Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML
Today, I thought my online boyfriend was calling me, so the first line I said was "Hey, Baby." His wife answered with, "This is Jenny. Who's this?" After speaking for thirty minutes, I found out he's married, fifty-eight, and has two kids. I'm seventeen. FML
Today, whilst having sex, my husband screamed out a man's name. FML
Today, my husband answered a FaceTime call from his mother not 30 seconds after sex. I was naked in bed next to him. FML
Today, I was sleeping with my boyfriend and woke up in his arms to hear him say "Mom, Mom." FML
Today, I got a call from the guy I have been seeing. I wasn't him. It was his wife wondering why I have her husband's number. FML
Today, after waking up beside my girlfriend to get ready to go to work, I leaned down to kiss her while she was still asleep, and she said, "Have a good day Jake." My name starts with a J, but it's not Jake. FML
Today, my co-worker handed me the phone and said it was my boyfriend calling, so I answered "Hello, Love!" It was my boss. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having a make-out session in the backseat of his car, when we heard a voice coming from his pants. Who did he pocket dial? My house. At midnight, when I was supposed to be home. FML
Today, my boyfriend fell asleep during phone sex. FML
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Top comments
ThatOneDrummer 8
So he's either cheating on you with a woman, a man, or he's just really enthusiastic about car insurance.
boofgall 16
"And he's making you hard?"
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Comments (180)
stanforda97 9
This has got to be fake.
sickerthanyou 13
that's a logic fail. unless he is gay or bi, he can't get hard from talking to another guy.
naarz 9
Hopefully OP did something about this situation, cuz I doubt she deserves to be cheated on, and for that matter using the " it's jake from State Farm" line is not cool, that's just stupid.......you should get him back .
jess955 2
do you even have state farm? and was "he" wearing khakis?
zgrrl97 8
Best. Response. Ever.
grudger 14
I knew that was coming, ask what he is wearing
suegar 0
meaning?
Masift 21
he's an asshole for cheating on you, but a legend for making that joke.
Suzi_d16 27
Does no one else think that at 2am right beside his wife that maybe he was sleep walking/talking? He may have been having an imaginary conversation in his sleep and gave a strange response because of that? Just a thought really.