emails, saw the subject line, and thought someone was asking me out to dinner. I got really excited until I saw the sender address. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 911

You deserved it 15 683

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Mind your own beeswax, Amanda

Good boy

By copshop - 10/11/2011 11:40 - United States

Today, I was working the graveyard shift as a security guard. I fell asleep in my car doing paperwork around 2 am. When my supervisor came to check on me, he pounded on my window, wearing a "Scream" mask. I panicked and pepper sprayed him. Too bad my window was closed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 266

You deserved it 35 928

Domestic bliss

By Good_old_Grim - 15/10/2009 13:51 - Latvia

Today, I stumbled upon my girlfriend's Twitter account that I didn't know existed. A recent entry states that living with me is pathetic; "it's just that the current economical situation doesn't leave her with many options." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 676

You deserved it 2 807

Unfair

By Anonymous - 21/03/2021 08:01

Today, I was let go from my job for not being able to come into work early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 888

You deserved it 114

By Anonymous - 01/05/2017 20:42

Today, I came home to yet another kitten. My girlfriend swore to me this would never happen again. When I reminded her of her promise, she told me the kitten will be staying, and she wants me to move out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 829

You deserved it 1 098

By imawesome - 02/03/2012 03:54 - United States

Spicy

Today, I wondered if my orgasms are worth the bother, seeing as I get horrible "I feel like I'm dying" cramps every time I climax. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 837

You deserved it 2 973

Bizarre Love Triangle

By Anonymous - 07/10/2021 05:00

Today, I was told by my boyfriend and best friend that they have feelings for each other. I also just found I was pregnant. We have 16 months left of our 18 month lease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 043

You deserved it 120

By unitywoods - 27/03/2009 18:43 - United States

Today, our entire crew team was at a yoga studio for an introductory yoga lesson. All my teammates could talk about how hot the yoga instructor was in her tight spandex while doing the sexy yoga poses. Everyone, including the coach, wanted to do her. The yoga instructor is my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 073

You deserved it 4 834

By Anonymous - 19/09/2010 05:38 - United States

Today, I accidentally bumped into the fire alarm which set off a high pitch buzzing noise that could be heard throughout the entire dorm. It went on for at least two hours and none of the technicians could figure out how to turn it off. All the girls on my floor want to kill me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 948

You deserved it 7 030

Grateful

By Anonymous - 29/03/2021 07:59

Today, it was sister’s birthday. I decided to give her money instead of a present, because I couldn’t come up with a gift idea. When she opened the envelope and took the $100 out, she looked at me and asked me if this was the best I could’ve done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 082

You deserved it 161

By Anonymous - 23/05/2012 11:44 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I had dinner with my family for the first time in a couple of days. My mum and dad spent the majority of the time arguing whether salt or pepper weighed more. This is why I'm not home often. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 756

You deserved it 2 220

By Byron fiddles - 24/02/2009 11:57 - Hungary

Spicy

Today, I was on an Easyjet flight, next to two attractive girls, listening to a track which starts with a woman pleasuring herself. I don't like this track so I go to skip it but accidentally unplug my headphones, activating my phone speakers and revealing the said woman at the peak of her orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 989

You deserved it 56 534

The Customer Is Clueless

By Conner Johnson - 28/11/2017 05:00

Today, a customer walked up to me with a dog toy and said, "I knew one-stop shopping was a thing, but I didn't know you guys carried dildos." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 120

You deserved it 275

By sfabsits - 17/07/2011 07:00 - United States

Today, while I was waitressing, two girls ran up a tab of $60 in drinks. They ended up not paying the bill and walking out. My boss told me it won't be the first time or last, as he made me pay their bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 838

You deserved it 3 288

By littleone37 - 03/04/2009 18:40 - United States

Today, my mom and sister both told me that they don't like when I come visit with my boyfriend. They love my boyfriend and think he's great, it's me they have a problem with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 928

You deserved it 4 830

RBF FML

By isabelle - 25/10/2021 01:59

Today, my mom grounded me for “giving her a dirty look.” I cannot sense or control my own facial expressions, and they almost never match my mood. I was in a good mood when said “dirty look” appeared on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 682

You deserved it 77

By fungettingdressed - 12/10/2010 12:57 - United States

Spicy

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my fingers got stuck between the wall and headboard. Screaming, he thought I was enjoying the sex and kept going even harder. I have 3 broken fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 724

You deserved it 9 031

By dumbgirl4lyf - 01/10/2012 18:24 - Ireland - Monaghan

Today, I finally realized how stupid I am, when I answered a question correctly in class and my teacher started clapping and cheering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 804

