Today, I decided to drink a tea that I was told is good for regulating... - FML

By Anonymous - 16/6/2017 21:00 - Brazil

Today, I decided to drink a tea that I was told is good for regulating the intestine and losing weight. I was drinking it all day. This evening, while on a dinner date with my crush, I suddenly felt some action in my belly and ran to the bathroom. I stayed in there for a half hour and when I finally came out, he was already in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4206

You deserved it

1998

Tweet

Share

Season finale

Minefield

What did I do?

By Clumsyblonde22 - 4/6/2011 11:22 - United States

Today, my aunt gave my cat aspirin because when she touched his nose he had a 'fever'. I came home to a dead cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61045

You deserved it

4149

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/4/2016 16:41 - United States

Today, I joined my grandpa on his morning jog. I didn't last 15 minutes before nearly passing out from exhaustion. He came jogging back home nearly an hour later looking even better than he did when we left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19833

You deserved it

6683

Tweet

Share

By madfather - 23/2/2009 01:38 - United States

Today, I went to the store to buy some condoms for my girlfriend, Kim and I. I was in a rush and when I looked at the cashier realized it was her father. Nervous and hoping to reassure him, I go "don't worry, I'm not using these with Kim." That didn't help. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29050

You deserved it

72369

Tweet

Share

By fmlmylife - 11/3/2009 05:04 - United States

Today, I was walking to school and decided to be a good citizen by picking up a beer can on the sidewalk. I then walked on to my school's campus where I then got suspended by my dean for "trying to rebel", grounded by my parents for getting suspended, and an MIP from the school's police guard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

69521

You deserved it

9191

Tweet

Share

By samantha246 - 11/5/2009 19:46 - United States

Today, I was pulling out of my driveway, and was being aware of the flowers I had just planted. I moved my head to look out my window as not to hit them, not realizing my window was up. I then hit my head break my nose and drive over the flowers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23571

You deserved it

43068

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 22/11/2019 18:00

No feeling - Just conversation

Today, I was touching myself under the sheets at 2:00 a.m. when my very drunk dad walked into the room. I was afraid to move my hand for fear of getting caught red-handed, so I had a 30 minute conversation with him with my fingers still inside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3060

You deserved it

807

Tweet

Share

By annoyed teen - 13/4/2014 03:01 - United States - Boise

Today, I had to work at the restaurant instead of going to the prom, which nobody asked me out to. For five hours, I got to shamefully greet and seat people on their way home from the prom, all of whom knew I was too lame to get asked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49372

You deserved it

4752

Tweet

Share

By nothing is sacred - 23/2/2017 12:00 - United States - Reynoldsburg

Today, I caught my mom using my toothbrush and washcloth again, despite her having both her own bathroom and supplies. I asked her to please not use mine, to which she called me an ungrateful bitch. My dad agreed. Yet they wonder why I've been desperately saving money to move out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7411

You deserved it

480

Tweet

Share

By TaddM21 - 2/1/2015 03:18 - United States - Salem

Today, I dragged my grill outside in the freezing cold to cook a steak for New Year's day. I left my spatula in the garage, and I set the still-wrapped steak on the grill. I was only gone 45 seconds, but that was long enough for my cat to open the wrapper and run off with my steak in his jaws. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29722

You deserved it

6869

Tweet

Share

By ElodieUNU - 12/7/2013 19:33 - France

Today, I went on a blind date. The guy greeted me with a "What's up, bitch?", which I wrote off as him just being really laid-back. By dessert, he'd asked me if my boobs are real, then when we finished, asked how many more dates it'd take before I put out. So much for that. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54732

You deserved it

7722

Tweet

Share

By lalala - 14/6/2011 10:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I was arrested for carrying a dangerous weapon. I was on my way home from the shop where I'd bought a new kitchen knife. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38749

You deserved it

3678

Tweet

Share

By izoliv - 22/11/2008 08:17 - France

Today, after a tremendously hot night with a guy I met the night before, I ask him his phone number. To which he replied: "What for?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

38569

You deserved it

10682

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/10/2009 11:15 - United States

Today, after sleeping with a guy I met at a party, I woke up to find him peeing in the corner of my room on my roommate's carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9474

You deserved it

24149

Tweet

Share

By Yubi - 11/1/2009 15:22 - Belgium

Today, my mother told me: "If you didn't exist, I wouldn't stay with your father". So it's MY fault if she's having problems with him? FML

I agree, your life sucks

31029

You deserved it

2343

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/9/2013 17:06 - Ireland - Donegal

Today, my grandparents came over for a family dinner. I'm somewhat overweight, and my grandma kept making sound effects in time with me doing pretty much anything. When I complained to my dad after she made a long farting sound as I sat down, he told me to suck it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44863

