Today, I applied some things I learned reading a "How to please a woman" book. My wife was in heaven until it was over, then she started crying and yelling about the only way I would learn those things is if I was having an affair. I explained but she doesn't believe me. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I caught my wife trying to give herself oral sex. It was sexy and also kinda funny, so I offered to do it to her properly. She got explosively mad for some reason and actually threw me out. I’m writing this from my brother's spare room, wondering where I went wrong. FML
Today, I was giving my wife a massage. That led to some very intense and passionate love making, and she told me that has been the best sex we’ve had. Next thing I know, she's upset and yelling at me about how massages always lead to sex. She was asking for it. Literally. FML
Today, my wife called me at work, screaming in rage that she hated me, that I was a useless lump, that she wishes we'd never met. Did I have an affair or burn the house down? Nope. I set up the kids' backpacks for school today and forgot a library book that was due today. FML
Today, an hour after having been turned down for sex, I walked in on my wife fingering herself to a copy of War and Peace. FML
Today, my wife caught me masturbating to porn. She screamed at me and asked why I would be masturbating when I had her to have sex with. So I asked if she wanted to have sex, she said no. FML
Today, I got home from work a little late due to bad traffic. My wife kissed me, then flew into a rage and swore that I had the taste of penis on my lips, accusing me of cheating on her with a guy. Apparently she got this insane "test your man" idea from some Cosmo-type magazine. FML
Today, my wife thinks I will agree to anything she says if she just pleasures me orally. I now found out, she is correct. FML
Today, my wife has been super into sex lately, she even let me try some of the stuff she said no to before, and even surprised me with some of the kinky stuff she’s always wanted to try. Sounds great, right? Nope. Turns out she was overcompensating from the guilt of also fucking my coworker. FML
Today, I walked into the bedroom to find my wife naked, bent over the bed, swaying her cheeks back and forth at me, so what else was I to think? Instead of some good loving, all I got was a shouting and a lecture that just because she’s naked doesn’t mean she’s after sex. I give up. FML
Today, I was told I should try treating my wife the way she treats me when I seek out her affection, so she can see how bad it hurts. Not only could I never do that to her, but that would require her attempting to show me even the simplest form of affection. FML
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Top comments
crazyarsedfly 14
Why not just show her the book?
ellemk 0
IF you aren't planning on having an affair, I think that's sweet. Just because he did that doesn't mean he sucks in bed.
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Comments (47)
TheFirstUnAntiNo 0
What a george moment
Senken_ 0
show the goddamn book. show her where you found out how to do this. let it be done.
Kuuga_Rider 0
Wow. you should definitely do what everyone is telling you to do and show her the book.
burgydagamer 0
show her the book....
swkisses5 0
what an unappreciative bitch!!! u shouldn't have to show her the book. she should trust that u wouldn't cheat on her...and when u do show her the book deny her that "good lovin" for a month lol she'll learn
banacafalata 0
Far out! What a psycho! Show her the book and when you finally convince her, use her lack of trust in you to your advantage
Aizsaule 0
Sounds like that book is great, could you mention its send me its name please?
Wizard_and_glass 0
Show her the book.
zebrapattern 6
um so show her the book?
lotusflower007 0
he should of communicated to her his intentions BEFORE, so she would know whats going on. and no he was not accused of learning those things to cheat, but by the act of cheating, picking up a few new tricks from another partner.