Today, I hung out with my crush for only the second time at his apartment. He was having a party. After a few sips of my green apple Smirnoff, I puked up the chinese food I had eaten earlier all over his new couch in front of him and a bunch of people I didn't know. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I finally kissed the guy I really love at a party. He took me outside and immediately vomited. FML
Today, after having an amazing first date with my long time crush, we ended up going out to dinner. We shared a meal, and it was delicious! This would have been the ultimate dream come true... Except for the part about me throwing up in his car on the way back home. FML
Today, I finally made a move on the guy I've been crushing on for years… by getting so drunk that I puked in his lap. FML
Today, I threw up on my crush's lawn. FML
Today, I went to a huge party. My ex boyfriend was there who I still have feelings for, so I decided to make him jealous by making out with the really drunk guy next to me. While we were making out, he threw up in my mouth and all over me. Everybody found it hysterical including my ex. FML
Today, I got too drunk at a party and cracked a tooth from opening a beer bottle with my teeth, farted something nasty in a room alone with someone, tried to climb a tree and fell out, and watched my crush make out with his new girl. FML
Today, I went to get drinks for the first time with a guy I'd been talking to. He drank 4 drinks in the span of 30 minutes, and fell asleep at the table. I went to the bathroom before getting the check, and I came back to find he'd thrown up all over our table. Needless to say, I left without saying a word to him and deleted his number. FML
Today, I had one of the worst first dates of my life. After leaving the restaurant early, we went to a party to try and salvage the night. My date then got wasted, ended up puking in the back seat of my car on the way home, then lied about it. My night ended with me cleaning vomit out of my car. FML
Today, I was drunk at a party and confessed my love for my crush and told her how I felt. According to my friends, I made out with another girl not long after my confession. FML
Today, the girl I’ve been trying to date not only agreed to a date, she invited me back to her place because the date went so well. We were kissing so hard, I struggled to breathe, I coughed, gagged, then vomited my seafood dinner all over her yellow sofa. It all went downhill from there. FML
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Top comments
Slicky 0
At least aim for the floor! Dammit, it costs a lot of money to have a couch cleaned professionally. You seriously owe him like oral sex on demand for a month or something.
fuck_my_knife 0
you need to learn to handle your drink!
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Comments (30)
happygoluckyhh 0
Smooth.
samanthakay9398 0
lightweight!!! damn.
ziqi92 0
whoa, i'm afraid i have to agree with #7. at least thats not a COMPLETELY bad thing...
blamdarot 0
Are you pregnant? That's how a friend of mine realised she ought to take a pregnancy test. It was positive.
dontpanic_fml 32
Damn. I am the lightest of lightweights, but totally YDI. That's ridic. Like someone said, that better have at least been vodka rather than the bitch beer.
My_averageFML 0
Wow can hold a few sips of liquor in...that's really bad you lightweight.
dubbleChic 6
dude, im 12 and i can drink 5+ of those. they rock....and yes i did get a little drunk
sarahdarlin_x 0
5 smirnoffs? really?? Hahaha looks like your to young to have ever heard that Smirnoff also makes a vodka, which is 40%. little kids like you trying to look all cool drinking your little alcopops, you just look like idiots. She was drinking vodka right after eating a chinese, why dont you try that, im pretty sure you'd throw up too.
snowbunnie408 11
you're 12 and drinking. I doubt you can handle that much because your body is still developing
roadie42 21
What are Smirnoff Ices...5% each? I hope you're talking about the vodka, because bragging about drinking five of those sugar-filled things is just sad, honey =P
wasted0087 0
Smirnoff? Seriously? C'mon that's like soda! You are way to lightweight...
saveferris34570 0
dont drink smirnoff... just dont. especially green apple. bubbles+sugar+alcohol= bad
MiGman 5
greenaple smirnoff? I haven't heard of it. any good?