Today, after spending over two hours cleaning my kitchen from... - FML

By jaimpastaggle - 6/10/2016 14:24 - France

Today, after spending over two hours cleaning my kitchen from top to bottom, my 5-year-old then runs in, yells, “Snowstorm!” and throws a bag of flour all over the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10983

You deserved it

1272

Tweet

Share

Basic Instinct

Alexa, play "The Lovecats" by The Cure

Trip Advisor says no

By FlorenceD - 12/8/2012 04:34 - United States - Dallas

Today, I was walking up some stairs and heard a noise as if someone was following me. The faster I went, the louder the noise got. I was too scared to realize that it was just my thighs causing my jeans to chafe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19384

You deserved it

10780

Tweet

Share

By embarassinggg - 6/2/2013 18:57 - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, my mum came to my ballet class. She spent the whole lesson sitting at the back yelling at me to "stop sticking your butt out". My ballet instructor had to ask her several times to pipe down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31423

You deserved it

2455

Tweet

Share

By soldierboy - 30/8/2010 00:39 - United States

Today, after nearly 2 years of continuous fighting in Afghanistan, my unit came home. We were booed at the airport. FML

I agree, your life sucks

141320

You deserved it

13647

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/10/2011 22:40 - United States

Today, I realized the closest I've ever been to being hit on was with a car in the school parking lot. Even then, the guy claimed he "didn't notice" me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27913

You deserved it

3014

Tweet

Share

By nokeys - 2/4/2009 20:16 - United States

Today, I got into a huge fight with my boyfriend after driving 200 miles to see him. While arguing, I told him I never wanted to see him again and left after slamming the front door. I left my car keys in his kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20722

You deserved it

58952

Tweet

Share

By jules - 10/3/2011 07:53 - United States

Today, an older man sat next to me while he ate his lunch. He dropped what I assumed was his cutlery. Wanting to help out, I picked it up off the floor. It was his teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29114

You deserved it

5006

Tweet

Share

By WWJD - 1/3/2017 12:00 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and I lustfully requested we try doggy style this time. He responded, "No, Jesus wouldn't like that." FML

I agree, your life sucks

10106

You deserved it

1553

Tweet

Share

By Unemployed - 21/9/2009 17:08 - United States

Today, my grandma picked up the phone. It was a man asking to speak to me. Instead of giving me the phone she decides to hang up on him, thinking it was some guy trying to "get with me." It turned out to be the call I've been waiting all week for... a call from a huge company about a job offer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46624

You deserved it

2730

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 3/1/2012 19:22 - United States

Today, as I was driving in reverse, I hit my boyfriend's mom's car. I met her for the first time while giving her my information. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30861

You deserved it

7864

Tweet

Share

By could be an fml commenter - 13/4/2013 17:26 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I got the chance to speak to some of the top academics in my field. I was so hungover that I couldn't remember the title of the Masters degree I've spent two years studying for, let alone make intelligent comments. I'm pretty sure the only thing I got right was my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15658

You deserved it

108012

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 3/4/2013 09:17 - United States

Today, I was lost in a foreign city so I asked a girl for directions. She replied, "Directions? ONE DIRECTION!" and started screaming in my face and jumping around. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48625

You deserved it

5685

Tweet

Share

By you're just creepy. - 11/12/2012 08:39 - Canada - Whitehorse

Today, I smiled at a new kid and started a conversation with him, just to be nice. He later sent me 24 messages describing how strong his love for me is. I'm scared to go to school tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34953

You deserved it

3735

Tweet

Share

By noname - 29/12/2009 06:09 - France

Today, my flatmate was listening to opera on full volume all afternoon and now he's playing James Bond on the trumpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23974

You deserved it

3203

Tweet

Share

By dantheman - 24/7/2009 14:56 - United States

Today, I just got a new assignment for the moving company I work for. Two weeks ago my fiancé dumped me and I moved out of the house. Almost all of the furniture was mine and it took forever. The new moving assignment I have is moving her new boyfriend into my old house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50202

You deserved it

2792

Tweet

Share

By boylookingirl - 30/1/2011 15:30 - United States

Today, my friend installed this new application that shows you what a girl would look like as a boy and what a boy would look like as a girl. Well I'm a girl and when it was my turn it didn't change. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32903

You deserved it

4973

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/9/2013 21:51 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, my 16-year-old cousin came to visit for the week. So far, she's said "raunchy", "cray-cray", "legit", and "like" an uncountable number of times. She's only been here for a half hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44701

You deserved it

3711

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/6/2017 03:30 - India - Vijayawada

Today, it's my roommate's birthday. His friends were planning on a surprise birthday cake at midnight last night, and one of them told me about it, hoping to split the expense between us, which I was totally cool with. But I fell asleep before midnight and they didn't even bother to wake me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4352

You deserved it

981

Tweet

Share

By Fattypatty - 9/7/2009 06:21 - United States

Today, I realized how fat I really am. While going to the bathroom I leaned to the side to wipe my butt and heard a crack. Not knowing what it was, I continued to wipe. After I finished, I got up to see that I'd cracked the toilet seat in half. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25248

You deserved it

58148

Tweet

Share

By Hannah - 4/3/2012 20:46 - United States

Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24918

You deserved it

31569

Tweet

Share

By KillMeNow - 6/6/2011 06:27 - United States

Today, Twilight once again won all the awards at MTV, beating out Inception, Toy Story 3, Harry Potter, etc. This is MY generation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

105032

You deserved it

12077

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/9/2010 15:58 - United States

Today, I am a 22 year old male with a 11:00 pm curfew. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35224

