Miscellaneous: Today, as I tried to parallel park at a busy spot downtown, a... - FML

By moonbears - United States - Portland

Today, as I tried to parallel park at a busy spot downtown, a group of teens jumped in front of my car and started a slow clap. FML

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Serious times

Out of it

Thanks, I'm cured!

By penguins - United States

Today, I found out that in the three years I've been dating my boyfriend, his parents have secretly been going through all of his emails, including the ones I've sent him with "sexy" pictures attached. I can't look his parents in the eye without being reminded that they've both seen me naked. FML

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By goodbyeadulthood

Millennial Life

Today, my parents told me that from now on I have to share a room with my 9-year-old sister. She already called top bunk. I'm 20. FML

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By Cnscott0205 - United States - Denver

Big one

Today, I accidentally touched someone's boobs. It was a man. And I noticed that they were bigger than mine. FML

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By Anonymous

Definitely done that

Today, at work, I put my earphones in to listen to some music. An hour later, I realised I never pressed play. FML

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By stk - United States - Aurora

Today, I woke up at 3am to catch my flight back home, only to realize that my flight was pushed back 14 hours. FML

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By jordanss - United States

Today, my apartment building shut off our water for a short period of time because the pipes were being worked on. It was also the morning my dog had diarrhea on my cream carpet. Not only did I have to clean it up without water, I couldn't wash my hands afterward. FML

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By englishtrio - United States

Today, after finally giving up on the search for my lost dog, I realized that my neighbors had found her and are convinced that she was a stray. They won't give her up and are now mad at me for trying to take my own dog back. FML

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By soldierboy - United States

Today, after nearly 2 years of continuous fighting in Afghanistan, my unit came home. We were booed at the airport. FML

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By CzechMeOut - United Kingdom

Today, while visiting family in the Czech Republic, I was told on two separate occasions that I looked like a Czech TV star. Flattered, I asked what the TV show was called. Turns out there's a Czech version of 'Ugly Betty'. FML

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By jenjam

Today, I bought a home at a bargain. It will need 5 grand in repairs to fix plumbing and electric, but it's mine. When I pulled up the listing to show pictures to my friends, there was a new listing that was in the same neighborhood, and a larger, nicer house that is move in ready. Same price. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to visit my grandmother. My grandfather recently died, so I had gotten her a cat for comfort. Turns out in her sadness, she had forgotten about the cat. I found its remains being eaten by ants and birds. FML

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By Nalya - France

Today, my fiancé told me, that after 7 years together, he is no longer in love with me. Shocked and appalled, I ask him if he has anything else to add. "Happy Birthday". FML

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By lip - France

Today, I was jerking off in the train washroom when the ticket inspector knocked at the door. I was nearly done so I didn't open right away. I didn't think he would have the key…I found myself face to face with him and three other passengers. The worst being I didn't have a ticket. FML

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By lonelynessinCA - United States

Today, I was so lonely that I pretended I wanted to buy something from a telemarketer so that they would keep talking to me. FML

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By GogglesGoggles - United States

Today, a guy punched me in the subway for staring at his girlfriend. I had dark glasses on, and was fast asleep. FML

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By

Today I had a narrow escape with a nailgun that nailed my workboot to the floor but luckily missed my foot. After I calmed down and changed boots I returned to the nailgun, started working again and barely 30 seconds later I managed to nail my thumb to a piece of wood. Man, I'm bad at my job. FML

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By Rachael - United States

Today, as a part of my job, I took a couple around to look at houses that are on sale. After driving them around and looking at tons of houses, the wife said, "Okay. I think we have enough decorating ideas." FML

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By dadsadipshit - United States

Today, my dad lost his mind over the meteorite incident in Russia. He's convinced that it's part of some big government conspiracy to cover up a UFO crash-landing, and now he won't stop dismissively calling us "sheep" and telling us "do the research" just because we don't agree with him. FML

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By jazzie7719 - United States - Arlington

Today, I went into an exam room to do a check-up on one of my patients. I told the little girl's mother that she needed her flu shots. When the girl heard this, she took an apple out of her pocket and threw it at me. FML

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By wantedphantom

Today, I was at the lake with my family. I was drinking from a can of soda but didn't realize a bee flew into the can. I didn't swallow it, but I now have Kylie Jenner's lips. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Mooroolbark

Today, the doorbell rang. I saw my incredibly overbearing mum's car outside, so I stayed quiet and tried to sneak upstairs. As I crawled through the hallway, commando style, I realised the door blinds were still out for cleaning. If scowls could kill, I'd be roasting in Hell right now. FML

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By electricpuddle

Today, while letting horses out to switch pasture, one ran at me, sending me through the electric fence and into a mud puddle. Wrapped in electric fence, I sat in that electric mud puddle, screaming every time it shocked me. Help arrived, once they'd had a good long laugh. FML

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By SHIT-BREATH - United Kingdom - Chepstow

Today, my puppy came into my room, and I cupped his head in my hands and bent down to kiss him. As I did, I realized that the part of his head I was kissing was covered in his own shit that he'd seemingly been rolling in. FML

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By adventurousnightsbutnotinagoodway - Netherlands - Leiden

Today, it was safe to say I started sleepwalking again, after I woke up with a mouth filled with soil and a ravaged plant. FML

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By Ow - United States - Golden Valley

Today, due to my short temper, I punched myself in the nose because I wouldn't stop sneezing. FML

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By monkeywrench - United States

Today, I got some spam stating that I'd have no love life in the coming 10 years if I didn't reply to it. So, no different to the last 10 years then. FML

