Today, due to my wife saying I never cook and that we always order pizza, I spent a good hour preparing dinner. While serving it to my kids, they started complaining. My wife told them to shut up. When she took a bite, she looked up at me, smiled, and said, "Do you, you know, want to just order pizza?" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, yet again, we have a fridge full of food, but my wife asked if we can order pizza in front of the kids, who all started jumping in excitement yelling, "PIZZA!" Now I can either say no and deal with pouting and tantrums, or waste money on crappy pizza. FML
Today, my girlfriend bitched that we spend too much money on food, and needed to start cooking to save money. I got home from work and started dinner. Halfway through, my girlfriend sighed and said, "This is taking too long, I'll order pizza." FML
Today, I was making dinner for my family while my wife was at work. She walked in the door with McDonald's, even though she knew I was cooking. Then our kids saw and started screaming that they wanted McDonald's too and that it was unfair. I've told her not to pull this shit and she won't listen. FML
Today, I burned dinner because my girlfriend was yelling for me to help with a trivial problem. To salvage things, I ordered pizza. She spent the rest of the evening moaning that I ruined dinner, that we don't eat healthy, and that I "make us" waste money on food. FML
Today, I decided to cook dinner for my wife and kid. After a long day of preperation and cooking I asked them what they thought of it. My 12 year old son then says, "I would say it tastes like shit but not even shit tastes this bad!" My wife then laughed and gave him a high-five. FML
Today, I asked my husband to watch our kids while I cooked food for him. Apparently I asked in the wrong tone, because now he's pouting and won't eat. FML
Today, I got home from work and was immediately greeted by my wife following me around, moaning and complaining endlessly. I got so fed up that I went into the fridge, cut some cheese, and gave it to her, saying, "Some cheese to go with the whine." She broke the plate over my head. It was worth it. FML
Today, my wife doesn't like to cook. She doesn't like when I cook, because I enjoy cooking and she says I'm "making her feel guilty." She also doesn't want to order take out, as it's "a foolish waste of money." The fuck are we supposed to eat? FML
Today, I spent hours cooking an amazing dinner for my family, who had just gotten home from a trip, so we could spend some time together because I'd started to miss everyone. When they got home, they saw it all laid out and just took plates to their room, without even telling me they were home. FML
Today, as I was pressed for time, I opened some canned food for dinner. When my children were served, they said, "Mmm, this is best meal you've ever cooked for us!" I cook healthy, balanced meals every day. FML
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Top comments
ThaKranium 10
Who cares? It's pizza.
imlifeless2 25
it would be funny if you were making pizza.
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Comments (106)
PossiblyInDanger 24
This is why you leave the cooking to the women. We do it better, just like everything else.
flame5768 14
every single right minded feminist is shaking their heads.
ThaKranium 10
Who cares? It's pizza.
Mynameislinh 24
No one can compare to the fine craftsmanship of a nice flaky crust and thinly sliced pepperoni that just fills your taste buds with flavor.
frizz101 22
When you've eaten pizza for months in a row you'll understand.
breakinlegs 19
I don't even like delivery pizza, I prefer frozen or homemade.
santosb1 11
how about Papa Murphy's Take n Bake pizza!
pinkster2014 25
More like Papa John's
EndOfSekrets 13
Always listen to the wife. :P
PIGaming 21
I understand you mean well by your post, but imagine if a guy said, "you need to control your wife :P", and the amount of downvotes and angry comments that would get. idk but I just find comparisons like this interesting.
ThatSlappinBass 32
Yes, but... listening and controlling are very different things.
JBChristian 47
I would beg to differ. If he always listened to her, that would mean she's controlling him. Listening and controlling go hand in hand. Put controlling and controlling together and you've got fire flying.
thefastnfuryass 14
Cliche but, "Happy wife = Happy life."
little_one 20
I HATE!!! when people say "happy wife happy life" the couple should strive to make each other happy. If the wife always gets what she wants but the husbands needs and wants are never fulfilled that's a sad marriage!!! Honestly I'm happiest when my husband is happy. I strive to make him feel happy and fulfilled and I know he does the same. The best thing in the world is to have him embrace me and tell me how much he loves me, **** diamonds and bullshit I just want to be wanted and needed. "Happy couple, happy life"
1jordan1 11
Yeah, there are double standards out there. It can be frustrating to deal with people who unknowingly (even though it's obviously hypocritical) support them.
Shawnie Gallant 24
No. It’s her fault hecooked in the first place.
imlifeless2 25
it would be funny if you were making pizza.
incoherentrmblr 22
Doesn't matter, had pizza...
TheOnlyMizLiv 22
At least she won't complain about it anymore, I hope.
DanielleinDC 34
Maybe she does cook but when it's OP's turn, he orders a pizza or something. At least you tried, OP. Unless you're the sort who could screw up boiling water, maybe you could do something simpler, like pasta and sauce. Oops, replied to the wrong comment, meant to do the one below.
amisenho 11
It's pretty ingenious, actually. If he screws up cooking once, she'll never ask him to do it again. Congrats, OP; you just got yourself out of cooking duties for the rest of your marriage!
molleyla 7
So why can't your wife cook?
parism143 28
In some households the wife is the one that works, and the husband acts as the stay-at-home dad. Haven't you seen the movie Grown Ups? Same case with the black guy's family. They're always complaining about his cooking also.
jazzy_123 20
believe it or not it's not uncommon. I know plenty of women who can't cook.
LoopyLuuLuu 7
the OP doesn't actually say that his wife never cooks. How do we know she doesn't cook sometimes? with my last SO, we shared cooking duties.
ocramavaf 15
perhaps it's because she always cooks that she complained and wanted him to take a stab at it too
Durantye 8
Well considering how it says they always order pizza I'm going to assume this means neither of them cook.
slyde32 12
and they got pizza in the end, too at #15
Godsofdracos 15
Cooking terribly to get out of cooking again... Wise man.
alex_gen 39
Devoting that much effort to get out of cooking again. It would be funny if her were that sly.
EndOfSekrets 13
At least you tried OP. You deserve that credit!
singer0421 32
What'd you make? If it was something like spaghetti, FYL. If it was something like cow liver, YDI.
VasNormandy 14
Brutal. Better luck next time, if there is a next time.