You deserved it

16352

Tweet

Share

By upset mom - 24/4/2019 04:00

Today, during a meeting, the president of the honor society apologized for being out for a couple of days due to the flu, and wanted to get everything back on track. I mumbled that she hadn't shown good leadership by being out. I guess she heard me, because she said, “Neither does being a teen mom.” FML

I agree, your life sucks

579

You deserved it

5952

Tweet

Share

By MdT - 23/5/2009 11:51 - South Africa

Today, my family returned from a holiday in Egypt. A holiday that I really wanted to spend with them. As if leaving me behind wasn't bad enough, they then made me watch a 200 picture slideshow of how much fun they had. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49684

You deserved it

3678

Tweet

Share

By crap - 19/6/2009 17:34 - United States

Today, I woke up extremely hungover. I couldn't find my car keys so I went out to my car to see if I had locked them inside. I walked back to the door of my apartment barefoot and empty handed, only to find that I had locked myself out of the apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11826

You deserved it

44756

Tweet

Share

By Powerless - 30/8/2012 06:05 - Australia

Today, I had a planned 12-hour power cut for maintenance work, which I'd forgot all about. In need of a shower before work, I spent 45 minutes boiling pots of water on the stove to take a lukewarm, 6-inch deep bath, before realizing my water heater runs on natural gas and was working fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9007

You deserved it

29588

Tweet

Share

By EyupItsLucas - 24/3/2020 13:35

Directed by Alfred Hitchcock

Today, there’s been birds nesting in my wall since mid winter. They’ve recently started scratching at the wall as if they wanted to get through. This morning, they made their entrance. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1409

You deserved it

231

Tweet

Share

By dogwheels - 20/12/2011 11:54 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to sit and listen to my co-worker moan about how early he has to get up tomorrow to go on his ski holiday in France over Christmas. He also complained about how tiring skiing is. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33740

You deserved it

2401

Tweet

Share

By still on hol - 27/12/2014 10:12 - United Kingdom - Harlow

Today, I've spent far too long on hold to Apple customer support. Unfortunately the only thing to come from it is I now have "Call me maybe" stuck in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28570

You deserved it

3433

Tweet

Share

By Llaurin - 24/1/2011 14:43 - United Kingdom

Today, my husband has been painting our house all weekend and plans to finish the job after work today. I decided to surprise him by completing the job myself. Painting the last window frame, I dropped the open tin of white paint, right onto our car roof. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25631

You deserved it

10738

Tweet

Share

By Jodie - 3/2/2012 12:48 - Australia

Today, I had to change my mobile number because I was getting abused by a guy, so I sent my new number to all of the people on my contact list. Including him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11869

You deserved it

50104

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 16/6/2009 22:58 - United States

Today, while on my daily jog, I passed a very attractive girl. While passing her, she yelled "hey cutie". Trying to look cool, I tried turning around without stopping. I then fell off the curb and severely sprained my ankle. She caught up to help but was laughing the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14913

You deserved it

40337

Tweet

Share

By ... cheers - 16/7/2013 20:32 - United Kingdom - Bishopton

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. His reason was that my laugh is really annoying and makes him want to "stick a baby in a blender". FML

I agree, your life sucks

50968

You deserved it

9678

Tweet

Share

By Username - 6/7/2010 22:21 - France

Today, at the crack of dawn, I started a 700 mile road trip with my three children. So far, I've stopped four times, settled several arguments, cleaned up spilled yogurt and melted silly putty. 130 miles down, 570 to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34972

You deserved it

12651

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 3/1/2016 23:00 - United States - Kennett Square

Today, I was at work, a grocery store, and my manager came up to me while I was on my lunch break. He told me that a customer said someone in the parking lot had been loitering around the cars. I went outside to investigate and saw a drunk man pooping on the front of a car. That car was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21305

You deserved it

1253

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/8/2009 08:58 - United States

Today, I was at the pool, casually flirting with one of the lifeguards. He said that he would gladly give me CPR, in the event that I needed it. I laughed and thanked him, stating that it was a sweet idea, even though I wouldn't be needing assistance. I then choked on my bottled water. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15897

You deserved it

44743

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/12/2019 20:00 - United States - Santa Monica

She used me

Today, I discovered my friend will be upstaging my birthday by hosting another birthday party shortly afterwards. Not for her of course, but in honor of her favorite actor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1672

You deserved it

146

Tweet

Share

By atleastshelldiefirst - 13/10/2012 00:18 - United States

Today, I was grocery shopping, when an elderly lady walked up to me and tripped over her own feet. I caught her by the arm, at which point she shrieked at me for "groping" her. She ended up smirking as security threw me out of the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26840

You deserved it

1777

Tweet

Share

By 16590 - 15/6/2012 22:13 - Sweden

Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44847

You deserved it

4771

Tweet

Share

By sandwichsex - 8/8/2009 22:39 - United States

Today, me and my boyfriend were fooling around on my bed when things started to get heated. I said to him, "Do what ever you want". He got up and said he'd be right back. I thought he went to get a condom. He came back with a sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46943

You deserved it

11913

Tweet

Share

By "Noelle Diane Irwin" - 21/2/2019 16:00

Today, I just found out that my sister slept with the guy that I have had a crush on for years and that she may or may not be pregnant with his child. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2217

You deserved it

254

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By ArealgamerC | 6

#7779974 - Monday 11 March 2019 20:24

Where the fuck did he get the flour

COMMENTS

By ArealgamerC | 6

#7779974 - Monday 11 March 2019 20:24

Where the fuck did he get the flour