Today, I was home alone in the dark and I heard the doorbell... - FML

19/05/2019 04:07

Today, I was home alone in the dark and I heard the doorbell ring. I didn't know who it was so I didn't answer. They kept ringing, so I got a bit scared and called the police. When the police showed up, they told me it was a Chinese delivery guy with the wrong address. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 003

You deserved it 1 875

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Lonely

Come on man, make an effort

15/07/2013 16:47 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend and my best friend making out. She claimed he was just tasting her lipstick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 766

You deserved it 3 863

25/01/2012 12:33 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend told me he loves me. Instead of saying it back, I had a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 309

You deserved it 17 631

20/06/2019 12:41

Today, just a day prior to my vacation starting, I learned that my five-day "seasonal fever" is actually due to a blood infection from a bacteria. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 684

You deserved it 101

18/05/2013 19:27 - Mexico - Celaya

Today, I got my third promotion at work in as many years. My husband congratulated me very briefly, before asking if this meant he no longer had to look for a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 347

You deserved it 5 088

24/02/2011 08:56 - United States

Today, my boyfriend snuck into my house and hid in my closet. Knowing that I have a phobia of people jumping out of closets, he nonetheless thought it would be funny to see how I'd react. I had a panic attack and was taken to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 122

You deserved it 6 817

13/02/2011 21:14 - United States

Today, I got a text from a girl that I've had a crush on for a long time, asking me out to dinner. I agreed and went to the restaurant. Not long afterwards, I got text from her saying something had come up, so she couldn't make it. As I was walking back to my car, I saw her walk into the same restaurant with another guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 838

You deserved it 3 090

19/04/2009 05:03 - United States

Today, I ordered take out, and paid with a credit card. The cute cashier gave me the receipt to sign, and under 'tip' I gave a couple of dollars. I realized that I had given too much, crossed it out, and changed it. Unaware she was watching, She then responded, "Did you just lower the tip by $1?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 654

You deserved it 75 103

30/06/2013 18:09 - Netherlands - Helmond

Today, I bought some makeup supplies at the supermarket. The cashier snorted and muttered, "Not enough in the world for you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 368

You deserved it 3 974

05/01/2017 05:06

Today, after smoking, I sat down to watch Supernatural with my young cousin. I accidentally let out a burp during a demonic possession scene and, to our surprise, smoke came out of my mouth. Now there's a crying 11-year-old hiding somewhere in the house with salt. Mom will be home in 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 599

You deserved it 2 658

Anxious

By James - 16/04/2020 08:00

Today, I began worrying I have social anxiety, all because while getting dressed I convinced myself that everyone would talk about me behind my back if I wore a striped shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 264

You deserved it 315

It's the thought that counts

By come on man - 29/11/2014 17:03 - United States - Sunnyvale

Spicy

Today, I sent my boyfriend a dirty picture to turn him on. He texted back: "Jfc, why wud u tease me like that?? Srsly fuck off". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 300

You deserved it 7 388

08/05/2009 14:53 - Canada

Spicy

Today, while working as a makeup artist in the mall, I was approached by a man who wanted to try lipstick (not unusual we do a lot of drag). While I'm applying it he starts to make gross noises and after a quick glance I realize he has a massive erection. He then whispers mmmm don't stop now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82 464

You deserved it 4 491

Parents love

By Anonymous - 29/12/2019 18:00

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my dad masturbating to a nude photo of my mum on the computer. She passed away four years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 509

You deserved it 1 012

31/05/2011 02:58 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me while I was driving her to a surprise party where I was going to propose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 028

You deserved it 4 279

22/08/2012 15:13 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I reached that point in our relationship where just a simple phone conversation was too boring. His idea to spice things up? Playing Minecraft together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 065

You deserved it 6 714

12/12/2009 01:03 - United States

Today, while taking a shower, I saw shadows moving across the curtains. The shadow turned out to be a cricket that then fell into the tub. I ran out of the bathroom screaming and naked. My little sister came to my door and said, "If I hadn't just seen your balls, I would swear mom had TWO daughters." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 928