You deserved it

7168

Tweet

Share

By thankspops - 29/9/2010 23:04 - United States

Today, I found out that the $200 a week I was paying my dad for my car insurance and payment, wasn't actually paying my insurance and car payment. How did I find out he wasn't paying? Repo man took my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31523

You deserved it

3297

Tweet

Share

By TooPoorForPrivateUni - 9/10/2016 16:18 - United Kingdom - Mitcham

Today, I got into my dream university. I also got turned down for the scholarship and the loan that would enable me to actually go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13595

You deserved it

1150

Tweet

Share

By caligirl921 - 11/12/2010 06:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. When I orgasmed, my leg flew out and I accidentally kicked him in the balls. For the next ten minutes, he lay in the fetal position. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31910

You deserved it

21021

Tweet

Share

By bdayboy - 11/1/2011 09:17 - United States

Today, some of my classmates brought cupcakes to celebrate my birthday. I took the leftovers with me after class, and when my mom picked me up from school, she asked, "What are the cupcakes for?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

35245

You deserved it

2735

Tweet

Share

By itsellie27 - 30/4/2013 22:23 - United Kingdom - London

Today, through sheer luck, I got talking to an actor from the Harry Potter films who I've had a crush on since I was about ten. I tried to play it cool, and pretend I didn't know who he was. Then my phone rang, with the Harry Potter theme tune. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26140

You deserved it

46702

Tweet

Share

By janegeorge - 12/1/2015 00:39 - Canada - Kanata

Today, a guy called me out of the blue. Apparently, he'd copied my number from a sheet we'd filled out in church. He doesn't understand why I'm "overreacting". FML

I agree, your life sucks

31355

You deserved it

3800

Tweet

Share

By LonelyOtter - 11/12/2018 14:00

Today, one of my female friends decided she wants a relationship with my ex. I told her I was fine with it because we've been apart for years and have been friends ever since. She then made him chose between being friends with me and having her as a girlfriend. I just lost two of my few friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3279

You deserved it

233

Tweet

Share

By jordeshting - 22/6/2011 15:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I complimented a girl on her stockings pattern. Turns out she wasn't wearing stockings. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32615

You deserved it

8587

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/10/2011 15:23 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend was asleep, I gave him a soft kiss and whispered how handsome and gentle he looked. His response, still asleep, was to roll over and let out a massive fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32792

You deserved it

11258

Tweet

Share

By Interrupted - 27/11/2010 01:03 - United States

Today, while I was making love to my fiancé, his mom walked out of the hotel bathroom and sat in a chair less than two feet away from the bed. She made idle conversation with us for the next 15 minutes. My fiancé was still inside me the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38662

You deserved it

8080

Tweet

Share

By FirmlyInEngland - 17/9/2009 09:23 - United Kingdom

Today, the boy I have crush on at school announced that his family were moving to Australia. My friend thought that it would be funny to spread a rumour that I was moving too, in order to follow him. Everyone has heard it, and unfortunately everyone believes it, including him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41104

You deserved it

5523

Tweet

Share

By lyfisdyno - 12/9/2013 00:16 - United Kingdom - Malvern

Today, I had sex with a guy wearing a KFC uniform. Hat included. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25748

You deserved it

73774

Tweet

Share

By skyhawk13 - 30/10/2009 05:11 - United States

Today, at my school's Midnight Madness, I was selected to show my school spirit in a contest. Being drunk, I decided to hump the school mascot in front of 300 people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8103

You deserved it

53674

Tweet

Share

By drunkfacebookuser - 23/10/2010 13:15 - Australia

Today, I got very drunk after being fired from my job. In my depressed, intoxicated state, I posted my facebook status as 'Goodbye world'. The only response was from my dad saying 'cya'. His comment got 29 likes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45583

You deserved it

13835

Tweet

Share

By LosTits - 3/9/2009 17:38 - United States

Today, I saw my boyfriend after not seeing him for 7 months. During this time I have lost a lot of weight and am proud of it. My boyfriend didn't say anything about the lost weight. When we were alone and things started to heat up, he took off my bra and said "I think your tits are smaller." FML

I agree, your life sucks

53640

You deserved it

5225

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 28/5/2011 00:56 - United States

Today, I was really psyched to go see Kung Fu Panda 2 at the movies. Excited, I tried to do a flying kick off the cafeteria wall at work. Instead of kicking off, my leg crashed through the plasterboard and got stuck. My co-workers had to pull me free. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10087

