Today, I came home from a relaxing, peaceful vacation. When I got home my 4-year-old son was free-balling with poop all over his body, screaming "Bob the Builder will kick your ass." The baby sitter is nowhere to be found and I can't get him to stop saying, "I love ass." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while the kid I was babysitting was in the bathroom, he called to me "I need some help in here." Worried I ran to the bathroom and asked him what was wrong. He needed me to wipe his butt. As if that weren't gross enough, just as my hand was under his butt, he pooped again and laughed. FML
Today, I was babysitting to make a few extra dollars. While changing one of the kid's diapers, I turned around to find the other kid gone. I turned back around frantically, only to get poop flung at my face. I guess I found him. FML
Today, while my husband and I are both stuck in the bathroom from food poisoning, our 3-year-old son is taking advantage of his freedom. All I can hear is banging noises and wild laughter. I'm afraid to leave the bathroom. FML
Today, I had explosive diarrhea. I got off the toilet to change my 3 year-old's poopy diaper. He was being stubborn, so I was going to go back to the toilet, which is when he laid down. I thought I could do it. I couldn't. He ran around diaperless as I ran back to the toilet with liquid shit running down my leg. FML
Today, I was working at my day-camp, and one of my little boys told me he had to show me something important. He proudly showed me that he'd crapped his pants. I had to wipe his ass clean. FML
Today, while changing my daughter's diaper, I lifted up her butt to wipe her, which coincidentally caused her to fart. I hadn't wiped her yet so the force of air caused poop to fly at me at high speed, landing on my chest and face. My husband burst out laughing, saying, "You've been ass-blasted!" FML
Today, I got mad at my 4 year old son for cussing me out. Afterwards, I went upstairs to get ready for the day. When I came back downstairs I found him pooping on my brand new leather couch. FML
Today, my 3-year-old came to me very excited because he had gone to the bathroom by himself for the first time. What he did not tell me was that he had shit on the floor, and when I went into the bathroom to check, I slipped on a turd and knocked myself out on the sink. FML
Today, I babysat a 4-year-old child for my neighbor. It seems he had diarrhea. The evidence of this is in his pants, down his leg, on the couch, on the bathroom floor, smeared on my wall, and in the shape of a brown handprint on my shirt. FML
Today, one of the kids at the daycare center I work at was so excited at the fact that his constipation was over, he felt the need to bring me his fecal matter, in his hands, to show me. Guess who had to clean up the aftermath. FML
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Top comments
xXHollowIchigoXx 17
Hunt the babysitter down and kick their ass.
osteobabe 13
I don't understand why you would go on holiday leaving your 4 year old, let alone leaving him with a babysitter you obviously couldn't trust instead of a responsible family member or friend.
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Comments (152)
joshiepo0 18
He likes big butts and he cannot lie.
Qwermy 16
Other brother can't deny
cb1002630 11
Maybe you should be worried for the babysitter. Your son seems quite unpredictable right now
fresh247 10
damn Bob the builder is old school
priceyfml 7
Does he call you big booty because you got a big booty?
justspin 7
If I could I'd thumb you down more than once.
priceyfml 7
Ill say it wasn't the best comment but I will say go blues ;)
Aydens_mommy91 4
So you went on vacation & left your 4 year old at home? I understand the sitter shouldn't of taught the child that but honestly YDI
Welshite 40
shouldn't have* Something tells me you would have benefited from having a sitter.
lizzy_babyy 9
It was a vacation, he didn't abandon the baby for life. Everyone deserves a vacation once in a while.
cb1002630 11
Yes 21, how dare someone think they should be able to take time to indulge themselves?
5sonic 22
Okay I'm crying because this is so perfect, sorry op!!
Yessi_Boo 14
4 years old is old enough for time outs. He should know better if you tell him not to say something. Fire your baby sitter and give your son a time out so he knows not to say that anymore
zandalee 20
Bless. Be gentle Freshpie, she's only 16 and new here. :)
misspennycakes 7
I'm a twunt
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 23
Wow it's lucky you found you kid safe, even if covered with poo. I hope you get to the bottom of things (no pun intended). God knows what must have happened when you were gone. Poor kid :/
xeka 10
Where did he go? Well, don't pay him the next few hirings and tell him the money goes to "repairs". Then fire him when you used up your free hirings :b
cb1002630 11
I am beyond baffled by all components of this confusing comment.
Dynosaur_dollie 38
I don't know about you, but if someone just abandons my kid, I would never even consider hiring them again, even for free.
savvysomething 5
Welcome home! :D