Intimacy: Today, I downloaded an application for my phone that reads whatever... - FML

By biglady - 17/02/2011 07:02 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I downloaded an application for my phone that reads whatever you type out loud. I started making it say things like "You like it when daddy spanks your tight little ass don't you?" Just as the message was playing back out loud, my mom walked up the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 513

You deserved it 55 613

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Same thing different taste

Big awkward

By JDLAX1924 - 05/08/2010 23:24 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mom came into my bedroom and told me to "Listen to this voicemail." I listened to me and my girlfriend talking dirty, followed by the bed springs bouncing for 3 minutes. I had my phone in the pocket while I was having sex with her and it left my mom a nice voicemail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 802

You deserved it 42 530

By Bucko321 - 30/03/2009 01:18 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. We were feeling a little naughty, so we started talking dirty. I was really into describing a sweaty sex scene, when I heard my dad cough. He had picked up the phone to make a call and had heard it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 708

You deserved it 78 246

In the mood

By Steve - 16/12/2012 06:25 - United States - Oshkosh

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were in the mood for something different. So we decided to have sex in the shower. When we were finished I heard a voice outside the door asking if we needed a towel. It was my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 782

You deserved it 18 359

By lonelyman - 20/11/2009 07:29 - United States

Today, I used text-to-speech just so that I can hear "I love you" for once. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 207

You deserved it 7 585

By ugadawgs09 - 02/11/2011 04:32 - United States

Spicy

Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I heard a notification on my iPhone. I thought nothing of it until we were done, and then I checked it out. My mom had posted on my Facebook, telling me that if I didn't keep it down, she was going to come up to my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 497

You deserved it 14 235

By Anonymous - 20/11/2012 03:19 - Sweden - Stockholm

Spicy

Today, my long-distance boyfriend and I decided to be a bit naughty on Skype. It was 3am so we assumed that my dad was asleep and did some dirty talk. When we were done, I heard my dad laughing outside my room; he'd heard it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 510

You deserved it 17 427

By ... - 18/02/2018 01:30

Spicy

Today, I realized all of my boyfriend's and my dirty messages were being sent to my mom because I'd logged into messenger on her phone once without logging out. She sat me down and said, "I know your mouth's been on his wee wee." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 386

You deserved it 5 597

By Maxime - 20/11/2008 10:19 - France

Spicy

Today, after making love to my girlfriend, I realised that the phone was on the bed and because of the movements, it called my dad by itself. It went to voicemail. My dad will soon have all the details. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 908

You deserved it 9 842

By wowthatwould - 04/12/2011 21:39 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was watching porn when I heard my mom call for me. I closed my laptop right as she walked in my room. The sound, however, kept going. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 400

You deserved it 46 691

By scaredshitless - 03/03/2012 13:55 - Finland

Today, I downloaded an application that notifies me when my phone is fully charged. I had no idea how it actually functions, but I plugged the charger in and went to bed. A couple of hours later, I woke up to a man's voice screaming, "I can't take it anymore!" I nearly wet myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 199

You deserved it 10 736

Next

Top comments

lionandthelamb61 9

Thursday 17 February 2011 11:56

Good going, perv.

ItsaMeLuigi 6

Thursday 17 February 2011 11:58

And she replied, "no, but mommy does"

Comments

sneaux35 2

Thursday 17 February 2011 19:57

looks like someone wants their ass spanked

fmlbiach 0

Thursday 17 February 2011 20:19

I'm a girl and I think that is sexy..but only if he was actually talking to a girl

ameliabeth09 0

Thursday 17 February 2011 20:55

Ydi it for being a creep

instnt1nfction 17

Thursday 17 February 2011 21:47

squeezing for a pleasin'

cindayy77 0

Thursday 17 February 2011 21:54

nice xD

ThreeDaysGrace1 0

Thursday 17 February 2011 22:38

Brb gonna go try that.

MorganJB 0

Friday 18 February 2011 1:04

You guys are freaks..

BadKitty13 28

Friday 18 February 2011 2:27

Hee Hee ! sounds like something my Boyfriend would say to me....... :)

die_hard_fml 0

Friday 18 February 2011 3:59

wow someone needs a life

elainelovesyou 7

Friday 18 February 2011 4:27

Haha, way to go. Check the coast if it's clear before you actually do that.

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The Top

Today, my girlfriend decided to pleasure me with a handjob. It was incredibly painful because she didn't understand that my foreskin isn't as flexible as she thought it to be. I didn't have the heart to tell her to stop until she asked, "Is it supposed to turn this color?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 141

You deserved it 12 377

Today, I volunteered to babysit my niece. How hard can it be to entertain a toddler for a few hours? Turns out, very hard. Within minutes, she'd turned the living room into a war zone, with crayon graffiti and a trail of sticky handprints leading to who knows where. By the time her parents got back, I was ready to sign up for a lifetime supply of earplugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 173

You deserved it 366

The Top

Today, while on a beach with my boyfriend, with whom I've been with for three years, I went on his phone to find a restaurant I'd sent him on Instagram. Instead, I found countless messages to other women, trying to slide into their DMs. Needless to say, everyone on that beach got a free show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 022

You deserved it 235

Today, I was going to hang out with my crush and tell him how I felt, but he cancelled because I had COVID 5 months ago and his mom is afraid I’m contagious. I’m safer to hang out with because I now have antibodies and can’t transmit it. I’ve also had 4 negative tests since then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 131

You deserved it 145

Today, my boss told me to kick out of the hotel anyone who was clearly a prostitute trolling for men. I spotted a woman in a miniskirt approaching a guy in the bar, so I told her politely to leave. Despite the skirt, turns out she's the hotel manager and the man was her fiancé. I got fired so hard and fast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 966

You deserved it 861

Today, I saw an article about how some people think internet access is more important than sex. I asked my boyfriend which he thought was more important. He chose internet access. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 918

You deserved it 7 423

Today, I had to sleep on couch cushions on the kitchen floor because í saw a tiny spider crawl under my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 252

You deserved it 777

Today, I was on MSN with my friend and my 9 year old brother. My friend asked me for some advice about how to give a guy a good blowjob. I went into great detail, and then realised that I had typed it to the wrong window. I gave my little brother tips on how to perform fellatio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 949

You deserved it 114 215