Today, my wife made me a Sex Rewards Chart, where I get points by doing chores and such, and 50 points gets me some action. She refuses to even look at me if I haven't earned the points, and is contemplating sleeping alone in the guest room until I earn more points. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
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Today, my wife has implemented a point-based system for sex. The list she sent shows I can I earn, for example, 20 points for washing the dishes, 50 for vacuuming the house, but only 5 for walking the dog. I get some action for every 5,000 points I earn, which should take about 4 months if I really work at it. FML
Today, I told my husband I was making a points system for him to earn sex by doing chores and favors. He said, "Okay, I'll make one for dates. Every time you go five days without whining or nagging me, you get a date." I give up. FML
Today, my wife flat out refuses to have sex with me, ever. Most days it's "What have you done to earn sex?" then when I point out all I do (pay bills, work hard, take care of her, the kids and the house) it's, "Oh, so that means I owe you sex?" I even got that excuse on my birthday. FML
Today, my wife made a system where I earn gaming time by either giving her money or doing her favors. Now whenever I use my phone, she accuses me of "secretly playing Xbox games" and gets pissed at me. I'm 28 years-old. FML
Today, my wife decided she didn't want to lose weight with me. We were trying to decide on a reward for each pound lost. I suggested sex as the reward. She felt it wasn't fair to punish her just because I lost weight. FML
Today, I got off early from work to catch my wife screwing her co-worker in our bed. I ask her what I did to deserve this. She told me she was “lonely” and that he “always makes her feel like a woman,” unlike me. She would come home from work and I would initiate intimacy, but she would decline every time. FML
Today, my wife told me she was very horny as we have not had sex in about two weeks, so I told her to do something for me to get me in the mood. She sighed and then went upstairs to get ready for work. FML
Today, my wife is treating me like I'm the devil, all because I refused to go on medication that would kill my sex drive, just so she wouldn't have to deal with me actually wanting to make love more than once a year. FML
Today, after my wife set a new rule to improve my health, one sex session for every three visits to the gym, which has greatly improved our sex life for two months, and I've never been fitter, but now she complains I'm not keeping her company on the couch anymore. FML
Today, my wife can't be bothered to do anything that isn't work, talk about her work, and sit on the sofa. Then she complains that I don't show any affection, when she can be bothered to even talk to me. FML
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Top comments
tanekdrachonae 19
Guess you should get to work then.
MelTheGreat 23
Sweep or weep.
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Comments (280)
NoFightinDestiny 9
My fears of a long-term relationship are coming true.
zandalee 19
I really don't think this is typical of a long time relationship. If it was, the worlds population would be have been falling drastically for decades. Shit, mankind would be nearly extinct... ;-$
hayjay2000 8
Oh because god forbid you have to clean up your shit.
LifeStinks227 10
there's nothing sexier than a man doing chores. get on it!
barleyguy 17
Haha is that right? We'll better get started
IGaveRickUp 15
Whaaat?? Your wife isn't an automatic sandwich maker who crave no effort from you? That's tough.
Welshite 39
C'mon. There's no need to go there. She probably just wants a little help around the house. There is absolutely no indication that OP takes her for granted.
dreamweeper370 10
The fact that that's it's gotten to this point is a fairly decent indicator though.
geko911 22
Well it might be a fairly good indicator that she's bat crazy too you know.. She might just be one of those "feminists" who think man need to stand under them...
BrotherPhil 35
As opposed to real feminists who want equality, rather than using "equality" as a stick to beat men (or one particular man) with.
masterof1 7
Its fapping time!
Rainhawk94 27
I read that in a power rangers voice
masterof1 7
YES
JustKittyKat 24
I feel like you need to be helping out more. Obviously she feels like she does all the chores. You can even work together sometimes! (: Give her an unexpected appreciation day. Don't let her out of bed. And when you're all done working on the house...show her a good time. ;) Good luck OP! You poor man.
littlekellilee 45
Though I understand what you're saying, I feel like this is rewarding OP's wife for treating him like a child. If he does that every time she with holds sex, she'll just do it more.
JustKittyKat 24
You make a very good point! I didn't even think that part over. OP, talk to your wife. Agree to help, but let her know she needs to communicate.
vewwe 20
But using a vacuum cleaner shouldn't be that bad, or is it? If you know what I mean
Acik91 26
I don't know about OP, but I haven't got the slightest idea what you mean.
vewwe 20
Me neither, until my male french teacher corrected a sentence one student had written saying "he uses a vacuum cleaner". Appareantly it had to be "he is vacuum cleaning" otherwise it could be interpreted as if he was using it for other purposes.
outoftown 26
If he's hoovering the carpets, fine. If he's hoovering himself, he'll get a trip to the emergency room.
Caitie_kid 8
"I told you not to bother me while in cleaning my room!" -Doofy, Scary Movie.
Juggalette_623 9
@131 And mom told you to keep your dick out of the vacuum cleaner!
gracehi 31
Make a chart where she must rack up Chore Points in order for you to do chores, and she acquires those points with sexual favors. Two can play at this game.
FelixJC 14
Most amazing idea ever.
sempiternal80816 9
That is a pretty damn good idea!
showmeyourears 19
I actually think that's really stupid and not at all the same as what the wife did, and here's why. No one is obligated to have sex with anyone, not even people who are married to each other. If one person in a couple doesn't ever seem to want to have sex, while it can be pretty detrimental to the relationship, it needs to be respected. However, OP should feel obligated to clean up after himself and contribute to keeping his home clean and organized, especially since I really doubt his wife stays at home and doesn't work. Not in this economy. What the wife did was also really dumb because offering a reward for doing household chores is something you do for a child who is just learning to do them and is just starting to get into the habit of doing them. OP is a grown man who shouldn't have to be rewarded for doing chores. He should just do his share of them and not expect anything for it except a tidy house and a less stressed out wife.
gracehi 31
324, First of all, I wasn't entirely serious. There are probably better and more mature ways to handle this however...it wouldn't be totally unreasonable, and perhaps would be very satisfying, for OP to give his wife a taste of her own medicine. Sure, no one is entitled to sex, not even from his own wife, but it would be different if his wife refused to have sex with him simply because she didn't want to. Instead, she's withholding sex as a punishment and is using sex to manipulate him. That's not okay.
uarudeassbitchyo 17
Laughing. Looks like someone is someone's bitch.
Golden_Rydes 3
A bitch's bitch?
xnyletak 17
so you'll laugh at anything from run over dogs to wives withholding sex, huh?
uarudeassbitchyo 17
That has no relevancy to this. Did I ******* say I would laugh at animal cruelty? No I didn't. So why don't you stop being a little shit and take a joke for once. JFC
nichollelovins 18
better get to work buddy!
xnyletak 17
What a bitch.