Today, I came home from a relaxing, peaceful vacation. When I got home my 4-year-old son was free-balling with poop all over his body, screaming "Bob the Builder will kick your ass." The baby sitter is nowhere to be found and I can't get him to stop saying, "I love ass." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while the kid I was babysitting was in the bathroom, he called to me "I need some help in here." Worried I ran to the bathroom and asked him what was wrong. He needed me to wipe his butt. As if that weren't gross enough, just as my hand was under his butt, he pooped again and laughed. FML
Today, I was babysitting to make a few extra dollars. While changing one of the kid's diapers, I turned around to find the other kid gone. I turned back around frantically, only to get poop flung at my face. I guess I found him. FML
Today, while my husband and I are both stuck in the bathroom from food poisoning, our 3-year-old son is taking advantage of his freedom. All I can hear is banging noises and wild laughter. I'm afraid to leave the bathroom. FML
Today, I had explosive diarrhea. I got off the toilet to change my 3 year-old's poopy diaper. He was being stubborn, so I was going to go back to the toilet, which is when he laid down. I thought I could do it. I couldn't. He ran around diaperless as I ran back to the toilet with liquid shit running down my leg. FML
Today, I was working at my day-camp, and one of my little boys told me he had to show me something important. He proudly showed me that he'd crapped his pants. I had to wipe his ass clean. FML
Today, while changing my daughter's diaper, I lifted up her butt to wipe her, which coincidentally caused her to fart. I hadn't wiped her yet so the force of air caused poop to fly at me at high speed, landing on my chest and face. My husband burst out laughing, saying, "You've been ass-blasted!" FML
Today, I got mad at my 4 year old son for cussing me out. Afterwards, I went upstairs to get ready for the day. When I came back downstairs I found him pooping on my brand new leather couch. FML
Today, my 3-year-old came to me very excited because he had gone to the bathroom by himself for the first time. What he did not tell me was that he had shit on the floor, and when I went into the bathroom to check, I slipped on a turd and knocked myself out on the sink. FML
Today, I babysat a 4-year-old child for my neighbor. It seems he had diarrhea. The evidence of this is in his pants, down his leg, on the couch, on the bathroom floor, smeared on my wall, and in the shape of a brown handprint on my shirt. FML
Today, one of the kids at the daycare center I work at was so excited at the fact that his constipation was over, he felt the need to bring me his fecal matter, in his hands, to show me. Guess who had to clean up the aftermath. FML
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Top comments
xXHollowIchigoXx 17
Hunt the babysitter down and kick their ass.
osteobabe 13
I don't understand why you would go on holiday leaving your 4 year old, let alone leaving him with a babysitter you obviously couldn't trust instead of a responsible family member or friend.
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Comments (152)
Twitch5253 4
Sounds like the 4 year old kid had more fun than you did on vacation!
ThoseMomentsWhen 7
I understand that as a parent you want to get away sometimes to relax but they are still your children. He never should of been pawned off on the babysitter so you could go on a vacation in the first place. You shouldn't of had the child if you can't take them on a vacation.
Osiris094 4
Obviously you should be a better parent. You left your child with what sounds like a complete stranger.
chuckcloninger 12
Seriously, you need to dial 911 and get a cop on the scene ASAP to file a report. Then you need to contact Child Protection Services to fill them in and see where it goes with them. I'm sure they will pursue this as whoever this "babysitter" was does not need to ever be left alone with a child again. I have a nine year old and I cannot imagine what I would have done it this had happened to him.
scott82 5
Trailer park life never does change does it
j_cat187 20
Bob the builder in no joke. He once killed a loanshark and buried him in New Jersey. What a terrible burial site.
murphdarkly 13
Please tell me you called the authorities on the babysitter
wackynspunky 6
Find the babysitter and make sure everyone knows what a piece of crap they are!! I would be soooo mad if my son leaned something like that from the babysitter.
michiganlost 2
Sounds like something went very, very wrong while you were gone.
graffix1976 1
Don't tell the cops the babysitter is dead....soon.