You deserved it

53736

Tweet

Share

By my patience is starting to crack - 12/6/2017 22:00

Today, while working at a retail, I was checking on a customer who had been in one of the dressing rooms for over an hour. After knocking for 10 minutes, I unlocked the door myself, only to find the customer sitting on the floor, smoking crack. This isn't even the first time this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3883

You deserved it

219

Tweet

Share

By anonymus - 18/8/2009 16:33 - United States

Today, I asked a woman where her beautiful accent was from. The woman stared at me for a while. Then her daughter told me that the reason her mother talked like that was because she had a stroke a few months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53746

You deserved it

10243

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/7/2009 14:23 - United States

Today, I finished a fence around my house that I have been working on all week. About an hour after I finished, a water company truck pulled into my driveway. They told me they would have to take down my fence to make repairs on a water pipe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49136

You deserved it

3175

Tweet

Share

By workerbee - 27/1/2009 14:25 - United States

Today, I was on a conference call in my office with the door closed. I let out some loud farts and felt liberated. Forgot my phone was NOT on mute. There were only 3 people on the conference call - including me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7135

You deserved it

22333

Tweet

Share

By Moondoggie_ggk69 - 23/1/2010 17:53 - United States

Today, I was washing my hair in the shower when the water went ice cold. It's 20 degrees outside and we have soft water which takes a longer time to wash away soap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25413

You deserved it

2879

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/10/2011 19:36 - United States

Today, I went out shopping. When I left the store, I saw my ex, who I'm still crazy about. He helped me carry my bags out to the car. When I leaned in to give him a hug goodbye, he stepped aside, and I fell face-first into a puddle. He walked away laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37130

You deserved it

10497

Tweet

Share

By john - 4/5/2012 19:14 - United Kingdom - Reading

Today, the person I've been sharing my most intimate feelings with finally got bored and let me know I've been texting the wrong number for weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29084

You deserved it

4966

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/7/2009 05:57 - United States

Today, my nose was really stuffed up and I was out of cold medicine. I heard spices may help with this kind of problem. Unfortunately I thought red pepper would be a great thing to snort at the time. Not only is my nose still stuffed up but I also have immense nasal pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8129

You deserved it

84650

Tweet

Share

By Retailhell - 22/12/2014 06:25 - United States

Today, since it's company policy, I had to go to the back of my small store to retrieve an item for a customer, even though I was working by myself. I came back to find that since she couldn't get into the cash register, she found and stole my purse instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33290

You deserved it

3405

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By flyingflies | 36

#7471536 - Friday 16 June 2017 21:37

It sucks, that's true, but honestly, what did you expect to happen after drinking all day that kind of tea?

By Tripartita | 44

#7471551 - Friday 16 June 2017 22:13

And then, when you ran out to stop him before he could leave, he greeted you with, "I like guys."

COMMENTS

By flyingflies | 36

#7471536 - Friday 16 June 2017 21:37

It sucks, that's true, but honestly, what did you expect to happen after drinking all day that kind of tea?

By Exocin | 8

#7471538 - Friday 16 June 2017 21:38

Certain teas are only good to consume in moderation. One or two cups a day should be plenty, especially if you don't know how it affects you. Hopefully things went well afterwards!

By Tripartita | 44

#7471551 - Friday 16 June 2017 22:13

And then, when you ran out to stop him before he could leave, he greeted you with, "I like guys."

By RichardPencil | 28

#7471560 - Friday 16 June 2017 22:27

At least you must have done the poop-flush-poop-flush technique well enough that you didn't require a plunger.

That ought to impress the guy!

By jediemma | 9

#7471582 - Friday 16 June 2017 23:32

Never drink the tea.

By bschwartzhs | 5

#7471587 - Friday 16 June 2017 23:46

Those kind of teas (like flat tummy tea) are used as basically a detox. They help relieve bloating and such by cleaning you out. Never ever drink that much of that kind of tea in one day though. Goodness. Make sure to drink a bunch of water to make up for that.

By tonyfan00 | 38

#7471610 - Saturday 17 June 2017 0:47

Guessing he doesn't give two shits...(just like my shitty jokes...)

By ProperPengTing | 15

#7471651 - Saturday 17 June 2017 5:05

Shouldve drank it weeks prior, LOL. Da.

By VeryTiredMomof3 | 17

#7471701 - Saturday 17 June 2017 8:34

FYI for drinking the tea, when you know that it will have a laxative result on a day that you knowingly had a date

Reply

VeryTiredMomof3 | 17

#7471703 - Saturday 17 June 2017 8:36

YDI not FYI. Autocorrect gets me again.

By Dave_Davington | 33

#7471719 - Saturday 17 June 2017 9:29

So basically, you knowingly drank hippy laxatives and were somehow surprised that it gave you diarrhoea. Genius, you certainly are not.