Superanty Man

By Anonymous - 02/03/2020 03:30

Today, I met my father-in-law for the first time. He went on a big rant how men are superior intellects and women contribute nothing to society. Ironic, as it took me, a woman, 30 seconds to notice it's biologically impossible for him to be my husband's father. After 33 years, both he and my husband haven't figured it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 632

You deserved it 197

Sorry…

Compromises

Family issues

By John Brown - 24/07/2018 15:00

Today, my roommate told me that I have to find a new place to live because I make his new girlfriend uncomfortable. I just had surgery and am bedridden. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 639

You deserved it 163

By MakesMeLol - 18/01/2012 22:30 - Ireland

Today, I turned on the news to see a live report about an increase in crime in my town. One minute in, my drunk daughter appears behind the news reporter, butt naked, dancing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 197

You deserved it 6 758

By Blonde - 11/03/2015 03:03 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I googled for an hour how to open my CD player on my laptop. Turns out, there is none. They just put a space there to make it look like a CD player. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 047

You deserved it 6 396

Don't wanna know

By Anonymous - 27/01/2011 17:02 - United States

Today, my mother dragged me into Victoria's Secret to get my opinion on some lingerie. Lingerie she'll be using to get into my dad's pants this evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 732

You deserved it 3 714

By nothisfault - 05/12/2008 04:40 - France

Today, and as for the rest of my life, I will always have a husband whose breath stinks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 863

You deserved it 29 303

By Anonymous - 18/08/2011 13:38 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my parents discussing how to kill our cat, and how to make it look like an accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 677

You deserved it 3 437

By IDIOT - 28/03/2014 20:11 - United States

Today, a would-be customer practically kicked my store door in, then got pissed and started throwing around insults after I told him that we were still closed, hence the closed sign. He claimed the sign was "confusing". FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 576

You deserved it 3 259

Give it your best shot

By Staywidowed - 08/04/2021 23:00

Today, marks almost two years of being sexually inactive after being widowed. It also happened to be the day I made an uncharacteristic decision. I hooked up with a male friend. I'm so out of practice, I honestly believe round-two the next morning was out of pity more than actual interest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 983

You deserved it 179

By LuxTheSarcastic - 06/11/2015 23:05 - United States - Apex

Today, my mother dragged me to the mall to get me out of the house and to get me to stop using my phone. She then spent the whole trip talking on her phone instead of actually interacting with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 861

You deserved it 2 338

Breeders

By Anonymous - 12/07/2015 19:39 - United Kingdom

Today, a customer at the restaurant where I work reduced me to tears by screaming at me, as I nearly knocked out his 2-year-old with the kitchen door, after he let the little boy play on the floor behind it. Apparently, it's my fault I can't see through solid wood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 500

You deserved it 1 928

By Anonymous - 05/03/2013 05:25

Today, I found out that my wife makes mashed potatoes by using her dirty feet to crush the potatoes because apparently this is a "healthy, natural" way to make them, and it also cleans her feet. I've been eating her mashed potatoes at least once every week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 720

You deserved it 4 731

Which is worse

By Anonymous - 27/07/2021 19:01 - United States - Hot Springs National Park

Today, I found out that my best friend of 25 years, who doesn't believe that her boyfriend raped me, unfriended me on Nintendo Switch online. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 097

You deserved it 114

By Jugan - 19/10/2012 21:44 - France - Vaulx-milieu

Today, I discovered a way to send a massive number of text messages to someone simultaneously, so I decided to do it to my friend as a prank. I quickly noticed that I forgot to disable the delivery notification feature. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 427

You deserved it 39 227

By mapollis - 20/01/2010 07:33 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me for the fifth time, and all I could say was: "Can I have my parking permit back?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 354

You deserved it 31 776

By EunJung - 04/11/2011 00:16 - United States

Today, at the nail salon, a Korean woman was making fun of me. I kindly told her, in Korean, that I understood. She kindly told me, in English, that she didn't care. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 685

You deserved it 4 235

By Snowzies - 06/01/2010 13:42 - United Kingdom

Today, it was snowing really badly, so my boss said that everyone who drove to work could leave. But because I got the bus in, she said that I should stay and do a full day. By the time she eventually decided it was bad enough for me to leave, the buses were cancelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 921

You deserved it 2 292

By Vlen - 24/05/2015 02:38 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I sleep during the day because I work nights. My neighbors have a very loud wedding and reception in their backyard including a live mariachi band. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 837

