Intimacy: Read the room

Read the room

By IsThisRealLife - 01/02/2016 17:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up with an extremely irritable rash around my crotch. I didn't want to full out itch it by putting my hands down my pants, so I itched it by putting my hand in my pockets. I got kicked off the train for "pleasuring myself in public." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 924

You deserved it 5 823

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Same thing different taste

Stained

By maddie94 - 27/04/2009 09:14 - Australia

Today, I was in a shopping center when I went to the toilet. I came out, washed my hands and suddenly got a massive itch in my crotch. Without thinking I itched it. I then had to walk around the center with a wet hand print on my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 412

You deserved it 54 578

Pissed

By Matt - 13/04/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, at work, I wet my pants. I had to throw my tighty-whities away. Since I didn't have underwear on, I chafed real bad and got a rash on my butthole and near my balls. I had to push my boyfriend off of me, all because it hurt too much to touch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 199

You deserved it 549

By needanewride - 16/11/2012 02:40 - United States - Newton Center

Today, I took a crowded train home. I was holding on to the rail when an old man started rubbing his crotch across my hand. I moved my hand but he moved too and kept doing it. When I moved my hand higher, he started licking it. I had to wait ten minutes for the next stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 316

You deserved it 3 326

By XavierLing - 23/07/2019 06:00

Today, my thigh was itchy, so I went into a bathroom stall to scratch it. I, for some reason, moaned out loud while doing it. After that, the men's bathroom went completely silent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 099

You deserved it 793

Perv!

By Thithien1 - 01/04/2009 06:07 - Korea Republic of

Today, I was on a crowded subway going home. My trousers were a bit dusty so I tried to dust myself off. As I was slapping the side of my leg I missed and hit a woman behind me in the ass. She called me a pervert and walked off. Everyone stared at me. It takes 40 minutes to get home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 930

You deserved it 12 680

By pantyripper - 24/03/2014 12:39 - Australia - Essendon

Today, I ripped my old, worn underwear while trying to pick a wedgie in public. Half ended up in my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 323

You deserved it 21 694

What even is that?

By git recked lul - 01/12/2023 06:00 - United States - Allen Park

Today, I felt an itch on my butt so I went to the bathroom to scratch it. It was actually a dried layer of skin that broke from years of wear and tear, and now every time I shit I feel immense pain for the next hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 392

You deserved it 168

WTF?

By Shane - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, I was dry-walling a house when my butt started to itch. I bent over to scratch it on a piece of plywood, at which point the client's wife walked in and asked what the fuck I was doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 242

You deserved it 32 650

Freeze!

By Anonymous - 20/06/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I ran to catch the subway, slipped, and my pants ripped across the back. I got on the train trying to cover the hole, only to realize the train was packed with people staring straight at my underwear though my fingers. To make it worse, my phone started playing loud music and I froze as I considered which situation to fix first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 389

You deserved it 87

By Anonymous - 04/09/2010 19:16 - United States

Today, I was on a plane when I suddenly felt the need to use the toilet. I didn't make it in time and I had to spend the remainder of my trip in soiled clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 866

You deserved it 16 277

JusstJef 16

Monday 1 February 2016 23:13

Please don't elaborate on the rash. We don't need to know.

Coffee5555 14

Monday 1 February 2016 23:16

says the one with a pic like that....

Comments

aeryn97 17

Tuesday 2 February 2016 1:12

might be yeast infection. I recommend getting some cream since scratching it is probably not a good idea even in private as it will become irritated

zacharyhannan 12

Tuesday 2 February 2016 2:11

I was going to applaud this, OP, but I didn't think you'd want to hear 'the clap'..

ham_spam 17

Tuesday 2 February 2016 6:33

Nice and subtle nice approach

steve02134 7

Tuesday 2 February 2016 2:13

You don't ITCH something, you SCRATCH. You SCRATCH an ITCH. If it's ITCHY, you SCRATCH. Didn't you ever watch Sesame Street?

TomeDr 24

Tuesday 2 February 2016 4:41

I'm glad I'm not the only one bothered by this!

Isa_fml 20

Tuesday 2 February 2016 6:06

THANK YOU.

GoogieWithers 23

Tuesday 2 February 2016 3:05

Is it a case of Dickin-pox?

yayhoo16 12

Tuesday 2 February 2016 3:18

Not funny, but still hilarious

thatsme293 28

Tuesday 2 February 2016 3:47

Time to get out the lotramin!

kyletg09 19

Tuesday 2 February 2016 4:26

do you think it would be different if a women did that then a man

_M3talH3ad 8

Tuesday 2 February 2016 6:08

But guys get away with masturbating on the trains and busses?

Kidd_Ant 18

Tuesday 2 February 2016 7:12

Welp..

jsnoops71 9

Tuesday 2 February 2016 7:35

You scratch an itch, not "itch" an itch

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, during sex, my (now ex) boyfriend called out the name of the new female coworker that he told me just last night "not to worry about." He's known her for a week. We were together for 8 and a half years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 553

You deserved it 152

Today, a friend informed me that my dog's name means "penis" in Greek. I live in a predominantly Greek neighbourhood, and apparently I've been screaming for "dong" every evening for the past 3 years. No wonder they don't talk to me much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 755

You deserved it 9 715

Today, my son's head teacher yelled down the phone at me, “I’m sorry but this is the last straw, Take him home now or I’m calling the police to remove him.” He’s 9 and this will be his sixth expulsion in 4 years, and we have no idea what caused this behaviour. He behaved just fine up to 4 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 838

You deserved it 436

Today, I had sex with a guy on the first date. I couldn’t wait, he was too gorgeous. The only problem was that when we finished, he announced that he had to fart and did so twice. Now I’m not so sure if I’ll see him again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 235

You deserved it 7 118

Today, my boss told me when I transfer to a Target in Orlando I should work in the clothing department. He said it would be a good way for me to meet chicks. I told him all the girls who work in clothing in that store are ugly as hell. Apparently his daughters work there. I never knew that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 379

You deserved it 31 488

Today, I went to the Asian Grocery. I politely smiled, bellowed, “Hello!” and kind of waved to the cashier as I walked in, to which he gave me a blank, scared-for-his-life kinda look. Turns out he was actually just another customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 655

You deserved it 439