Today, I asked my boss for my first raise in almost two years, to which he replied, "In the real world, I think you've definitely earned one, but this isn't the real world." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I asked my boss for a raise. He responded with, "Who the hell are you?" FML
Today, I went to ask my boss for a raise. He laughed at me and said, "That's hilarious because I was going to ask you if you could take a pay cut!" FML
Today, I summoned the courage to go into my boss’s office and ask for a raise. He yelled at me, called me “ungrateful”, asked how dare I ask him such a question, and that I’m lucky to even have a job in the first place. I ended up reduced to tears. FML
Today, I met with my boss hoping to hear about a possible raise that had been promised many months ago. He then told me that the only way I would get a raise was if I found a better paying job and took it, and that the company was in no position to offer anyone a raise. FML
Today, I asked my boss for a raise. I pointed out that due to a technicality, if he hired someone to replace me, he'd have to pay them more anyway. He said he'd gladly pay more for "someone who knows his goddamn place" and made it clear I'll be jobless very soon. FML
Today, I was promoted. After going to school for 10 months to get certified for the new position, training extensively, and taking on a ton more responsibility, I was hoping for a decent raise. How much do my bosses think all of that time and effort is worth? One dollar more per hour than I made before. FML
Today, I asked my boss for a raise, but he told me my position is a legal requirement that produces no profit, unlike every other employee, ergo if I’m feeling ungrateful about my generous wage, he will happily fire me and hire someone else at minimum wage, saving the company money. FML
Today, I asked my boss for a raise. He gave me a cupcake. FML
Today, I inquired about getting a raise from a company that I've been with for 5 years. My manager said I'll get one starting February 29th. FML
Today, I worked up the nerve to ask my boss for a raise. Today is also the day I found out my boss has a shitlist of employees he wants to fire, and that I'm now on it. FML
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Top comments
SaintJimmy 0
So, do you work in a reality parallel to ours or is your boss a couple apples short of a fruit cake?
Ipreferbroccoli 0
Wtf? In the real world, it would be inappropriate to secretly drug your boss, dress him in a banana costume and shove a pole up his ass, saying "Hello Mr. Bananaman on a steek!", but this isn't the real world. Wild you go.
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Comments (63)
cthulhu1138 1
At least he didn't go for the lame "We're in a recession" excuse.
perdix 31
Don't ask for a raise verbally. Write a letter to your boss and your boss's boss, if that makes sense. My wife has been underpaid for years and when she asked for raises verbally, her boss would say yes but nothing ever happened. I finally sat down and wrote a letter for her which she delivered to her boss and her boss's boss. The next day she got a big raise and everything else we requested. You can PM me if you want to know about the structure of this magical letter. I'm a dick most of the time, but I can be helpful occasionally.
realsiq 0
haha the ultimate boss answer.
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
Deny your raise! (Like a Boss!) Bomb the Russians! (Like a Boss!) S**t on Deborah's Desk! (Like a Boss!)
Zebane 2
umm.
dixiefoxx 22
53, I assume you've never heard of Lonely Island?
WorkThatButt 2
Here's the solution baby. Get a gun, shoot your boss, problem solved.
jonny2x4 0
You don't have to like it, but he was giving a totally honest answer. My job is like that. The rules that apply in the real world do not apply around here. Everything is ass-backwards. In many jobs, it's like being in Bizarro World.
ffmylife 0
WTF? think your boss's brain went off to somewhere just beyond crazy...
Mzzangel 0
I'd have quit saying that I was going to go out into the real world and find a job. what an ass your boss was. sorry for ya Hun
XaosZaleski 0
I've been working minium wage for 2 years at the place I'm at, and no one in the company is getting a raise. These kinds of FMLs make me want to strangle someone. Be happy that you've had a solid job for that long.
HumptyHump 0
You should have taken the blue pill.