Today, it seems that despite being twins, my brother and I are very different people. Last week I got written up at work for taking too long a lunch break. This afternoon he got written up for having sex at work, again. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got fired from my job. My boss is my brother. His reason being that, "it would create awkward tension between us." I've been working for him for 5 years, and it's like he's only just realised that I was there. FML
Today, my brother and I work for the same company, I’ve been here longer, but he got promoted first and has a higher salary. At first I was afraid he was just better than me, so imagine my relief to discover he’s still an idiot, but he’s just been dicking our manager on the regular. FML
Today, I was called in to work on my day off to cover for a co-worker because she was busy getting it on with my brother. FML
Today, I caught my wife with my brother. I demanded a divorce and, out of desperation, she claimed she thought it was me because we’re twins. We might be twins, but we’re dissimilar enough it’s obvious which is fucking which, plus he has both hands, whereas I left one of mine behind in fucking Iraq. FML
Today, at the office, my boss lectured me for being two minutes late for work, even though yesterday I worked on my lunch break because she needed my help. important to mention: my boss is my sister. FML
Today, I found out that the reason I'm working as a kitchen staff instead of out on the floor of the café is because the boss does not think I'm attractive enough. My boss is my brother. FML
Today, I got written up for “making a big show” of being exhausted at work. I was trying to hide it. FML
Today, I got written up at work over false accusations that I didn't do some safety tasks. The same tasks that were done before I had even arrived. FML
Today, I walked in on my brother having sex. With my boyfriend. FML
Today, I got written up because I took a dump at work that lasted longer than 5 minutes, and I didn't punch out for it as a "paid break." FML
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Top comments
poopface82 25
If you’re going to get in trouble, go big.
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Comments (2)
Battousai124 9
You both sound insufferable, and he sounds disgusting. FBYL
poopface82 25
If you’re going to get in trouble, go big.