Animals: Today, at the beach, a seagull conveyed its opinion of my cigarette... - FML

By toto13660

Today, at the beach, a seagull conveyed its opinion of my cigarette by taking a dump on it, putting it out. Seems they have anti-tobacco sniper seagulls now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7313

You deserved it

12997

Tweet

Share

Fucking Facebook memories

It's not unusual

Beggars can be choosers

By carpetoops - United Kingdom

Today, I spilt purple washing detergent all over my white carpet. Desperate to get it up I grabbed a blue towel and started mopping it up. The detergent hasn't stained the carpet at all, the blue dye from the towel has. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21794

You deserved it

35420

Tweet

Share

By DisgustingCreatures - United States - Houston

Today, I was peacefully using the toilet when I heard a familiar crunching sound behind me. After shooting up and frantically looking around, I hesitantly closed the toilet lid - just in time to see a black cockroach slip into a crevice of the toilet. The thing was close enough to go up my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13500

You deserved it

1138

Tweet

Share

By drurbanXVII - United States

Today, while playing The Sims 2, I realized I had a virtual person's whole life planned out, and have nothing planned out for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23203

You deserved it

49249

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Clinton

Today, my boyfriend picked me up from school. It was an unusually sweet gesture from him, and I was flattered. That is, until he told me to sit my ass in the back, so his dog could ride in front with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25970

You deserved it

4747

Tweet

Share

By BagBoy - United States

Today, I was taking out a customer's groceries when he offered me a $5 tip. I told him I couldn't accept, since it's against store policy, but thanked him anyway. He called me an asshole just as my boss was walking to his car, who then yelled at me for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43695

You deserved it

3021

Tweet

Share

By anon - Australia - Salisbury

Today, my daughter asked me if we could adopt a child. I said no, since we can't afford to support another child. She then asked me if she could just adopt another dad instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21996

You deserved it

2119

Tweet

Share

By Noname - United States

Today, my boyfriend out of the blue told me I wasn't fat, that my stomach was flat and it was only my butt that was big. I thought that this was a compliment. His response? "Not at all". FML

I agree, your life sucks

29819

You deserved it

2903

Tweet

Share

By johnny121 - France

Today, I had to go to the hospital. While I was there, my mom started hitting on a doctor. Later I saw them making out in the room next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35935

You deserved it

2645

Tweet

Share

By voyagevoyage - France - Les Montils

Today, I told my neighbor that I was going to Réunion Island on vacation in a few months. She said that she'd always wanted to go there. As a light-hearted joke, I said she should come with me. She's now booked a plane ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38581

You deserved it

22618

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Harlow

Today, my car alarm went off at a funeral, three times. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24705

You deserved it

3711

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend likes to show his female co-workers his dick, by emailing them pictures of it. I found out when he included my email address in with theirs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33705

You deserved it

3051

Tweet

Share

By Ms. Piggy - United States - Clarksville

Today, I was shopping for dresses when my fiancé turned into what I can only call a groomzilla. He told me and my maid of honor that we need to lose weight because he's not "paying all this money for a pair of fatties to not look good." FML

I agree, your life sucks

48897

You deserved it

7453

Tweet

Share

By luceeloo

Today, I spent my working day teaching my new Supervisor the basics of Excel. Until two weeks ago, he was the Office Junior. He and I applied for the same job, but he got it based on the strengths of his "far superior" Excel skills. I'm now teaching him how to do the job that I didn't get. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11133

You deserved it

817

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom informed me that my entire family puts their dirty towels on the towel rack in the bathroom instead of the hamper. I've been using their dirty towels after showers for as long as I remember. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28047

You deserved it

6458

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my crackhead neighbour got slightly annoyed at my 2-day-old daughter's late-night wailing. Well, I think so, anyway, as she politely requested us to "SHUT THAT CUNT KID UP." or she would "BLOW BOTH OUR HOUSES UP, YOU FUCKING ASSFUCKS." But I'm not 100% sure. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33160

You deserved it

3038

Tweet

Share

By tjcl - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were gazing into each others' eyes in the moonlight after not having seen each other for a week. I thought he was going to say "I love you" and pull me in for a kiss. Instead, he said, "Since you can’t drive, we should get one of those two seater bicycles." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28215

You deserved it

9432

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Belgium

Today, my boss refused my resignation and acted like nothing had happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13018

You deserved it

1156

Tweet

Share

By disappointment son

Today, I caught and kicked a shoplifter out of my store. The shoplifter was my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3382

You deserved it

226

Tweet

Share

By sixsix - France

Today, I made love to my girlfriend. I penetrated her for a while, then stopped to get my breath back... She carried on moaning even though I'd stopped moving. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46003

You deserved it

8602

Tweet

Share

By Anonyme - France

Today, I peeked through my window and trained a pair of binoculars on my neighbour's house. Every night without fail, he ends up standing in front of his window topless to flex his muscles. This time, I was surprised to instead find a note taped to the window saying, "Sorry, I'm out tonight." FML

