Love: Today, after I caught my husband cheating and lying, he had the... - FML

15/05/2017 02:00

Today, after I caught my husband cheating and lying, he had the nerve to claim it wasn't a big deal because, "I always come home to you!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 415

You deserved it 380

Best teeth in the game

Delayed

Big lad

24/09/2011 21:34 - United States

Today, like every day, I walked into my office and was greeted by the smell of shit wafting through the air. My lactose intolerant, diabetic coworker won't stop eating Whataburger and milkshakes for breakfast, no matter what his body tells him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 022

You deserved it 2 563

07/07/2010 09:43 - Canada

Today, my parents told me that I was born to entertain my brother. I have found the meaning of life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 672

You deserved it 4 105

10/11/2016 14:29 - United States - Lewistown

Today, I was subpoenaed on behalf of my mother-in-law. My husband said if I didn't defend her and consequently lie under oath, our marriage is over. She said, "I can get rid of two problems in one day!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 721

You deserved it 749

29/10/2010 05:22 - United States

Today, I had a serious conversation with my dad about my brother and I. It started with, "I love you", and ended with, "You and your brother were mistakes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 062

You deserved it 2 824

19/01/2009 09:21 - United States

Today, I figured I'd throw my ex-boyfriend a compliment and told him how "gifted" he was below the belt. He thinks he's paying me a compliment when he tells me how much he loves that little roll of skin that pops up over the top of my pants when I sit down. I'm trying to lose weight, asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 931

You deserved it 8 285

21/09/2017 04:30

Today, I got some news from two colleagues, one of whom just got married for the first time, and the other whose long-time wife was recently diagnosed with an advanced form of cancer. I wrote each of them a heartfelt note, which would've been thoughtful if I hadn't mixed up the recipients. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 018

You deserved it 885

22/04/2011 02:55 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I had to console my drunk dad over his girlfriend breaking up with him. When he said, "You know why we broke up don't you?" I replied, "Yeah, you were fighting a lot, right?" Wrong. I then had to explain to him that his erectile dysfunction wasn't something to be embarrassed about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 985

You deserved it 3 467

07/11/2009 10:22 - Japan

Spicy

Today, my husband left his cell phone at home. I looked through his contacts and found a person named "The Bitch." Being a very curious person, I decided to call "The Bitch" to see who it was. My phone rang. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 272

You deserved it 17 294

08/03/2010 01:46 - United States

Today, at work, I had toast thrown at me by an old Vietnam vet. Who also happens to have a dead cat in his freezer. I love retirement homes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 531

You deserved it 2 579

22/09/2015 05:09 - United States - Boston

Today, I tried to be nice and let a homeless man have a place to crash for the night. He repaid me by pissing all over my new couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 588

You deserved it 23 282

29/10/2011 14:07 - United States

Today, I locked myself out of my own shop. And I'm a locksmith. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 886

You deserved it 11 919

16/02/2011 17:51 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend said "It's funny how every time we have sex I'm wearing these panties." We've been having sex every day for the last six days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 214

You deserved it 7 081

22/06/2015 20:58 - United States - Vallejo

Today, I went to my girlfriend's parents' house for lunch. I ended up in the bathroom constipated and remembered reading it's easier to "go" if you are squatting. My girlfriend's dad walked in on me perched on the toilet like an owl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 390

You deserved it 5 249

27/07/2014 17:12 - United States - Greensboro

Today, my girlfriend came back from camping with her friends. I say "friends", I mean "friend". And when I say "friend", I mean "her ex". I took a look through her bag afterwards, and well, who knew condoms were considered camping equipment these days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 450

You deserved it 6 925

16/10/2009 03:36 - United States

Today, my fiancé told my mom that she screwed me up. I now have to write an apologetic e-mail to her for something that I agree with, in order for her to stop calling me crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 918

You deserved it 3 815

27/02/2013 21:42 - United Kingdom

Today, my 20-year-old daughter staggered into my room at two in the morning, drunker than I ever thought a person could be, screaming for me to make pancakes for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 415

You deserved it 7 718

29/03/2012 11:13 - Canada

Today, I had a job interview. I have major OCD, and I had to sit in a room with a man covered in cat hair, struggling to even survive for an hour and a half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 408

