Intimacy: Today, I became my one night stand's shrink as he went through... - FML

By Belgian girl - United States - Lewes

Today, I became my one night stand's shrink as he went through the process of realising he might be bisexual. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5256

You deserved it

691

Tweet

Share

Fresh air

Night terrors

Bass, how low can you go?

By zstarr - United States - Rome

Today, I realized my boyfriend uses sex as a way to get me to stop talking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15544

You deserved it

32225

Tweet

Share

By MsConfusedd - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I discovered that the only thing more disgusting than watching a little kid shove their finger up their nose and eat their fresh green mucus is watching your grandmother do the same. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23694

You deserved it

1925

Tweet

Share

By Sacha - 19/1/2021 08:01 - Canada

When nature calls

Today, while I was working in a grocery store, a costumer decide to take a dump on the ground after I told him he couldn’t access to restrooms because my boss closed them due to COVID restrictions. FML

I agree, your life sucks

850

You deserved it

147

Tweet

Share

By Sonofaquiche

Today, I had to help my grandma because her TV suddenly stopped working. She has cable as well as satellite, so she figured she didn't need the satellite receiver anymore. Apparently the best way to do get rid of it was to cut all the cables connected to the TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4900

You deserved it

436

Tweet

Share

By anon - United States

Today, I threw up after drinking a smoothie my mother made me. She then called me "ungrateful" and "immature" for not liking what she spent a long time making for me. I later found out that not only did she use expired yogurt, it was also a mango smoothie, which I'm allergic to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28535

You deserved it

1810

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while on vacation, I called my home phone to check the messages. Someone answered. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51043

You deserved it

2802

Tweet

Share

By redneckpunk - United States - Schaumburg

Today, during a date with my girlfriend, I found out you can hiccup hard enough to convince someone that you're having a seizure. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31576

You deserved it

2663

Tweet

Share

By whoawhat - United States

Today, I went to the grocery store where I work to pick up my pay check. After I got it, I headed back to the dorms to take a quick nap before Chemistry later. I woke up, and my check was gone. I later found it. In the form of a text from my roommate saying he gambled away 'our' money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34449

You deserved it

4000

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, my stress sweat overpowered my prescription strength deodorant 45 minutes into an 8-hour shift. I don't know who is more miserable, me or my coworkers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1748

You deserved it

145

Tweet

Share

By Dakota

Bad Day for a Good Boy

Today, on my way home from work, I went to the car wash. When the spray jets hit the car, my dog jumped out of his crate, into the front seat, and onto a button lowering both back windows. I got both an exterior and interior wash. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2831

You deserved it

875

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Brooklyn

Today, at my first day of work at a new job, I got stuck in the elevator going to the parking garage. I have claustrophobia about both elevators and parking garages. They said this never happens. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4054

You deserved it

376

Tweet

Share

By sadpoorlady - United Kingdom - Appley Bridge

Today, my boyfriend used the "this isn't working, we need to talk" line on me. How nice of him to wait this long to do so, just days after we returned from the expensive Caribbean holiday that I paid for. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50744

You deserved it

4984

Tweet

Share

By dude, where's my balls? :( - United States - Anchorage

Today, my mom and I went to Best Buy for some Christmas shopping. She picked up some presents for me and told me not to look at what she was buying. When we got to the register, she didn't have enough money, and I ended up having to buy my own presents. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40365

You deserved it

3378

Tweet

Share

By Chad - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I made lists of what celebrities we're interested in. The first one she listed wasn't a celebrity - it was my brother. He's spending the weekend with us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35769

You deserved it

4044

Tweet

Share

By Iris - Canada - Saint-laurent

Today I bought a 50$ voucher card to refill my phone. After I purchased it, I threw the receipt in the dustbin. When I got home, I found out that the 14-digit pin code was on the receipt. I basically threw 57 bucks in the dustbin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7353

You deserved it

11574

Tweet

Share

By jmrz - Puerto Rico - San Juan

Today, I went to the store for a warranty claim on my prescription glasses due to little spots that had appeared on the lenses, covering both. It took 2 seconds for the employee to determine that it was hairspray. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8516

You deserved it

43621

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 2/3/2020 03:30

Superanty Man

Today, I met my father-in-law for the first time. He went on a big rant how men are superior intellects and women contribute nothing to society. Ironic, as it took me, a woman, 30 seconds to notice it's biologically impossible for him to be my husband's father. After 33 years, both he and my husband haven't figured it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1595

You deserved it

193

Tweet

Share

By PulledOver - United States

Today, I pulled up to the stoplight near my house. It was dark with no traffic and the car behind me kept edging closer and closer to me. I finally got fed up with waiting and the car and ran it. In fact, it was a cop and he was trying to read my license plate because the back light was out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10936

You deserved it

54679

Tweet

Share

By probably not getting the job - United States - Lake Oswego

Today, I applied for a job at a local store. As I walked out the door, I heard the manager read it out loud and everybody else laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31418

You deserved it

2661

Tweet

Share

By Hair Fail - United States

Today, I decided I wanted to dye my hair a medium brown. Little did I know, some jerk switched the hair dye boxes. My hair is now bright orange. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35050

You deserved it

6645

Tweet

Share

By sugarbeet - United States

Sounds nice

Today, I was at my job as a bartender where I had to listen to a 40-something man with no legs drunkenly explain just how much he loves nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32067

