Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my husband came home, threw me over his shoulder, and carried me to the bedroom. Furious, I shrieked to be put down and demanded an explanation. He said, "I thought you wanted us to be more spontaneous…" Apparently, that means he should treat me like a sex toy. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Attempting to make things a little more exciting, I said in my sexiest voice, "Oh yeah, harder." My boyfriend who apparently doesn't like talking dirty, pulled out and angrily said, "I was trying, what more do you want?" FML
Today, I had a chat with my husband, and I convinced him to try being more spontaneous to spice up our sex life. This evening, he burst into our bedroom with an eyepatch on, and "seductively" growled, "I'm gonna slay your pussy, wench." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and, in the heat of the moment, I cried out for him to go harder. He then had an exasperated expression on his face, and, in an adamantly offended tone, said, "Don't tell me what to do." Then he left the room. FML
Today, a few days after getting my nipples repierced, my man initiated sex. Normally, I love it when he's a little rough on my tits, and I guess he forgot about my not-entirely-healed nips. Let's just say sex ended REAL fast. FML
Today, my husband decided to literally spice things up. He put a "small amount" of hot-sauce in our lubricant without telling me. He thought 1,000,000 Scoville units would make me cum. The only one who came was the paramedic. FML
Today, during foreplay with my boyfriend, I put my legs around his neck. He pushed them away violently, shouting, "Bloody hell, it's prickling me!" I'd shaved the day before. FML
Today, me and my hubby wanted to spice things up in the bedroom. He’s always wanted to eat food off my body but never wanted to deal with the mess. He got a little too excited and ended up biting my nipple instead of the spaghetti. I didn’t know someone was capable of biting that hard on soft food. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, my husband wanted me to "spice up" our sex life. I guess he didn't count on me vomiting when he came in my mouth. We won't be getting intimate again for a long, long time now. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
exuberant_orange 17
Did you yank his nipples back?
B1ackthesun 31
Maybe it's just me but if you didn't specify what you meant by 'spice things up' then you deserve it. You can't give vague descriptions like that and expect them to get it right. For some nipple yanking is the best.... For you not so much, but if you didn't tell your partner what you had in mind then you can't blame them for not knowing.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (96)
gary3768 13
sounds like he's been on fetlife to much lol
maggiefox 25
I still have yet to see the problem here? ?
barneyisawesome_fml 9
Hey! He could have pulled the spices out of the cupboard!
LethalSeamonkey 15
Lucky girl!
Narianos 9
This might be one of those times to think of some ideas before you do the deed. At least then when you test it, you know what you're getting into and can see if you do indeed like it.
coste10 1
Did he see 50 shades any time soon?
Silk_Routes 14
i just dont wanna imagine his next move...lol
Omniprism 15
I would have slapped him or kneed him.
codyslong 12
haha I'm sure this was not fun, but it made me laugh
Thnks_Fr_Th_Bnds 15
that must've hurt