I agree, your life sucks

12949

You deserved it

83691

Tweet

Share

By sexyswollen - Netherlands

Today, I woke up to find my face all red and swollen. Turns out it is caused by the medication I’ve been taking for over a week now. Only in very rare cases it will cause redness on your skin. I’m glad to know I’m special. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30875

You deserved it

3120

Tweet

Share

By suckatlifeeexo - United States

Today, I was at a swim meet. I was on a relay team and I was the anchor. My team was in 1st. I was ready to dive in when I saw my tampon string was hanging out of my suit. I freaked, slid off the block, and fell on top of the guy before me and gave him a concussion. We got DQed for a false start FML

I agree, your life sucks

48337

You deserved it

16962

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked in on my dad introducing his stuffed gorilla to his cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23846

You deserved it

2891

Tweet

Share

By Melie-Melo - United Kingdom

Today, after repairing the toilet, the light, the shower, the cooker and the heater in the flat I've just moved into, my boiler dies. It's mid December, about 1 degree outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26017

You deserved it

2117

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had just reached in my purse without looking to grab a granola bar when my boss walked in my office. We talked for a few minutes as he kept giving me strange looks and looking at my hand. He left and I realized I hadn't taken a granola bar out, but a tampon instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22952

You deserved it

47110

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Nixa

Today, after having taken hormone tablets to try to increase my cup size, I realized that I've basically reversed my menopause. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6837

You deserved it

33697

Tweet

Share

By Jim

Today, I was walking to the bus for my first day at my new school. I tripped in the darkness and split my chin open and broke my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3250

You deserved it

257

Tweet

Share

By Prepper?

Going out of business? It's a matter of life and death!

Today, the accredited funeral home of my memorial plan is going out of business. Instead of delegating my policy to a different firm, they gave me the package. I now have to take home a land title for where I will be buried, my own coffin, and my headstone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3754

You deserved it

298

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Wrightsville

Today, I took my kids to an Easter party hosted by a local church. The nice lady in charge told the kids, "Jesus died, but He rose to life again!" My 9 year old screamed, "LIKE A ZOMBIE!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

45768

You deserved it

8848

Tweet

Share

By Crazy Cat-less Lady

Today, my mom asked me if I was a lesbian because I haven't brought a guy home in over 7 years. Nope. I'm just a crazy cat lady, minus the cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9695

You deserved it

1145

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Gainesville

Today, my eight-year-old microwaved our thermometer to see if the temperature would change. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35639

You deserved it

4217

Tweet

Share

By booyouwhoree - United States

Today, I told my friend I hadn't had a period in 5 months. She asked me if I was pregnant. When I asked her if I looked 5 months pregant, she replied by saying "is that supposed to be a trick question?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

50742

You deserved it

18328

Tweet

Share

By alyssac11 - United States

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend has a YouTube channel devoted to taking the camera out whenever he has to fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30523

You deserved it

4251

Tweet

Share

By obtuse_ballsack - Croatia - Zagreb

Today, I desperately needed to pee, but my mom was in the bathroom taking a shower, so I waited patiently until she finished. Just as I was about to go in, my half-naked dad rushed ahead, said "Going somewhere, son?" and shut the door on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26581

You deserved it

2736

Tweet

Share

By dude - United States

Today, I was walking downtown when a bum approached me for some change. I planned to give a couple dollars but after pulling out my wallet exposing my cash, the bum beat me unconscious. The bum is a 5'0" tall woman; I'm a 6'2" male out $200. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68047

You deserved it

34200

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was explaining the inner parts of a vagina and how they work. To my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26477

You deserved it

6700

Tweet

Share

By TooFast - Australia - Mount Druitt

Today, after being promised a job and attending five full days of training and induction for a job as a bicycle delivery officer, I was denied the job at the very end of the last day for, "riding my bicycle too quickly on the road." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1743

You deserved it

151

Tweet

Share

By waterbottlehit - United States

Today, a private number called me telling me to "Beware the water bottles" as soon as a water bottle flew through my open window, hitting me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30303

You deserved it

3446

Tweet

Share

By alwaysxgettingxshitxon - United States

Today, I was working at the library. Some punks thought it would be funny to shit in a book, close it and return it in the drop box. The fact that it was sitting outside in the ninety degree heat for a couple hours did not help the stench; it was everywhere and I had to clean the mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60100

You deserved it

2926

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was eating cereal and decided to warm it up to see what it tasted like. So, using a candle in the room I placed my spoon over the flame and waited to see if it heated up. Pleased with my silly experiment, I put the spoon back in my mouth. I now can't talk because of my swollen tongue. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26712

You deserved it

250301

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

No comments yet.

COMMENTS

No comments yet.