You deserved it 3 962

25/06/2013 17:16 - United States - Surprise

Today, while walking around town, some guy grabbed me from behind, clutched at my nipples, and said, "That's where I always imagined they were." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 094

You deserved it 4 280

Snug as a bug…

By Anonymous - 02/10/2019 02:01

Today, my nose had been feeling weirdly uncomfortable all day. After I got home, I blew my nose really hard. I found that a bug had been resting inside my nose the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 708

You deserved it 141

03/10/2009 11:43 - Australia

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. I found out he was seeing someone behind my back: my ex-boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 462

You deserved it 5 177

13/05/2011 01:09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend sent out a mass text to everyone on her contact list. She's getting married in a month. I didn't propose to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 085

You deserved it 3 642

Goodbye phone

By so jealous - 27/04/2020 05:00

Today, I was FaceTiming a good friend of mine from back home, telling her how good she looked and how happy I was to hear from her. My insanely jealous girlfriend snatched my phone and smashed it on the ground. I was saying my friend looked good because she'd just finished chemo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 133

You deserved it 380

05/04/2016 20:13 - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, I forgot an important book for school, because I dreamt that I was putting it in my bag. My brain somehow classified it as reality. This isn't the first time my dreams have trolled me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 127

You deserved it 2 418

29/09/2016 03:20 - United States - Huntington Beach

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend of 4 years in front of the sell-out crowd at the baseball game, but at the security checkpoint, the security guard made me take the ring out and open it after I walked through the metal detector. No need to say it, worst proposal ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 879

You deserved it 1 849

The void

By natasha - 01/07/2020 05:03

Today, my depression has hit a new low. I had to verbally motivate myself for at least an hour in order to wash two plates. I ended up giving up in the middle, and completely shutting down for six hours afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 370

You deserved it 250

05/02/2016 10:27 - United Kingdom - Oldbury

Spicy

Today, we had my grandmother with dementia round for tea. She looked me up and down and said, very matter-of-factly, "Well, with a figure like that, no one will rape you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 194

You deserved it 2 363

20/08/2019 00:01

Today, my daughter asked me to join the Army so that she wouldn't have to see me anymore. She's four. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 706

You deserved it 208

A teaching moment

By Sensitive!!! - 24/08/2020 21:56 - Australia - Brisbane

Spicy

Today, my husband is so bad at foreplay that when he remembers to try and turn me on, he digs around really hard like he's scratching a bug bite. Last time, his nail sliced my clitoris. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 041

You deserved it 251

09/02/2011 00:30 - United States

Today, I was working on my art portfolio. I had drawn a self-portrait. When I was satisfied, I wanted to show my parents. They thought it was a drawing of a bear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 352

You deserved it 5 205

07/10/2018 12:00

Today, I hit someone’s car and got arrested for a DUI. I had to tell my parents so they could remove me from the insurance. My mom's response in the background after I told my dad was "I knew it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 139

You deserved it 4 250

03/12/2009 05:59 - United States

Today, my husband stabbed me with his unusually long nasty toes nails in the leg while he slept. It took 3 stitches to fix it up, my husband and doctor laughed the entire time. He still refuses to cut them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 274

You deserved it 3 856

09/03/2012 06:43 - United States

Today, I accused a student in my class of getting his dad to do his homework. It turns out that his dad died 2 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 759

You deserved it 57 869

20/12/2016 04:05 - United States - Riverton

Today, my parents finally realized that I've been sneaking vodka when they weren't home. Note to self: don't let them freeze vodka that's actually 75% water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 658

You deserved it 8 937

10/12/2009 05:41 - United States

Today, I really wanted something to drink. I looked in the fridge, and found some of my grandma's soy milk. I decide to take a swig, and instead of tasting soy, I tasted rotten chicken. Turns out my grandma knew I drink her soy milk and decided to swap it with expired chicken broth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 657

You deserved it 42 445

25/04/2013 19:37 - United States - Norcross

Today, I had a formal complaint filed against me for being outrageously rude to a customer. All I did was tell a customer that she couldn't use food stamps at the movie theater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 532

You deserved it 2 904

05/11/2012 19:25 - United States - Tucson

Spicy

Today, I looked up the side effects of the antidepressants I've recently started taking. Inability to orgasm is one of them. I can either not be depressed, or I can have an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 191

You deserved it 4 272

Going well, is it?

