Today, I accidentally ran my thumb down the cheese grater while preparing lunch beside my wife. I instantly jerked my hand away from the grater just in time run my forearm across the knife she was using. I now have 20 stitches and 5 staples in my arm, no lunch, and a puking wife. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was cold and alone at work, so I decided to try and warm myself up on the panini toaster. As I was holding the top side open and my other hand over the hot metal, I accidentally closed the door on my hand. FML
Today, as I was about to walk across the street, a girl in front of me who clearly wasn't paying attention to the traffic, almost got run over. I grabbed her arm and jumped back. She was fine. I fell and fractured my arm and wrist. FML
Today, I thought it would be a good idea to sneak out of work early and pay a little visit to the pub. I ended up staggering home, drunkenly making myself a nacho cheese dorito milkshake with the blender, then promptly puked my guts out all over the kitchen table. FML
Today, I accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to take my bra off. FML
Today, while I was eating spicy wings, I suddenly sneezed. I was sitting in front of a fan and effectively maced myself when my spicy sneeze blew back into my face and eyes. FML
Today, I was clipping my abnormally thick toenails. I had to apply so much pressure on the clippers that a nail flew off, hit me in the eyeball and scratched my cornea. The doctor nearly fell off his chair laughing during my eye exam after I told him what happened. FML
Today, I had to wait in a hospital room because I cut myself with a knife while trying to open a box of soda. After three stitches, I went home only to notice the box has an easy-open tab. FML
Today, I was at work laminating a large photo. While I was doing this, I had a sudden itch on my nut sack. So I quickly scratched it away. When the customer came to pick up the print, I noticed that one of my pubic hairs had laminated itself on the cheek of the woman in the photograph. FML
Today, I was teaching a woodshop class. We were using power tools, including drills, and pieces of pine wood. While helping a kid to hold a piece to practice drilling, he went too far forward with the drill. It went through my hand. FML
Today, I was on the toilet when my cat came in and jumped up on the sink. Apparently my lap looked like a comfier seat, so she jumped onto it. She misjudged the distance, but luckily caught herself by sliding to a stop, with her claws in my bare thighs. FML
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Top comments
n_london 0
this is a classic fml. that really sucks. and who the **** votes YDI on this?
kingbob337 0
ouch ouch ouch
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Comments (155)
screwtaylor 0
So I'm guessing your wife doesn't like seeing blood? I wonder how she handles her periods.
allmidnighteyes 11
Maybe his wife is the same girl from recent FMLs who got sick at the sight of her own period?
CyclonePsycho 1
Period blood =/= regular blood. A person can faint at the sight of blood, but won't be phased at all by her periods. @OP: FYL. Seriously, some of these whiny bastards here should take a look at this FML and remember that their life isn't that bad. =
curryndricegirll 0
i think the puking is more from the fact that it's the same knife she uses to cook with. and having your period and getting sick at the sight of blood is not the same thing.
plethora 3
That and the fact that he probably sprayed blood all over her kitchen. And possibly her as well.
ThatDopeKid 0
DAAAAAYUUUUMMM ouch man
JayXL14 0
holy fvck talk about a bad day..............
dustbunny10 0
ahhh!!! soooo grosssss!!!
Brian0192 0
The life of the wife is ended by the knife? wait...
whoaelena 0
STEWIE!
iandevaan 0
YDI for being black
XRiseToFallAgain 0
Second tbh. And I don't quite get why she was puking?
Khalavaster 0
dude, how is that possible? she cutting sideways midair or something? i cant imagine how that would happen, but FYL.
amiotica 2
maybe op made a noise when he jerked his hand back and startled her and she raised the knife thinking that she hit him with it or something was wrong or whatever and then he hit it.... it makes perfect sense
tWitt3rBuG 0
Fcuk dude! Better luck next time. Ouch. What was your wife doing with a knife sticking in the air? Watch your back dude!
ragsy 7
You are a walking disaster area. Hope you have good insurance!