Today, I asked my son to go to the grocery store across the street and pick up some lettuce. He sighed and said, "Why don't you just order it on Amazon?" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, yet again, we have a fridge full of food, but my wife asked if we can order pizza in front of the kids, who all started jumping in excitement yelling, "PIZZA!" Now I can either say no and deal with pouting and tantrums, or waste money on crappy pizza. FML
Today, while having a romantic dinner at home with my date, my Alexa randomly asked, “Would you like to reorder adult diapers?” She then followed up with, “You last ordered them two months ago.” I don't have kids. I don't have grandparents. I don't have an explanation. FML
Today, in a supermarket, my four-year-old son whispered to me, asking if the checkout lady was able to wash between her fat rolls. She heard. FML
Today, I ordered food for delivery. I actually made it sound as if there were other people at home so I had an excuse for ordering so much. I don't think they bought it. FML
Today, my husband offered to do the weekly grocery shopping. Because he has never done the shopping before, I made him a list of what we needed and other optional foods to give him an idea of what to get. He came back with a week's worth of ramen noodles and 2 litres of soda. FML
Today, my Doordash driver texted me to let me know my son had picked up the food I'd ordered. I don't have kids. FML
Today, due to my wife saying I never cook and that we always order pizza, I spent a good hour preparing dinner. While serving it to my kids, they started complaining. My wife told them to shut up. When she took a bite, she looked up at me, smiled, and said, "Do you, you know, want to just order pizza?" FML
Today, my son decided to run around a supermarket in his underwear, leaving me to chase after him. FML
Today, I asked my mom if I could borrow $20 since I don’t get paid until Friday. She responded with, “Why don’t you return those packages that arrived this week from your online shopping sprees?” FML
Today, my wife gave me hell for not returning an Amazon package to Whole Foods on my day off. The closest Whole Foods is twenty minutes away, right by my work. Why should I waste an hour of my day off when I can do it after work tomorrow? FML
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Top comments
EpicSquishii 21
Hahaha you raised a real go-getter there, didn't you?
sweetest_jenn 18
Make sure you use Amazon Prime, and tell him you'll call him down for dinner in 2 days.
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Comments (114)
bobbysuemckenzie 11
You have a clever son!
RedPillSucks 33
toss his XBox in the trash.
LittleSushi_fml 13
You can buy drugs online.
illegalbeagle69 23
No shit.
drewflav 17
59 - some sites on the Deep Web have all of that for sale. If you're from the USA I'd suggest not looking for it, the NSA might send the FBI to your door.
itsjusttofunny 8
ydi fir raising a lazy child that thinks everything is dependant on the internet enabled device you stick in his/her hands instead of interacting with them.
greekhoplite 4
If you live in the state of California, I believe there are at least three or four competing service that deliver groceries to your home. Just this week I had safeway delivered to my apartment.
bombielol 20
im sure you can :)
illegalbeagle69 23
I know they can all be found, it was just a joke
TheMystery13 13
"Mom, when's dinner?" "Can't you just order it on Amazon?"