You deserved it 3 412

By Oh Cock - 10/10/2015 15:15 - United Kingdom - Watford

Today, I realised just how much my favourite pornstar looks like my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 059

You deserved it 7 898

By guest - 18/11/2011 05:54 - Canada

Today, I moved into a lovely basement suite. Unfortunately, the 12 year old upstairs plays violin. She also plays baritone. She said she alternates each day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 918

You deserved it 3 064

By Buzz - 29/11/2008 16:11 - France

Today, my husband invited his boss and his wife to dinner. During the meal, I tasted the wine and apologised for its bad quality, somewhat annoyed: "Dont drink that, I'll go and look for another bottle." Unfortunately, it was our guests who had brought the wine in question. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 976

You deserved it 10 905

By Caroline - 24/02/2013 09:34 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, I went to the doctor to get a blood test and I started crying when I saw the needle. I planned on becoming a doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 077

You deserved it 13 495

Corkscrew

By Anonymous - 05/05/2021 15:01 - United States - Carson City

Today, I used a menstrual cup for the first time. I couldn't get it out, after what seemed like ages of trying. I had to ask my boyfriend to help me. He'll never look at me the same way again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 166

By Anonymous - 07/02/2014 18:51 - Mayotte - Mamoudzou

Today, I found a roach in my takeaway. I found it after I felt something hard in my mouth and spat pieces of it back out onto my plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 216

You deserved it 3 651

By Sola - 11/05/2011 04:10

Today, I wore a Super Mario Brothers T-shirt to school that showed a picture of Mario with a mushroom above his head. I got suspended for "referencing illegal drugs". FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 082

You deserved it 5 039

By -___- - 29/09/2013 19:46 - United States - Winfield

Today, I sent my boyfriend a text asking him to come over a little later and have some "fun" with me. He texted back, "WTF babe? Breaking Bad's on tonight. You got a dildo, fucking use it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 620

You deserved it 27 638

By tannerpaul - 25/03/2011 01:30

Today, I went to the hospital as my girlfriend's emergency contact. When I saw her, she was under a blanket because she had no pants. She had a seizure in a guy's bed and he brought her here. He's here and she wants us both to stay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 267

You deserved it 4 517

Always carry around a pencil with you

By Anonymous - 22/03/2021 21:30 - United States

Today, while at work, I took one of the biggest dumps I've taken in my life. The turd was so big, I took a pencil and chopped it into small pieces because I was afraid it would clog up the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 697

You deserved it 196

By Anonymous - 31/01/2013 05:40 - United States - Fairfield

Today, I was driving around with a few friends when one of them suggested we go in to an insurance company's office and sing their jingle. I'm an awful singer, so I was planning on lip syncing. Everyone else had the same idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 086

You deserved it 38 128

By Anonymous - 28/10/2010 03:27 - United States

Today, I woke up cold. The guy I had sex with last night stole my blanket. He also took everything out of my freezer, and all of my soap, shampoo, and conditioner. The number he left me was for a pizza place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 278

You deserved it 34 933

By AuraOfJustice - 12/03/2011 14:43 - United States

Today, I was texting a girl I like. Every message she sent came ten minutes after I sent her a message. When I told her "I've to go", she responded almost instantly with an "Ok, bye". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 189

You deserved it 9 824

By :( - 06/06/2013 23:37 - United States

Today, at my new job at a funeral home, my boss threatened to fire me if I didn't "lighten the hell up" while dealing with our grieving clients. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 822

You deserved it 4 732

By me - 20/12/2010 02:26 - Bulgaria

Today, my roommate asked me to lock the door as we left our place. I told her to use my keys, because my hands were full. Afterwards, she and her boyfriend set off out of town for the next couple of days. She forgot to give me back my keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 005

You deserved it 5 607

By Sam - 20/08/2010 05:34 - United States

Today, after twisting my knee playing soccer with my friends, I had to take myself to the hospital. Apparently finishing the game was more important to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 945

You deserved it 4 636

By chubbyreddevil - 31/01/2012 06:12 - United States

Today, at work, a customer threatened to punch me in the face because the store I work at doesn't have shopping baskets, only carts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 687

You deserved it 2 380

Weird and scary

By kira - 09/03/2021 08:01

Today, the guy who has harassed me every day for a month straight proposed, with an actual diamond ring which he’d burned the receipt for. I said no, of course. Later, I found out that he’d attempted suicide. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 460

