Today, at a family dinner, my new husband compared deciding to marry me to buying a used car. Some of the similarites included looking under the hood and finding out how many previous owners there were. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I tried to hint to my husband that we needed a new washing machine. I mentioned that we got our current one way back on our wedding day. He replied, "Yeah, and I got you too." FML
Today, I bought a used car from a friend of mine. After getting the car home and further inspecting it, I found one of my wife's earrings in the backseat. FML
Today, while talking to my parents about my car, my dad said, "Don't put a lot of money into it because we will give you ours when we move." I asked why, and my mom responded, "Well, we helped your sister with her wedding, so this is going to be your wedding gift." I'm getting a car out of pity for not having a wife. FML
Today, I sold my wife's old car because I bought her a newer and nicer one. On the way back home from the sale, the transmission went out in her new one. FML
Today, I drove home in my brand new car, hoping to surprise my girlfriend. She came out the house laughing, saying how funny it was, and how I look like a "twollop" in it. Then in all seriousness, she asked me when I was getting my "actual car" back from the garage. FML
Today, I bought a used car from a private dealer my parents had recommended. On my way home they called to tell me that their car broke down. They bought it last week from the same guy. FML
Today, as I was driving with my boyfriend, he pointed out what a crappy car I drive. About how the locks don't work, the vents are broken, the windshield wipers are busted, my headlights aren't bright, and a hubcap is missing. Then he said I’m a good match for my car, 'cos we have the same “personality". FML
Today, my fiancé paid a visit to my parents so he could ask my dad's permission to marry me. My dad responded with, "Why buy the cow when you can milk it for free?" FML
Today, I was having sex with a guy I met at my friend's party. He stopped mid-thrust, climbed off, and started talking about how nervous he is about buying his first car next week. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he'd drive me to the jeweler's to pick out a ring. We drove there, I picked the ring, and the sales person rang it up. I glanced at my boyfriend, only for him to reply, "Well don't look at me!" FML
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Top comments
adotstud 0
how many miles you have makes a difference in my book. No one likes a loose goose.
Anaxes 5
Dear dumbass, I am writing this letter in complaint of you being literally retarded. I wish to inform you I will not accept you sucking on the BehindTheSun's parenthesis, **** you. One day, a man invented the search engine, so that people could type "Define OP" and learn, as opposed to writing in every comment section on the east side of the Milky Way. You are probably going to whine about your shitty iPhone and tell me it can't do that, like everyone with an iPhone has taken to do when told about how they do everything wrong. In response, I'd like to tell you that if you get a PC, you could experience the new way of typing: Tactile response, because you can FEEL the keys. Please learn to not be such a retard in the future. By the way, why are you sucking on cartoon crocodile eyes and when did BehindTheSun's mom buy them? Kind Regards, Xivilai Anaxes.
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Comments (149)
lickmyjock 0
hahaha I run a tight ship myself
katty2229 4
ydi for being a *****
justmyluck1212 0
S-L-U-T
remy3106 10
what does that spell?? whinney!!! haha sorry Its from a movie
onlyyoushawty6 0
I love that movie! lol
remy3106 10
me too!!! I've seen every single one!!! haha
DjeePee 25
You have to admit that, although it could be embarassing, it is funny. Humour in the relationship
neonveins 0
maybe he was buying the pussy wagon and therefore compared such. just sayin!
mattgl30 0
lmfao that's great
hellokeroppi 5
hahaha! he's clever!
alonzo368 5
wtf...........booooooooooom
KianaCaca 10
Hahahahah, typical (;
MaraMacK 0
haha that's hilarious:)
jdfml90 0
A new woman is like a new pair of shoes.. first they can be a tight fit, they can hurt. After a while they fit perfectly, and you even have some room to grow.