By Elizabeth - 29/07/2011 19:56 - United States

Spicy

Today, I called my boyfriend to let him know that after he gets off work, he can find me in his room wearing something sexy. He responded with, "Please don't touch anything." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 775

You deserved it 5 437

Three kids?

By Anonymous - 08/01/2020 20:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got the results proving if my ex-girlfriend's kid was mine. The results came back negative and I can't have kids. This wouldn't be a problem if I didn't have 3 kids with my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 050

You deserved it 287

The eyeball zone

By crazylobster - 14/11/2009 16:52 - Australia

Today, I noticed that in my cover letter I wrote, "I also have an eye.", instead of, "I also have an eye for detail", and I have been sending it out for the past few weeks. No wonder I haven't gotten any replies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 520

You deserved it 31 509

01/11/2011 19:02 - United States

Today, I was hurriedly doing laundry. I threw a second load in the dryer and slammed the door shut. All of a sudden, I heard scratching and whining coming from the dryer. My cat probably hates me now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 366

You deserved it 38 483

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

almost_there44 26

Send a private message

Monday 15 May 2017 2:06

You already know what to do. Get yourself tested and get a lawyer as soon as possible. This behavior of his will always continue as long as you allow it. Get out immediately, take care of yourself and your kids if you have any.

jbuckets_404 38

Send a private message

Monday 15 May 2017 2:02

He won't have to worry about "coming home to (OP)" from now on, will he? :-(

Comments

jbuckets_404 38

Send a private message

Monday 15 May 2017 2:02

He won't have to worry about "coming home to (OP)" from now on, will he? :-(

almost_there44 26

Send a private message

Monday 15 May 2017 2:06

You already know what to do. Get yourself tested and get a lawyer as soon as possible. This behavior of his will always continue as long as you allow it. Get out immediately, take care of yourself and your kids if you have any.

Send a private message

Monday 15 May 2017 2:09

What a scumbag.

Send a private message

Monday 15 May 2017 2:51

If you're going to lie and cheat to your wife, why come home to her at all?

RinoaHeartilly 36

Send a private message

Monday 15 May 2017 3:35

Not anymore!

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Monday 15 May 2017 3:47

Someone has to do his laundry, right? You can't expect his mistress to do everything.

Hippo_Holiday 19

Send a private message

Monday 15 May 2017 11:26

I think people are misunderstanding this comment, it means that this women is more productive than the mistress the husband decided to cheat with.

Send a private message

Monday 15 May 2017 12:14

No, I think we understand the comment. It's DickPencil implying the man is still in his marriage only because he needs a maid.

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Monday 15 May 2017 12:28

Let's all CTFD. It's just a sarcastic remark.

seasonedtoast 19

Send a private message

Monday 15 May 2017 13:22

Pencil Dick.... hehe

RinoaHeartilly 36

Send a private message

Tuesday 16 May 2017 3:35

It's still gross and sexist.

Send a private message

Monday 15 May 2017 4:38

Or you could try it an open marriage. Check out this NYT article. https://mobile.nytimes.com/2017/05/11/magazine/is-an-open-marriage-a-happier-marriage.html

Send a private message

Monday 15 May 2017 5:55

That might work for a couple who talk about it BEFORE one part cheat and lie. Here the trust is broken, and suggesting to continue sleeping with other people probably won't help.

Send a private message

Monday 5 June 2017 12:53

Open relationships require not only trust, but also honesty, proper communication, ability to empathize with your partner, loyalty, and a willingness to put in effort to the relationship. Any relationship that involves cheating has none of those. And making an open relationship doesn't reduce the load; each person added to the relationship, even as a one timer increases the amount of those traits needed to keep things functioning in a safe, sane, consensual, and enjoyable way for everyone.

Send a private message

Monday 15 May 2017 4:55

This sounds like an opening line to Divorce Court. Great show but still sad for you.

Send a private message

Monday 15 May 2017 4:55

Tell him alimony won't be a big deal to him either.

GoddessMadoka 12

Send a private message

Monday 15 May 2017 5:18

"I always come home to you!" Yes, possibly with syphilis, chlamydia, or HIV, too. People like that should just fucking rot.

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 372

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 611

You deserved it 69