You deserved it 79

By anonymous - 30/06/2016 05:27 - United States - Forney

Today, I was started my week of camping alone in the woods. I took my shoes off to go to sleep, but I had to come out to get water. I stepped on a wasp, and while I was standing on one foot looking at the sting, I realized I was in an ant pile. I'm allergic to both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 159

You deserved it 2 415

By latenightbite - 16/03/2010 23:17 - United States

Today, I found out why my roommate and best friend comes home late three nights a week. She goes to get drunk with some guy, then goes back to his house to hook up. Who is this guy? The guy I've been dating for three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 084

You deserved it 3 078

By Brook - 26/02/2013 08:21 - Australia - Sydney

Today, when my doctor told me I had symptoms of an STD, I had to repeatedly try to convince her I'm a 28-year-old virgin. Even as I left she still didn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 379

You deserved it 3 805

By Foreveralone - 22/07/2016 08:54 - United States - Hartford

Today, I was told I'm not invited to my best friend's birthday party. Apparently, being divorced and childless doesn't "mesh" well with the rest of the group. My parents are still watching her kids so she can go away for the weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 008

You deserved it 876

By Chat - 04/03/2018 19:00

Today, my only day off this week, my cat decided that she wanted feeding at 5am and wouldn’t stop meowing till I filled up her bowl. She then refused to eat it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 871

You deserved it 711

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Top comments

juggalo2 17

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Monday 2 March 2020 4:07

Genetics can be very complicated. "Although it is uncommon, parents with blue eyes can have children with brown eyes. The inheritance of eye color is more complex than originally suspected because multiple genes are involved." Still it's worth wondering.

Kurliez408 32

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Monday 2 March 2020 5:52

how did you not meet your father in law before? not even at your wedding? weird.

my_way_1213 12

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Monday 2 March 2020 3:51

going to guess eye color?

juggalo2 17

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Monday 2 March 2020 4:07

Diawar 2

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Monday 2 March 2020 19:20

it is nearly impossible for blue eyed people to create a brown eyed child there has to be a break in the gene of each parent it’s a one in a million. unless one parent has brown eyes with a blue hue. in which case they have can have a brown eyed child.

AmbrosiaFan 18

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Monday 2 March 2020 23:08

In other words it IS possible to happen.

Redgy22 26

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Tuesday 3 March 2020 1:17

Did I miss the part about eye color? Where did it say HOW she figured it out? Just curious...

core01 30

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Tuesday 3 March 2020 3:37

Could have been cleft chin. Rare to have both parents not have it with child having it (since it's a dominant trait).

litttle_miss101 11

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Saturday 21 March 2020 6:23

Trying to figure that out too

Sarah Marie_1406339655 3

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Monday 2 March 2020 4:45

Divorce is not a dirty word, just saying.

RichardPencil 30

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Monday 2 March 2020 5:25

Don't reproduce with that one. He's a moron and his step dad is one. You don't want your kid to be genetically handicapped and have an idiot grandpa.

Kurliez408 32

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Monday 2 March 2020 5:52

how did you not meet your father in law before? not even at your wedding? weird.

ojoRojo 27

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Monday 2 March 2020 16:09

It’s possible, if they’re not close. I’ve never met my husband’s biological father, and we’ve been together for 12.5 years. (Though I don’t think I ever will, and I’m glad about that.)

spinspinsugar 12

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Monday 2 March 2020 20:23

I was wondering the same thing

Retsilla 5

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Monday 2 March 2020 21:18

It's possible they aren't married yet, I called my wife's parents my in-laws even before we were married

AmbrosiaFan 18

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Monday 2 March 2020 23:11

Never met my father in law and my husband and I have known each other since 2003. He's out of state and not on good terms with my husband. Who knows why they didn't meet before they got married or at the wedding.

jbuckets_404 38

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Monday 2 March 2020 13:42

Yeah, women contribute nothing to society except to society itself via the contribution of offspring from which your FIL would otherwise not exist....

AmbrosiaFan 18

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Monday 2 March 2020 14:42

I'm curious as to how you came to that conclusion.

Paul Singh 2

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Monday 2 March 2020 20:03

hahaha good one

fjvitt 14

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Monday 2 March 2020 23:15

Ok—so maybe some info is missing. Like about his mother. If you know the appearance of your husband’s mother, then you could make assumptions. For example if both were blond and your husband has brown hair—that would be a problem.