Today, I asked my son to go to the grocery store across the street and pick up some lettuce. He sighed and said, "Why don't you just order it on Amazon?" FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, yet again, we have a fridge full of food, but my wife asked if we can order pizza in front of the kids, who all started jumping in excitement yelling, "PIZZA!" Now I can either say no and deal with pouting and tantrums, or waste money on crappy pizza. FML
Today, while having a romantic dinner at home with my date, my Alexa randomly asked, “Would you like to reorder adult diapers?” She then followed up with, “You last ordered them two months ago.” I don't have kids. I don't have grandparents. I don't have an explanation. FML
Today, in a supermarket, my four-year-old son whispered to me, asking if the checkout lady was able to wash between her fat rolls. She heard. FML
Today, I ordered food for delivery. I actually made it sound as if there were other people at home so I had an excuse for ordering so much. I don't think they bought it. FML
Today, my husband offered to do the weekly grocery shopping. Because he has never done the shopping before, I made him a list of what we needed and other optional foods to give him an idea of what to get. He came back with a week's worth of ramen noodles and 2 litres of soda. FML
Today, my Doordash driver texted me to let me know my son had picked up the food I'd ordered. I don't have kids. FML
Today, due to my wife saying I never cook and that we always order pizza, I spent a good hour preparing dinner. While serving it to my kids, they started complaining. My wife told them to shut up. When she took a bite, she looked up at me, smiled, and said, "Do you, you know, want to just order pizza?" FML
Today, my son decided to run around a supermarket in his underwear, leaving me to chase after him. FML
Today, I asked my mom if I could borrow $20 since I don’t get paid until Friday. She responded with, “Why don’t you return those packages that arrived this week from your online shopping sprees?” FML
Today, my wife gave me hell for not returning an Amazon package to Whole Foods on my day off. The closest Whole Foods is twenty minutes away, right by my work. Why should I waste an hour of my day off when I can do it after work tomorrow? FML
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Top comments
EpicSquishii 21
Hahaha you raised a real go-getter there, didn't you?
sweetest_jenn 18
Make sure you use Amazon Prime, and tell him you'll call him down for dinner in 2 days.
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Comments (114)
Mauskau 36
Soon you will be able to. But I suppose he doesn't understand the concept of need it now get it now.
Ceruleanst 5
Because when UPS or FedEx delivers it, you'll have to go across the street and look for it anyway.
revelation11B 10
Yeah, ordering lettuce online, much less regular groceries, sounds pretty disgusting.
BoltTheSuperdog 22
If Amazon.com doesn't sell it, lettuce see if we can find a website that does...
ohcheriecherie 20
there seem to be a lot of lettuce-related FMLs today.
superjewguy 19
your son is a lazy ass, that being said, depending on where u live, walmart has store on line ordering and same day pick-up, Kmart has it to, it's called mygofer and they will actually go out to other stores and buy it if they don't have it. sometimes you'll end up getting more for less that way.
boredinjp 17
No lettuce for me, no dinner for you.
mutantproudish 16
Aha I can't tell if he was being clever or sincere, either way it cracked me up.
keirissleepy 10
facetious is probably the word you're looking for
Fmlsea 28
how lazy its across the road!! I would've turned the internet off until he waa back with the lettuce.
Catahoulaqueen_fml 17
If he left and isn't home to use the Internet, what's the point in turning it off?
Plastic_Stitchez 25
The kids of this generation -_-'