You deserved it 41 947

14/06/2013 04:06 - United States - Parker

Today, I was at a swim meet, swimming as hard as I'd ever swum before. During the last lap I saw no one in the lanes next to me. Thinking I was first, I became extremely excited. When I came to the wall, I realized the reason no one else was around: They already finished the race. I was last. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 246

You deserved it 7 686

08/01/2012 07:24 - Canada

Today, I received numerous text messages from my parents asking where I was and how worried they are. I was in my room, they didn't even notice me walk in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 988

You deserved it 3 079

17/07/2016 19:23 - United Kingdom - Egham

Today, it's so insanely hot that no matter how often I shower or use deodorant the smell of my armpits makes me feel physically sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 798

You deserved it 1 032

06/03/2016 15:31 - Germany - V?lklingen

Today, my dad posted on Facebook, apologizing to anyone he'd texted the night before. He said he'd gotten wasted and didn't mean anything he said. So much for that first ever "I'm proud of you" then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 756

You deserved it 1 809

18/05/2012 15:05 - United States - Billings

Today, I told my boyfriend I loved him. He responded by fist pumping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 946

You deserved it 5 323

26/06/2015 16:54 - United States - Washington

Today, I accidentally posted an extensive, negative review of the gynecologist I visited earlier this week. I messed up and posted it from my work's customer service email, so now it looks like the large, well-known company I work for had a poor gynecological experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 852

You deserved it 22 995

02/09/2011 07:48 - Romania

Today, at work, my boss stared at me from behind while I made hand gestures and noises at a toaster. I was pretending to be Magneto. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 806

You deserved it 33 112

14/08/2018 13:00

Today, the water company found that a water main has been leaking steadily possibly for decades and has turned the land my house is built on into an underground bog. Cracks have been appearing in my walls for a while, apparently because my house is slowly sinking into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 667

You deserved it 124

16/04/2009 06:47 - United States

Today, I was horsing around after my big test. Someone punched me softly on my back. Figuring it was my friend, I turned around and did a roundhouse kick. It was my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 769

You deserved it 81 273

11/03/2014 22:27 - United States - Remus

Today, my sister brought me coffee to my office. It was really nice so I made a status about it on Facebook. My boyfriend texted me soon after, freaking out because I never put anything on Facebook about him and how great he is. I'm basically dating a 14-year-old girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 443

You deserved it 7 175

22/10/2009 12:09 - United States

Today, I surprised my boyfriend at work, only to notice that his neck was covered in hickies. The night before, he texted me saying he needed alone time to get his mind together. Looks like he got together with another mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 640

You deserved it 3 320

19/07/2013 20:57 - Korea, Republic of - Seoul

Today, ten minutes into a blind date, my date said, "I don't mean to be rude, but... your face? It's the reason booze was invented." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 705

You deserved it 4 801

03/01/2015 00:11 - Australia

Today, my mum sat me down for a serious talk about not being home enough - not because she misses me, but because the family cat needs more stability in her life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 545

You deserved it 2 733

29/11/2009 02:14 - United States

Today, while at a hotel for vacation with my brother and his wife, I was watching their two-month old daughter in the waterpark when a woman came up to me and said, "Aww your kid is so adorable! Don't worry, you'll get your figure back in no time." I'm a fourteen year old girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 580

You deserved it 5 282

23/09/2012 00:37 - United States - San Angelo

Today, after months of believing my house is haunted, and years of being scared of the dark, I finally had to admit to myself that the only way I can go to the bathroom in the middle of the night is if my cat follows me and sits outside the door. I'm 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 490

You deserved it 7 778

24/11/2015 03:25 - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, my parents finally fulfilled my childhood dream and got a puppy, after years of me nagging at them. The only downside is that I no longer live at home and he's not mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 369

