Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, my two year old daughter decided to crawl on top of the covers on my bed because she was scared since there was a thunderstorm. I thought she was one of our cats so I kicked her off. She hit the wall. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my 5 year old daughter thought it would be funny to wake me up by tickling my toes. I guess one of my reflexes acted out because I kicked her right in the face. FML
Today, I was trying to sleep when I saw a head looming from the darkness with no eyes and a mouth open like a silent scream. I just froze and pissed myself. It was my daughter wanting to cuddle with us. Alas, the bed was wet, so she got put back in her bed, while we had to share the sofa downstairs. FML
Today, I was taking a nap on the couch when my 2 year old daughter decided that daddy needed an ear cleaning. With all the grace of toddler-hood, she stabbed me in the eardrum with a Q-tip. Now I can't hear her coming. FML
Today, I was taking a nap with my 5 month-old on the (carpeted) floor in the living room. When I woke up, my daughter had bombed her diaper, and her and the dogs were rolling in it on the carpet and tiled kitchen. FML
Today, I ran into my infant daughter's room because I thought I heard her crying, and found she was still sound asleep in her crib. The screams were coming from the mouse our cat was using to paint her bedroom walls. FML
Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML
Today, I was awakened by a small scary dark figure approaching me while making creepy noises. I screamed, kicked it away, and buried my face under my pillow. Later, after braving up, I turned on the lights. It was my sick 3-year-old niece, now dazed and coughing blood. FML
Today, as I was trying to fall asleep, I was jolted awake by my oldest cat who'd decided it would be perfect to power-puke all over my bed. FML
Today, I was upstairs with my wife when I heard my cat scream from the porch downstairs. I ran down to find her "puffed up" and growling on the floor, and a corner of the screen next to the door busted out. I still have no idea what caused it and my wife is now afraid to go to sleep. FML
Today, I was wrapping presents for my daughter, trying to be really quiet. Behind me, the cat decided to climb the tree, which then fell on top of me and I couldn't move. My daughter had to help me up. She now knows everything she's getting for Christmas this year. FML
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Top comments
truslide 0
LMAO must have been a hard kick to do that and even then, why the hell would you kick a cat that hard?
uhmfml 0
I don't think your child will be crawling in your bed anymore for a while... if ever.
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Comments (1184)
hawrst 0
You're really stupid on a variety of levels.
insinuendo 0
YDI for kicking your cats that hard. Why would you even care? It's nice when cats do that...
razzumfrazzum 0
Hawrst you fail on a variety of levels.......maybe you should read more of the posts. Specifically the ones by go_falcons. Insinuendo, yes its nice to be clawed by a cat while you're sleeping because it felt like hopping up on your bed.......maybe thats why someone would care.
Silas_fml 0
Razzum, I think we can now be considered the official crusaders for truth, hope, and lulz.
tiemoon37 0
hehe, nice one! keep the babies flying! lol
WhatAMishap 0
We can make 1000! come on!
go_falcons 0
Almost there!!
lolsamzilla 0
HAHA how did you manage to have your child hit the wall. that takes talent dude.
mixedchick 0
i dont understand the posts by go falcons i thought it was a daughter not a son and i always used to kick my cat i used to kick him HARD he was fine he was a bad cat and when he would come on my bed in the morning he would get THROWN off into the wall he would be pretty upset about that
go_falcons 0
@mixedchick I submitted it with "son" and whoever does the posting changed it around to daughter. I know that sometimes someone can post one similar, but this is almost the exact same wording that I submitted, so I know they changed it around.
mixedchick 0
oh ok gotcha, that was a very funny story only because the kid's ok hahah what kind of cat do you have?
go_falcons 0
Yeah, I'm fine. I really don't know what kind they were, they died when I was young because my parents had them before they got married, so they were really old.