Love: Today, a grasshopper jumped into my car. As my boyfriend swiped...

By tickyette - 14/09/2010 07:27 - United States

Today, a grasshopper jumped into my car. As my boyfriend swiped at it, the grasshopper jumped onto my chest and into my shirt. Instead of helping me get it out, my boyfriend leaned back and said, "It got to second base faster than I did." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 231

You deserved it 10 345

May weddings: Love and blunders
Weddings are supposed to be perfect, but our stories show that perfection can sometimes be... surprising! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By TheMichaelNixon - 14/11/2009 21:37 - United States

Today, I saw a grasshopper in the urinal so I decided to pee on it. It jumped out, scared the hell out of me, and I peed all over myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 799

You deserved it 75 505

By Don’t Think About It. - 26/08/2019 16:00

Today, I smacked a big mosquito that had landed on my leg. My boyfriend then said to me, "I wonder if their mouth snaps off when you slap them, and now it’s stuck in your skin." Thanks. Thanks a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 407

You deserved it 220

By Anonymous - 19/03/2012 00:49 - United States - Dansville

Today, my boyfriend and I were having dinner with my family. He killed a bug and ate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 967

You deserved it 4 101

By BigBangrocksthenight - 03/04/2010 00:31 - United States

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. Things got kind of heated, so he decided to take off my bra. They cooled back down when a bug flew out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 584

You deserved it 10 456

By aurora320 - 19/07/2016 19:50 - United Kingdom - Bournemouth

Today, when confronting my boyfriend about slapping a girl's ass in the club, he claimed: "There was a mosquito on it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 831

You deserved it 1 386

Where d'you come from?

By Anonymous - 29/08/2021 23:01 - United States - Austin

Today, as someone with a large chest, I'm used to sometimes finding food in my clothes at the end of the day. However, when I took off my bra off, I found half of a dead grasshopper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 955

You deserved it 131

Panic on the streets of…

By Anstice - 05/10/2009 03:07 - United States

Today, I was at a stop light and a bee landed on my leg. I screamed and started swatting it. It flew into my jacket and I started to strip my jacket off, taking my foot off the brake. I hit the car in front of me and deployed the air bag, breaking my nose. Then the bee stung me in the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 647

You deserved it 15 544

By dating a big bag of dicks - 13/05/2014 21:02 - United States

Today, while driving out to the countryside with my new boyfriend, we came across a deer lying in the road. It seemed badly hurt, but instead of letting me get out and make sure, my boyfriend decided to just run over its head to finish it off, then continued driving with a smirk on his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 480

You deserved it 9 207

By kylie - 15/11/2010 21:17 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were in my backyard goofing around when he tried to pick me up. He couldn't. I jokingly tried to lift him. I did so without much effort. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 474

You deserved it 7 207

By foxbrat - 11/10/2009 06:18 - United States

Today, I woke up with a dead cockroach and its guts all over my forehead. My boyfriend responded by laughing and saying "Poor guy, never had a chance to see the world." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 226

You deserved it 3 295

UrNotFunny 0

Tuesday 14 September 2010 11:51

horny grasshoppers.

mshoes12346 3

Tuesday 14 September 2010 11:55

silly grasshopper, boobs are for dudes!

Comments

FrEsHpRiNcE916 0

Wednesday 15 September 2010 0:44

why is he complianing?? he coulda juss stole 2nd!!

byoung1977 0

Wednesday 15 September 2010 0:53

the bf should have thought about it more he could have been to second base just helping you out! haha

OmgO_o 0

Wednesday 15 September 2010 1:24

well atleast YOU didn't hurt his feelings(x

mooshibear140 4

Wednesday 15 September 2010 2:34

Lol is the FML supposed to be that the grasshopper got down your shirt, that your boyfriend didn't help get it out, or that he said what he did? Or all three? Haha f your life but I think he was joking. :P

12345goochgobble 0

Wednesday 15 September 2010 2:37

hahaha dats priceless

FML191919 3

Wednesday 15 September 2010 2:47

LOL how could you NOT laugh at that comment that's hilarious!!

glambert1998 0

Wednesday 15 September 2010 3:36

wow,just wow

LJack 2

Wednesday 15 September 2010 4:18

LOL no that's classic... very good come back... you have a fun guy

mR_StAtiiC 0

Wednesday 15 September 2010 6:08

this is plain retarded. this isn't even a FML can't people take jokes or is everyone going to state writing stories about a joke they didn't get on FML.