ihatespiders
London, United Kingdom
Today, I asked my 8-year-old daughter to kill a house spider for me. I am a 42-year-old man. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Same thing different taste
kenneth
Wuss
Today, I had to drive 40-odd miles to my grown-ass son's house to kill a large spider on the wall. It had him trapped in his bedroom because his wife had already gone to work. How did I ever raise such a wuss? FML
Anonymous
Hagen, Germany
You big fanny
Today, I was babysitting a six year old girl, when I saw a huge spider on the wall. I screamed and told her to stay back. Instead, she walked up to the spider, squished it, and told me to stop being such a baby. FML
belly the jelly
A job well done.
Today, I asked my husband to deal with the very large spider in our kitchen. Rather than a newspaper or a slipper, he went after it with an aerosol can and a lighter. The spider is now dead, but so are the wall and cupboards in my kitchen. FML
emelie000
Irrational fears
Today, my daughter, who can pick up spiders and even snakes without flinching, screamed at the top of her lungs because she saw a mouse. Um, what? FML
Anonymous
United Kingdom
Disproportionate responses are the new black
Today, my son nearly burned the house down with a lighter and an aerosol. His excuse? He was killing a massive spider carrying an egg sack. My wife hates spiders so she refuses to punish him and gave him £20. But sure, dear old Dad will spend money replacing the wallpaper and curtains, no problem. FML
mala_19
Burea, Sweden
Wonky fear
Today, I saw a spider. My two year-old knows that I'm afraid of them, but in an attempt to not pass my phobia onto him, I said it was a piece of dirt. Now he thinks that I'm afraid of dirt. I did not think this through. FML
SpiderFather
France
Today, my seven-year-old son put a spider in the microwave. Animal cruelty? No. The goal was to irradiate it, then get it to bite him so that he would become Spider-Man. FML
Anonymous
This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff
Freaked out
Today, my son was crying and refusing to sleep in his room because a spider ran along the wall, and it's now hiding somewhere. He’s 19. FML
JustLeaveThem
Today, I was reaching into the floor vent in my toddler's room to retrieve some toys she'd dropped. What I found instead was a clump of large dead spiders. FML
Anonymous
United Kingdom
She's right, you know
Today, I was babysitting some kids and helping them make a poster about insects. They couldn't think of any more insects to add so I suggested a spider, and got told to "not be a dumbass, spiders aren't insects they're arachnids." The girl is six. FML
Top comments
Lavelle1313 11
No shame necessary. Sacrifice the children.
brettrb 18
Spiders are terrifying. I see nothing wrong with this.
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Comments (105)
hacksaw246 24
Well give me your man card.
BeepBeepSwerve 9
wonder why you want his man card...
xxrogerthatxx 19
because op doesn't deserve it
SofaKingPretty 13
I don't blame you. Some kids are fearless, I make my nephew do it sometimes :)
Chibi_Kitten 24
Yeah, I was fearless until I was in high school and woke up to a black widow crawling on my face.
doodlecloud 27
We have no poisonous spiders in the UK, stop being silly. If you have arachnaphobia then fair enough not touching it yourself, but if your kid doesn't mind going near them then why make her kill it rather than just putting it outside? We should be encouraging children to understand wildlife before they pick up on adult's fears and bad attitudes.
LindseyYanero 15
spiders are scary as hell
hobojo69 23
Just say you're supper allergic to save face
cactusprick 19
It doesn't matter hOW OLD U ARE SPIDERS ARE TERRIFYING
XKkim_ 16
I was baby sitting a 3-year old once when i saw a baby spider and started screaming. She just laughed and said it was lookin for a piggy.
ulissey_fml 22
I must say, I am shocked. I never, ever kill spiders: they eat mosquitoes; I actually gently put them outside; oddly enough, they are the ones who act terrified of that giant force moving them around.
Crystal4 23
It's ok op, we all have our weakness.
EmsyyyRose13 24
Spiders are ******' scary, man. I don't blame you. If my 8 year old sister wasn't terrified of them as well, she'd be killing them for me, too.