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By anonymous - Canada

Today, I found out that my ex-boyfriend stole a pair of my underwear, and still wears them to this day. FML

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By Thithien1 - Korea Republic of

Today, I was on a crowded subway going home. My trousers were a bit dusty so I tried to dust myself off. As I was slapping the side of my leg I missed and hit a woman behind me in the ass. She called me a pervert and walked off. Everyone stared at me. It takes 40 minutes to get home. FML

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By hopefulanonymous - United States

Today, I dropped off a box for my sister at her job. In a rush, I unknowingly parked in a reserved spot. When I got back to my car, I saw that my car was being towed. After successfully flirting myself out of an expensive towing bill, I backed into the pole behind me, leaving a noticeable dent. FML

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By airplanes-suck - United States

Today, I went on a plane and was sitting next to a mom with her 12-year old daughter. Apparently, they decided to have "the talk." On the plane, right next to me. I heard everything, and actually learned new things. I'm 35. FML

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By BigToe - United States

Today, I broke my toe. My mom didn't think it was necessary to take me to hospital, opting to give me some painkillers instead. They were so strong that I fell asleep for an hour during my exam. FML

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By anon - Australia

Today, I watched "Time of the Doctor" and I'm pretty sure my love of Doctor Who slithered out through my ear and shamefully lodged itself in the darkest corner of the room, crying. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Yorktown Heights

Today, I accidentally hit someone's car while at the supermarket. I left a note, went shopping, and when I came back my windows were shattered, my tires were slashed and "f you" was written on my windshield. FML

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By Samantha - Canada

Today, I was having lunch at a cafe. There was an attractive guy looking at me from another table. I smiled back and gave a little wink. A minute later he approached me. I introduced myself and asked if he wanted my number. He said, "Um, no but what are you eating? It looks really good" FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Irving

Today, my mother in law accidentally cc'd me on an email she was sending to my husband, telling him that his youth is fleeting and that he should leave me while he still has time. FML

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By asshole - 19/4/2020 20:00

Doing his part

Today, I found out that while I was at my job as an "essential" employee, my laid-off boyfriend was at home banging the landlord's daughter. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I checked over my notes from yesterday's midterm review so I could study for the test on Monday. It seems I was so exhausted, I'd done nothing but scribble unintelligibly all over the first page. FML

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By mcase - United States - Compton

Today, my 17-year-old daughter's friend told her that superglue works well as lip gloss. She tried it. FML

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By Sun_Kissed18 - United States - Hillsborough

Today, at my job at a frozen yogurt shop, an elderly woman gladly announced that I'd be seeing a lot of her due to the vaginal infection that she has. Thank you for that, ma'am. FML

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By sensativenose - United States

Today, I went on a date with the girl I like to a skating rink. On the ride home she put her arm around me. Her armpits stank and I smelt them the whole hour and a half drive. FML

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Top comments

By olpally | 32

#6442068 - Friday 23 October 2015 1:43

Should give them a little bumper love tap...

By man_in_black08 | 28

#6442060 - Friday 23 October 2015 1:42

You should have slowly given them the finger!

COMMENTS

By JohnEvans | 3

#6442057 - Friday 23 October 2015 1:41

First Comment!

By man_in_black08 | 28

#6442060 - Friday 23 October 2015 1:42

You should have slowly given them the finger!

Reply

cypherwars | 15

#6443289 - Saturday 24 October 2015 15:45

Like Chris Pratt did in Guardians Of The Galaxy before being sent to The KYLN. :)

By Ninjahiga | 27

#6442063 - Friday 23 October 2015 1:42

Wow, so safe of them

By AllyJo1231 | 15

#6442067 - Friday 23 October 2015 1:43

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

XxDanno316xX | 27

#6442175 - Friday 23 October 2015 4:34

You were one of the slow clappers... we all know

By olpally | 32

#6442068 - Friday 23 October 2015 1:43

Should give them a little bumper love tap...

By ERaj1123 | 18

#6442072 - Friday 23 October 2015 1:45

I can't even think of why someone would do that.

Reply

Grayness_ | 26

#6442197 - Friday 23 October 2015 4:57

Because they suck at parallel parking?.. Duh

Reply

Mauskau | 35

#6442321 - Friday 23 October 2015 10:19

I hate parallel parking, where I live there isn't many places to do it so I have very little practice, it makes it a bit annoying when I do have to try. Usually there are spaces where I can just drive forwards into it when I do have to park like that. I'll admit, I suck at parallel parking :)

By warped_executive | 16

#6442076 - Friday 23 October 2015 1:49

Slowly gives them the finger..

Reply

Internetflakes | 13

#6442168 - Friday 23 October 2015 4:14

wow, i wish someone would have commented that sooner!

Reply

warped_executive | 16

#6442419 - Friday 23 October 2015 14:13

Wow I didn't see it!

By Cads1 | 24

#6442077 - Friday 23 October 2015 1:49

Evil little pricks. Funny but evil.

By LilMissCanadian | 22

#6442078 - Friday 23 October 2015 1:49

Sorry you had to encounter these people. Honestly, some teens are fucked up today.

Reply

sureshadow | 23

#6442311 - Friday 23 October 2015 9:24

Why does all the blame be based on today? I guarantee people have always been stupid.

Reply

igive | 28

#6442801 - Saturday 24 October 2015 1:48

Exactly. Guess who invented the old "flaming poop on the door-step?" Not today's teenagers! Therefore, punk ass teenagers have always existed.

By bridges13 | 19

#6442082 - Friday 23 October 2015 1:51

At least they had a sense of humor.