Today, I came home from a relaxing, peaceful vacation. When I got home my 4-year-old son was free-balling with poop all over his body, screaming "Bob the Builder will kick your ass." The baby sitter is nowhere to be found and I can't get him to stop saying, "I love ass." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while the kid I was babysitting was in the bathroom, he called to me "I need some help in here." Worried I ran to the bathroom and asked him what was wrong. He needed me to wipe his butt. As if that weren't gross enough, just as my hand was under his butt, he pooped again and laughed. FML
Today, I was babysitting to make a few extra dollars. While changing one of the kid's diapers, I turned around to find the other kid gone. I turned back around frantically, only to get poop flung at my face. I guess I found him. FML
Today, while my husband and I are both stuck in the bathroom from food poisoning, our 3-year-old son is taking advantage of his freedom. All I can hear is banging noises and wild laughter. I'm afraid to leave the bathroom. FML
Today, I had explosive diarrhea. I got off the toilet to change my 3 year-old's poopy diaper. He was being stubborn, so I was going to go back to the toilet, which is when he laid down. I thought I could do it. I couldn't. He ran around diaperless as I ran back to the toilet with liquid shit running down my leg. FML
Today, I was working at my day-camp, and one of my little boys told me he had to show me something important. He proudly showed me that he'd crapped his pants. I had to wipe his ass clean. FML
Today, while changing my daughter's diaper, I lifted up her butt to wipe her, which coincidentally caused her to fart. I hadn't wiped her yet so the force of air caused poop to fly at me at high speed, landing on my chest and face. My husband burst out laughing, saying, "You've been ass-blasted!" FML
Today, I got mad at my 4 year old son for cussing me out. Afterwards, I went upstairs to get ready for the day. When I came back downstairs I found him pooping on my brand new leather couch. FML
Today, my 3-year-old came to me very excited because he had gone to the bathroom by himself for the first time. What he did not tell me was that he had shit on the floor, and when I went into the bathroom to check, I slipped on a turd and knocked myself out on the sink. FML
Today, I babysat a 4-year-old child for my neighbor. It seems he had diarrhea. The evidence of this is in his pants, down his leg, on the couch, on the bathroom floor, smeared on my wall, and in the shape of a brown handprint on my shirt. FML
Today, one of the kids at the daycare center I work at was so excited at the fact that his constipation was over, he felt the need to bring me his fecal matter, in his hands, to show me. Guess who had to clean up the aftermath. FML
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Top comments
xXHollowIchigoXx 17
Hunt the babysitter down and kick their ass.
osteobabe 13
I don't understand why you would go on holiday leaving your 4 year old, let alone leaving him with a babysitter you obviously couldn't trust instead of a responsible family member or friend.
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Comments (152)
perdix 31
I hope you didn't pay the babysitter up front. If you really need to track him or her down, you will go to a place that features a lot of ass.
hoepants0227 8
He is home alone? Great babysitter.
cjgirl 15
How long were you on vacation? And how long has the babysitter been your sitter? Have you known them long? This FML left me with a lot of questions.
cieloalicia 16
So... You need a new babysitter?
VampTat 10
Sounds like a certain babysitter is fired. lol
skyeyez9 25
That would seriously creep me the Hell out! Because did he undress himself and smear shit all over himself after the sitter fled....or did the babysitter strip him rub shit all over him (possibly sexually abused him). I would call the police and get your kid to a doctor just in case. That is ****** up!
pandalover69 26
The kid is 4 years old not four months, of course he undressed himself and smeared shit all over himself, that's what 4 year olds do when no one is watching them. The only thing I agree with is that she should call the cops, not for sexual abuse but for abandonment and neglect. I highly doubt the kid was sexually abused, if he had been he wouldn't be so social.
skyeyez9 25
4 year old kids get molested too! Get your head out of the sand. If the sitter is depraved enough to abandon a 4yr old, what else did he/she do? Glad to know if you had a kid and this would happen, you would not care.......
whY402Jay 12
One of my favorite FMLs ever.
goose12321 11
How about you enforce some discipline on the kid then. That should get him to stop saying it.
INDYSTRUCTABLE 43
so.... did you ever find the sitter ?
charvisioku 22
It makes me wonder whether the sitter was the one who taught this kid to say those things. And I can't believe they left a 4 year old child on his own.