You deserved it 2 185

Whine whine whine

By Anonymous - 11/02/2021 15:30 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, it snowed. Rather than enjoy the view, my roommate had to complain every five minutes about the mentally challenged neighbor shovelling snow all day long. As long as he doesn't shovel it into my yard, I really don't care what he does to pass the time in lockdown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 754

You deserved it 63

Afterthought

By Anonymous - 31/03/2020 05:00

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he never thought we had a future together. He just wanted to move in together so he could get "cheaper rent for a while." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 863

You deserved it 184

25/10/2013 17:17 - United States - Durham

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I watched Star Trek Into Darkness together. He liked it so much that he's now chosen to yell "KHAAANNNNN!" as he cums. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 004

You deserved it 7 219

16/08/2011 10:17 - Australia

Today, I thought it'd be funny to knee my sister's ass as she was bending over. What I didn't realise was that she was trying to pick up a spider. In shock, she threw it in the air and it landed on my chest. I ran into a wall trying to get it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 869

You deserved it 73 309

08/07/2012 18:32 - Malaysia - Sibu

Today, my manager called me into his office and spent half an hour screaming at me for granting one of our workers so many religious off-days. Apparently, the name of these "religious observances" actually means something to the effect of "scoring some pussy" in Macedonian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 740

You deserved it 4 464

13/09/2010 23:19 - France

Today, I found out my grandmother doesn't wear underwear when she bent over in front of me in her inappropriately short nightgown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 540

You deserved it 2 813

25/09/2013 07:19 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I found out that the vacation my mom has been planning to "repair our relationship" was just an opportunity to change her Facebook profile picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 485

You deserved it 2 713

Classic

By notacreeper - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, I told my mother I have a girlfriend. Her first answer was, "Does she know?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 768

You deserved it 5 392

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Top comments

Rob Parkhouse 3

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Sunday 19 May 2019 4:18

How old are you that you were so scared by someone ringing the door bell that you called the police?!?!

Charlie Given 24

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Sunday 19 May 2019 4:11

Umm sounds like the delivery driver needs the FML , not you ya baby 🙄

Comments

Charlie Given 24

Send a private message

Sunday 19 May 2019 4:11

Umm sounds like the delivery driver needs the FML , not you ya baby 🙄

Rob Parkhouse 3

Send a private message

Sunday 19 May 2019 4:18

How old are you that you were so scared by someone ringing the door bell that you called the police?!?!

Send a private message

Sunday 19 May 2019 4:29

How old are you, do you live alone? You can peek out and see who it is...

Send a private message

Sunday 19 May 2019 7:10

if you are grown up dude with that kind of fear you will become a regular FML poster

Send a private message

Sunday 19 May 2019 8:20

I disagree with the other commenters. You did nothing wrong by calling the police. I'd rather be called a "baby" than take chances when someone is aggressively harassing my doorbell, stubbornly won't leave, and I'm not expecting anyone. Hell I've advised my husband to do the same thing, given how many news stories there are about people getting shot through windows and doors if someone with ill intent sees them peeking outside. If you have a solid door, invest the 10 or 20 bucks to get a peephole. It's somewhat safer than looking out a window.

RichardPencil 30

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Sunday 19 May 2019 8:46

Were you so scared you made a pupu platter?

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Sunday 19 May 2019 16:36

You were well within your rights not to answer when you're not expecting anyone, and in calling the cops when they won't leave. It was his mistake, not yours.

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Sunday 19 May 2019 19:48

you called the cops? that really is pathetic. ydi

BurnInDemonFire 32

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Monday 20 May 2019 3:50

I sort of get being apprehensive of opening the door when you're not expecting anyone, but I'm wondering why you didn't just ask who it was, and then tell them they were at the wrong address, before calling the cops.

RichardPencil 30

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Monday 20 May 2019 6:52

Sorry, Wong number.

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 20

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 135

You deserved it 442