You deserved it

3919

Tweet

Share

By anda1000douchesscourthispostformistakes - United States - Meriden

Today, I made it onto my boss's shit-list, after pointing out that he'd misspelled "customer" as "costumer" 6 times in his report, and "college education" as "collage education" twice. It'd be a dick move on his part even if making corrections like this weren't part of my damn job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23908

You deserved it

1690

Tweet

Share

By Karin - Germany

Today, after a week of sporting what I thought was a flattering pixie cut, I realised that without my long hair, my body shape closely resembles a snowman's. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26563

You deserved it

10704

Tweet

Share

By Larz - Canada

Today, I woke up to a pile of hair on my floor. I looked in the mirror and realized the hair was from my head. I had a dream about cutting my hair and I guess it came true. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29880

You deserved it

3629

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was sitting in my bed drinking Yoohoo from a juice box. I decided it would be fun to see how much I could fit in my mouth. As soon as my mouth was full, I sneezed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10688

You deserved it

41479

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, after barely sleeping all week, I tried some ASMR videos to help me fall asleep. Both my dogs and my husband are out cold, snoring so loud I can't even hear the ASMR. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1393

You deserved it

152

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, while trying to get my phone to charge, I shoved in the cable harder and harder and tried to wobble it so my phone would charge. After snapping the USB input from the force, I saw the plug was switched off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7668

You deserved it

44006

Tweet

Share

By justonce - United States - Williamstown

Today, the boy who loved me and left me literally became the poster boy for my college. His picture is on the home page of the college website and on a banner in the cafeteria where I eat every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45198

You deserved it

3505

Tweet

Share

By crotchshothottie - United States

Today, I saw my picture in an architecture magazine. I'm not an architect. I was walking up a flight of "magnificently built" stairs as my skirt lifted to show an absence of underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21442

You deserved it

38703

Tweet

Share

By GreenMonstR - United States

Today, I was at the store with my wife. As we were walking out, I helped an elderly woman get through the door. As I was opening the door, my foot got stuck on the door and my face was catapulted into the woman's breasts. It wasn't until we got into the car that my wife burst into hysterics. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50134

You deserved it

4753

Tweet

Share

By hcditfi5foygy

Today, my crush confessed their love for me, and I happily told them that I felt the same way. They looked uncomfortable, so I asked why. Apparently they'd been paid to prank me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4366

You deserved it

254

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Wilmington

Today, I walked in on my dog slurping my coffee. I'm not sure how long we have been sharing my morning cup of joe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8156

You deserved it

884

Tweet

Share

By alissa_roar - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years told me I was being too obsessive. This is the guy who has gone through my phone two separate times and deleted all of my male contacts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42675

You deserved it

8481

Tweet

Share

By natalieeee - United States

Today, I was talking to this really nice guy who likes me, and he tells me he's packing. I asked him where he was going, he said Puerto Rico. And I said "LUCKY!" He replied "it's for the funeral". I forgot his grandma had died. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15843

You deserved it

61920

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I went to pick a penny off of the ground for good luck. Someone kneed me in the butt, I fell face first and broke my glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28703

You deserved it

4239

Tweet

Share

By Whyudodis - Canada - New Westminster

Today, while on the skytrain, a woman leaned on the railing bar that I was holding onto, crushing my hand. My first instinct was to move my hand when she turned around and began loudly yelling at me for, "Touching her waist" and "Sexually harassing" her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12539

You deserved it

879

Tweet

Share

By SleepyKirsty - United Kingdom

Today, I found out just how thin the walls at my new student flat are. They are so thin in fact, that I can hear the creepy guy next door say my full name over and over again very slowly whilst masturbating rigorously. FML

I agree, your life sucks

120395

You deserved it

5683

Tweet

Share

By pampa31 - Mexico - Tijuana

Today, while I was driving, there was a high speed car chase. The runaway managed to avoid my car but the police didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25669

You deserved it

1683

Tweet

Share

By TheAce44 - United States - Davison

Today, my friend told me that Otter Box phone cases protect the phone whether it's thrown or just dropped. I disagreed. He then threw his phone across the room into a cement wall to prove it. The phone's screen was completely shattered and now he thinks I owe him a new phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31360

You deserved it

2799

Tweet

Share

By Ashley - United States - Bellerose

Today, I spent my entire paycheck on a new summer wardrobe. I then left my shopping bags on the train. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17283

You deserved it

38111

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By RichardPencil | 29

#7428380 - Thursday 23 March 2017 1:05

That is either a blow to your ego or a boost depending on whether he was straight or gay 24 hours ago.

By Demon_of_Light | 27

#7428421 - Thursday 23 March 2017 4:37

You're right, it doesn't, but at the same time, it sounds as this confession came with a level of emotional intimacy that OP was not entirely comfortable with. Also, it saddled OP with the burden of helping a stranger process a lot of personal information/emotion that might have been better addressed to a friend or family member.

COMMENTS

By fml123ih8people | 1

#7428376 - Thursday 23 March 2017 1:01

Nah fam

By vinnyc1 | 5

#7428377 - Thursday 23 March 2017 1:01

So much for that one night stand!! The only thing getting screwed is that brain lol!'

By RichardPencil | 29

#7428380 - Thursday 23 March 2017 1:05

That is either a blow to your ego or a boost depending on whether he was straight or gay 24 hours ago.