Today, while I was fitting a new fuse box, a giant spider tried to eat my fingers. As I pulled away, I touched the exposed wires. I woke up flat on my back to the customer slapping my face, burnt fingers, and bruises everywhere. I had also peed and shit myself. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up to a spider crawling across my face. I was so shocked that my new house had spiders, I jumped up out of bed, only to slip on the floor and land face down onto the bed. Wouldn't you know it, right where the spider was at that point. I can still taste the juice I squished out of it. FML
Today, while taking a shower, a spider fell from the ceiling onto my foot. I took down my shower head to wash it down the drain, and in the process, got soap in my eye and rammed my head into the wall. FML
Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML
Today, my fire alarm startled me so badly that I shat myself. FML
Today, while showering at my boyfriend's house early this morning, I saw a huge black spider on the wall. I'm allergic to spiders, so in my disorientation I ran out of the shower screaming, slipped, sprained my wrist, and bruised my tailbone. Turns out the spider was a clump of hair. My hair. FML
Today, at work, I thought I had to fart, but didn’t trust it. I squeezed cheek and hurried to the bathroom. As I was sitting down, liquid shot out of my butthole and got on the seat. I then sat in it. On top of, that I saw a spider crawl out of my underwear. The spider bothers me more. FML
Today, a spider crawled across my arm. After a quick dance in a fit of panic, I managed to scramble onto my bed. I thought I would stand up to see if I could spot the spider and maybe kill it. I was then promptly knocked unconscious by my ceiling fan. FML
Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML
Today, I saw a big, black spider on the floor of my bathroom. I promptly jumped up on the toilet seat, slipped off, and slammed my head against the wall. The best part? It was a tuft of my hair. FML
Today, while hiking, I walked face first into a spider web. Freaking out, I shook my hair out in case there was a spider. Later on in the day the spider fell from my hair into my food. FML
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Top comments
Nico Noppe 10
First rule of working with electricity: TURN IT OFF! Congratulations on being the textbook case of why this is the first rule.
Sertorius 10
Still alive though, so I'm calling that a win.
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Comments (18)
Emma Marshall 19
So it was a good day then
tounces7 28
I understand you can't easily kill the current coming into the house and thus the wires may have to be live, but have you ever considered rubber gloves?
Charlie Given 28
Ok for 1# ya can't turn off electricity coming into the house unless you disconnect wires from the pole which is more dangerous or shut off the power for that section of the city 2# it doesn't say where he is so he could be dealing with a very large tarantula or a very dangerous funnel-web and 3# certain species of spiders will attack when threatened as being someone who has owned spiders as pets and #4 he could be dealing with anywhere from 240 up to 440 volts he's lucky to be alive. sorry for ya OP I've been zapped before too ******* hurts worse than anything you can think of
oped01 8
Never work on electric when you have to take a shit.. lesson learned
Kaneki Chiaki 15
Where did the spider go?
S1k 20
But the spider is OK, right?