You deserved it 4 484

By Sam - 03/02/2012 04:00 - Canada

Today, I got punched by a man for making fun of his stutter. I didn't. I stutter too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 445

You deserved it 2 647

By Nice 2 inch - 27/06/2011 12:16 - Canada

Today, my grandpa told us he wanted to fit in. His idea of fitting in is streaking in a park at 4:00 pm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 237

You deserved it 3 582

By tingles - 19/01/2013 13:20 - United Kingdom - Solihull

Spicy

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he reached out onto my dressing table to grab the lube. He missed, and found the hand sanitizer instead. I'm not sure who is in more pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 888

You deserved it 8 028

By Mightaswelltutordogs - 21/12/2014 01:16 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I had to find simple words to explain to the idiot I was tutoring that "1/4" is not of a greater value than "1/3" just because the denominator is bigger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 479

You deserved it 5 542

Scaredy cats

By Clauric - 03/05/2016 15:15

Today, I found out my 35 year-old brother got divorced 18 months ago when my now ex-sister-in-law told me via Facebook messenger, and asked me to tell my parents, as both of them were too scared to do it themselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 246

You deserved it 874

By lolfayce - 06/12/2009 18:37 - United States

Today, I was at the costume rental shop I work at, when I saw a kid trying to walk out the door wearing what appeared to be one of our fake monster claws, so I chased him down and grabbed it. It wasn't. It was his prosthetic hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 626

You deserved it 36 323

By nd.11 - 01/03/2010 16:59 - Canada

Today, I was on the city bus, and there was a woman and her child sitting behind me. I began to feel tugging on my jacket so I leaned forward, assuming the child was pulling at my jacket. I sat back and felt the tugging again. After a couple of minutes, I heard the mother say "stop chewing on that!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 577

You deserved it 2 795

By fuckedup - 13/11/2009 19:13 - Germany

Today, I found out that my mom called my boss informing him that I am a little behind on some college projects. She felt he should know that she fears I might not be able to graduate on the planned date. My boss had already offered me a permanent job. I may not get that job now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 929

You deserved it 3 054

Kids will be kids

By Anonymous - 27/08/2020 10:02 - Australia - Murarrie

Today, my son accidentally damaged another kid in the face with a baseball bat, while blindfolded trying to hit a piñata. Except there was no piñata, or blindfold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 646

You deserved it 1 215

By SmileEveryday - 17/03/2009 20:44 - United States

Today, I decided to ask my friend to the school dance. It's one where the girls ask the guys. I spent hours placing signs down his street so he would see them on his way home. As I'm waiting in his driveway with balloons I see his car reverse and go the other direction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91 935

You deserved it 20 362

By aur - 12/11/2008 08:10 - France

Spicy

Today, I remember the first night I spent with my first English boyfriend. I'm French, and when we woke up, I said in my most sexy voice "Oh, I'm so dirty!" It's only when he left that I finally understood the look on his face; I wanted to have a glass of water. I was thirsty, not dirty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 706

You deserved it 7 961

By frenchgirl - 23/11/2009 06:59 - United States

Today, I saw one of my favorite hockey players in public. I had met him once before, and to my shock, he remembered me. I was pretty excited until he started talking to his friend in French. He didn't seem to realize that I'm fluent in the language. He basically called me "ugly psycho bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 597

You deserved it 6 784

By O - 04/04/2016 03:38 - Sweden - Trollh?ttan

Today, I noticed that both my managers completely ignored me when I told them that I'm fully booked, and can't take any more clients. Both of them scheduled additional clients. At the same. Three people from different companies will show up at my office at the same time. Yep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 189

You deserved it 1 422

Mrs Heckles?

By loud sweeper - 07/10/2019 06:00

Today, my batshit crazy downstairs neighbor threatened me with "legal action" for making too much noise. According to her, it’s "illegal" for people in upstairs apartments to use vacuum cleaners, therefore I must sweep my carpets to avoid disturbing her and her imaginary guests. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 047

You deserved it 121

By blueberry_hill - 11/12/2010 16:16 - United States

Today, my thirteen month old son woke me up at 6AM on my day off, by punching me in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 741

You deserved it 6 112

Watch movies

By Anonymous - 26/12/2019 14:00 - United States - Houston

Today, I hired a babysitter to take care of my newborn. When I came home, she was having sex with her boyfriend in the crib while the baby sat and watched them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 567

You deserved it 297

By Wow - 05/07/2014 05:37 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was on the internet playing a game. I have a speech impediment, and the guy running it told me to get off his server for making fun of disabled people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 052

