Today, I started work as the head engineer for a big civil engineering project. I met the rest of my team, in particular the environmental engineer who I'll need to get along with the most. As it turns out, I took her virginity when we were freshmen in college. She still thinks I'm an asshole. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, wanting to impress my date, I bullshitted her about how I was an environmental scientist. She got so impressed that she invited me over to her place. Not her home, her office. So that I could give her pointers on her current project. She's a real environmental scientist. FML
Today, I was paired up with my long-term crush for a project. She introduced herself to me and asked if I was new this year. We've gone to the same school since kindergarten. FML
Today, I finally started my dream job. I turned up for work with a huge smile on my face. Imagine how much my face dropped when I saw that I had to share an office with the girl I stood up last weekend. FML
Today, I found out that the engineers I work with believe that a woman with an engineering degree working in an engineering company is apparently equivalent to a "secretary for engineers." I am that woman. FML
Today, the girl who tormented my life for nine years was hired at my part-time job. We're assigned to work together on a three-month-long project which will involve tons of communication. FML
Today, I had an epic, two-hour conversation with a brilliant, beautiful future leader of our industry. She's an intern. I'm just some loser horndog of a senior manager in another department. FML
Today, I was paired up with a girl in my class for a project. She started crying. FML
Today, I found out that my ex-girlfriend got engaged to a coworker. I got her the job. FML
Today, I had a conversation with the cute girl I like at work for the first time. I told her I worked in the camping department of the store, and we had a long chat about how she heard that the guy who runs that department is a complete dick head. I am the guy who runs that department. FML
Today, I started my new job, and was introduced to my colleague. She seemed old and quite experienced, so I thought she was going to teach me. I was wrong. It turns out I'm a replacement for her daughter, who used to secretly do all of her work for her because she has no idea how to do it herself. FML
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Top comments
darienlake 0
hahah i also like how you TOOK her virginity. kinda funny that it sounds like she just had it sitting right next to her and you just took it and never gave it back...
perdix 31
I'm hoping this project is NOT excavating a giant, gaping tunnel. Planning meetings are going to be awkward when you ask her how Mother Earth is going to feel when you start pounding a big ol' hole into her.
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Comments (128)
DJ_Applebeef 0
Well now Mr. Buzz killington esquire is on your team, ah-lawl that sux brah this calls for a sexy party.
Cjuanita 0
Karma? Really? No...There's no excuse for her to be unprofessional towards him, if that's what's going on. If she wants to be angry and bitchy about what happened in the past, she can do that on her own time, outside of the workplace.
GenevieveL 0
I just wanna say GO ENVEs!
scrodum 0
I'm going to assume your a typical guy. you brought it on yourself if you didnt give her anything after sex. I dont feel sympathy for you, I know what it's like.
wow18 3
"Didn't give her anything after sex" What are you, a prostitute?
Chopperman_fml 0
Romantic comedy in the making, guyz.
WTFWASTHATSHIT 0
If you wana make her feel better you should tell her that her gift was that she didint have to pay to get the blood drycleaned off of your bed sheets.
tamanosou 0
YDI. You'll probably get fired over it too. And you'll deserve that as well. Too bad you thought with the wrong head.
girlzrule94587 0
funny. but i'd think ur an asshole if u did that to me
hawtsawze 0
It must have been worse for her and all you can think about is how bad it was for you. Congrats on the new job, but she probably thinks you're an asshole because you complain how your life sucks when she is the one who should really share the FML story.
SHINeeAes 0
I agree with you on that. :L She was the one that um did it with you so yeah ...
Skimbap 0
110, idk she is a woman, and there fore is already automatically born with out rights and shouldn't be treated as a normal human being, or even as a mexican...
ceelaudia 0
but she cooda sed noooo