Today, as I waited to fly home, a very attractive woman smiled and gestured towards the seat next to me. However, a hyperactive child and his mother barged past into said empty seats. The woman really hit it off with the guy behind, while I was stuck listening to a kid scream at Angry Birds. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got on the bus to go to work. I managed to get a seat, but an old lady who looked tired had to stand. I offered her my seat, but she glared at me, frowned and said, "Go fuck yourself." Everyone laughed as I sat there in dismay. FML
Today, I was on a flight coming back home. On my right was a fat monk who was snoring very loudly, and on my left there were two old women who were talking about their teenage love lives in detail. The flight was 17 hours long. FML
Today, I got stuck on an airplane for a while before takeoff. Someone decided it was a great time to get diarrhea while on the toilet, and we couldn't take off for safety reasons. FML
Today, I was on a train, sitting next to an old man who was reading a newspaper. Suddenly, he sneezed without putting his hands over his nose. Instead of turning towards the window, he turned towards me. FML
Today, I was on a plane heading home from vacation with the family, when went to relieve my bladder and stepped on someone's shit. They seemingly decided the floor was a better then the toilet. I walked all the way back to my seat with shit on my sandal, my sister thought I'd shat myself. FML
Today, a man next to me was feeding the birds when he ran out of food. We were at Adventure Island and there were "Do not feed the birds" signs everywhere. The birds then became aggressive and started savaging the both of us. FML
Today, while waiting for my mom to pick me up from university, I took out my phone and pretended to talk to someone. I didn't think people still pointed and laughed, but apparently they do when your mom pulls up and shouts, "Stop pretending to talk to someone." FML
Today, I saw a woman breastfeeding her child at the local park. That would have been just fine if the child wasn't at least 8 years-old. FML
Today, I was listening to some Michael Jackson through my earphones when I saw this really cute girl. Trying to impress, I approached her while doing some dance moves, not thinking about how unbelievably stupid it must have looked without the music. FML
Today, I was at the mall with my young daughter. I hate pooping in public but I really had to go so I brought her in with me. Thinking we were alone, I started to go and my daughter yelled, "Good job Mommy, you're using the potty like a big girl!" I then heard laughing. FML
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Top comments
Pleonasm 36
Ouch FYL OP, cockblocked by a bird-flinging kid!
EnterSandman_fml 20
Damn, this is like a double FML. Losing the girl, getting stuck listening to whiny children. It could've been worse though, there could've been a snoring fat man with horrendous BO in the seat in front of you.
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Comments (75)
Dixbfloppin 11
There's ALWAYS that one parent with the annoying kid on the plane.
EpicSquishii 21
OMG what a **** for daring to smile at one stranger and have an enjoyable conversation with the next. Everyone knows that females are only supposed to acknowledge exactly one male person a day, lest she be labled the next Typhoid Mary. You sure dodged a bullet with that friendly *****, OP
HSOMGF 5
If you're trying to pick up women on airplanes, your life needs some serious renovation.
metalhead4740 14
Ouch dude, I feel your pain. We've all been cockblocked by children at some point...I think...
PhishloverA 14
And what you didn't know was that they just cockblocked you by sabotaging your sexy time with the woman on the flight home. No mile high club for you
poetrywriter12 6
Surely if she'd wanted him to sit next to her that badly, she would have said the seat was taken... Maybe just being polite?
BrotherTheo 31
Hey ya loosing out on the girl sucks, no joke. However, when did you loose the ability to talk to the parent of the loud child and say, 'Hiya, sorry but your child is really disturbing, would you please calm them down? thanks'. Their Kid, Their problem. Speak up!
ian4801 5
Hey at least you didn't sit next to her, she just tried to hook up with you, but instead she tried immediately with the guy behind her. Doesn't sound like she would be that great in my opinion.