You deserved it 4 217

By UnknownOperation - 04/09/2012 13:51 - United States - Washington

Today, I finally decided to introduce my boyfriend to my parents. Surprisingly, he and my father already knew each other, so I asked him how they met. Now I know where my boyfriend gets all his weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 660

You deserved it 3 964

By GirlinGreen - 30/04/2009 01:34 - United States

Today, I was babysitting a four year old. He was mad and began hitting me. I told him to use his words not his fists when he's mad. He then began telling me how much he hated me and that I should go die and never come back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 277

You deserved it 18 470

By maxthndr - 10/02/2009 05:36 - United States

Today, my boss fired me via text message. I don't have a text messaging plan. I paid $0.25 to get fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 323 709

You deserved it 38 801

By Mary - 13/01/2013 15:49 - Czech Republic

Today, I decided to go to a UV-light party dressed all in white. Before leaving, my little brother dumped a glass of tomato juice over my head saying, "Now you look just like a used tampon!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 334

You deserved it 5 246

By disgruntled - 26/03/2019 18:00

Today, I was passed over for a team lead role at work which went to my older male coworker instead. He repeatedly said that he only wanted the position for the money and didn’t care about leading. When I asked why he was offered the role over me, they said he had more leadership experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 904

You deserved it 248

By Anonymous - 07/03/2014 13:29 - United States - Needles

Today, I was meeting my boyfriend's mom. She was driving us to a theme park that was about 2 hours away. She asked for the address to put into the GPS, so I gave it to her. It turned out to be a farm, an hour away from the park. So much for good first impressions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 164

You deserved it 8 896

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Top comments

blakesinthelake 11

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Tuesday 7 January 2014 0:42

Well was the dinner good at least?

EverestMelting 23

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Tuesday 7 January 2014 0:45

It's almost like a nice little surprise like finding money but that surprise turns into pain when you realize it's Monopoly money..

Comments

blakesinthelake 11

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Tuesday 7 January 2014 0:42

Well was the dinner good at least?

michaelaranda 28

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Tuesday 7 January 2014 0:51

op mentioned it was a great recipe...

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Tuesday 7 January 2014 0:57

Great recipe doesn't always translate great meal. it's possible to mess up when cooking.

tomwantssnow 14

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Tuesday 7 January 2014 1:15

Not just possible... it's too easy to turn a delicious dish into a disaster

ShiiteDisturber 9

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Tuesday 7 January 2014 3:13

One missed spice and you turn foie gras into foie gross.

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Tuesday 7 January 2014 19:12

Wordplay at its finest

incoherentrmblr 21

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Tuesday 7 January 2014 21:52

What a recipe for disaster...

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Tuesday 7 January 2014 0:42

Nothing a little porn won't fix.

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Tuesday 7 January 2014 1:02

You CAN get pretty creative with a wide range of ingredients...

tomwantssnow 14

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Tuesday 7 January 2014 1:16

Porn won't solve her loneliness. It's not all about sex, bud.

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Tuesday 7 January 2014 5:53

#2, I gotta say, if porn is your go-to solution for things like this, you have to be really messed up.

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Wednesday 8 January 2014 4:39

#2 Your last name must be Quagmire

rocker_chick105 31

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Tuesday 7 January 2014 0:44

How do you forget all about that and think that someone asked about dinner?

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Tuesday 7 January 2014 0:55

oh cmon, shit like that can happen to anyone. she didn't necessarily forget, as much as she just read the subject and got a bit excited without thinking.

rocker_chick105 31

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Tuesday 7 January 2014 3:19

I suppose you're right, I read the FML a little too fast and misread, my mistake.

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Tuesday 7 January 2014 4:39

OP specifically stated that she forgot

rocker_chick105 31

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Wednesday 8 January 2014 0:35

39- yes, I realize. Like I said, I misread the FML

EverestMelting 23

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Tuesday 7 January 2014 0:45

It's almost like a nice little surprise like finding money but that surprise turns into pain when you realize it's Monopoly money..

persianninja 23

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Tuesday 7 January 2014 0:47

At least you get some great food!

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Tuesday 7 January 2014 0:49

Awww! Lol. How do you forget about that op? At least the email reminded you.

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Tuesday 7 January 2014 0:56

I'm in the same boat with you OP. But don't worry, it'll get better(:

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Tuesday 7 January 2014 0:59

Awwww that's too bad. :C

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Tuesday 7 January 2014 1:00

That feeling is the worst. Same feeling happens when you call yourself to find your phone. You find your phone, think someone wants to talk to you and then realize you still don't have friends

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Tuesday 7 January 2014 1:04

Just more yummy food for you!

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 17

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 396

You deserved it 82

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 147

You deserved it 87