Today, I came home from work, only to find the babysitter passed out on the couch with a bottle of Jack Daniel's. At some point, it seems my son had taken the liberty of peeing on her while she slept. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, after a short trip out of town, I came back late at night to the yard clean, the house swept and mopped, all the laundry done, and my son asleep. I was thrilled with my boyfriend, until I found him passed out, covered in spilled beer and piss. FML
Today, I came home to the nanny passed out on the couch from too much alcohol, my 2-year-old alone and locked in the bathroom, and my house in a complete wreck. To top it off, it's the day my mother-in-law, who hates me, is coming to visit from New York. FML
Today, I was babysitting my co-worker's son. He was eating Jell-o and spilled it on his top, so I pulled off his PJ's, and went in his room to grab a new pair. I heard a thunk and ran to find him out cold on the floor. His parents walked in on me trying to wake up their naked 3 year-old. FML
Today, I was babysitting a 9-year-old kid, when she got thirsty and asked for a drink. All I could find was some kind of Mexican fruit drink, but I didn't realize until too late that it was actually hard liquor. I had to scrub her mouth out with toothpaste and put her to bed to cover it all up. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over, drank half a bottle of Jack Daniels and pissed in my sink. I broke up with her and went out with friends. I met a woman and brought her home to watch a movie. She drank a bottle of wine and puked on my couch. FML
Today, I was babysitting a really bratty little girl. She came and cuddled up on the couch so I took it as an apology. I feel asleep while she was sitting with me and when I woke up she had peed on me. She locked herself in her room and was laughing about peeing on me for discipling her. FML
Today, as I was about to leave for work, my 16-year-old son stumbled home in nothing but his underwear and pink cowboy boots. He threw his hands in the air, yelled, "BOTTLE SIP BOTTLE GUZZLE," promptly threw up and passed out in it. FML
Today, I discovered that last night, my son snuck downstairs at 3am, drank two glasses of my very expensive wine, threw up on his bed, and then slept in his own vomit. My son is 14. FML
Today, I drank cocktails and shots. On the way home, I had to pee so bad that I only got to the front door and peed all over our carpet. My mom saw the whole thing and my dad saw the aftermath with the super drenched carpet and shoes. My mom had to mop the floor after I ran to the bathroom. FML
Today, I came home to find my 14-year-old son attempting to get drunk off aftershave. FML
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Top comments
Freeze_fml 17
Sounds like a fair payment.
Soloman212 28
Well he was trying to wake her up! Or mark his territory... one of the two.
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Comments (282)
pikagirl222 1
who does that to a child?! ur son is awesome tho
LupeFiascoLovaa 0
shitty babysitter
fallout125 2
give that kid some candy!
thebouse7861 0
you did a good job raising him
incrediblekarma 3
Hahaha, that kid is awesome.
choosemusic 0
did she wake up feeling like p diddy?
jenjen0146 7
first off your baby sitter shouldn't be so hammered that she passes out. the stupid bitch got what she deserved for drinking while watching someones child. honestly if your fml is just your kid peeing on the drunk baby sitter instead of the fact you had a drunk watching your kid (or should i say passed out while your child was unsupervised) then you don't deserve to even have a child. that's pretty messed up that you seem more concerned about your kid peeing on the drunk rather than the fact of what could've happened to YOUR unsupervised kid. consider yourself lucky your kid was still in one piece and that your kid was smart enough to get some payback for you by peeing on her cuz if I were in your shoes I probably would've knocked the bitch out for possibly jeopardizing my child's welfare
suxatromance 0
tht bitch totally deserved to get peed on! y the hell would a babysitter drink and not even bother to acually get some responsibiliy for herself! she could have gotten money if she stayed awake!
imnotcraZ 0
give the kid of cookie the babysitter deserved it
axelpinap 2
this wouldnt be fml this would be fhl f*** her life