Sex, Injury and Intimacy: Ouch - FML

Ouch

By anon - 14/04/2015 00:51 - United States

Spicy

Today, I learned that my girlfriend is not a screamer nor a moaner, she's a biter. My arm is getting stitches right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 538

You deserved it 3 797

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Same thing different taste

Prank off

By I may also need a Tetanus shot - 08/07/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's sister tried to pull the dog jaw prank on me, accidentally biting my finger in the process. Now she's mad at me because her tooth got chipped when I pulled my hand back, completely disregarding the fact that my finger needed stitches from her bite. FML

I agree, your life sucks 466

You deserved it 80

Danger zone

By Agony! Agony! Agony! - 03/07/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's needy five year-old tried to swing on my arm while I was cutting celery. I needed seven stitches. Later, my girlfriend complained that I should have cleaned up the blood because she's squeamish, and that I upset her son by yelling and cussing in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 625

You deserved it 138

By Dontwaketheneighbors - 06/12/2012 14:24 - United States - Santee

Spicy

Today, I found out my new girlfriend is a screamer. This would normally turn me on, except she sounds like she's being murdered with a rusty fork. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 774

You deserved it 4 590

By anonymous - 09/10/2011 01:20 - Australia

Today, I was play-wrestling with my girlfriend. I ended up with a cut, three bruises on my arm and a black eye. She just giggled the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 301

You deserved it 27 612

By Anonymous - 19/10/2012 20:54 - Czech Republic - Ceska

Spicy

Today, while making love to my wife, I felt adventurous and told her to hit me. She didn't so much as hesitate before savagely slapping me with her ring hand. Now I'm back home from the hospital, with stitches closing up a huge gash on my cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 589

You deserved it 31 843

Memento

By Anonymous - 20/06/2023 03:00

Today, my quite squeamish girlfriend came with me to get my latest tattoo. She saw a few drops of blood, screamed in the tattooist's ear, and completely fucked up part of the outline. She had to alter the tattoo drastically to cover up the mess and now it just looks bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 702

You deserved it 534

By TheStudentNurse - 18/11/2016 00:07

Today, I got bitten at work. Not by a patient's mouth, but by the false teeth they were holding in their hand as they clamped down on my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 848

You deserved it 612

Right in the pecker

By Anonymous - 28/01/2021 23:01

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I got into a nasty fight. After a few hours, she wanted to give me a blowjob, so I thought we weren't mad at each other anymore. Turns out she was still mad because she bit my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 130

You deserved it 489

Ice cold break-up

By Ice cold - 22/11/2012 05:35 - Australia - Cheltenham

Today, my girlfriend decided to break the news that she wanted us to be "just friends." However, she did it not in just any old way - while ice-skating. I'm currently in hospital getting stitches in my arm after I tripped in shock and she ran me over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 428

You deserved it 1 776

FML: Uncensored

By Cliché... or Touché? - 03/08/2017 02:00

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head during the horror flick we were watching. Little did I know, my girlfriend isn't a big fan of horror films. It was during a sex scene that intensified the moment. The same sex scene from which emerged a sudden jump-scare. I now have bite marks on my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 889

You deserved it 62 158

Next

Top comments

Lct1196 31

Tuesday 14 April 2015 14:53

For the love of God, never 69.

Zelphoric 25

Tuesday 14 April 2015 15:11

**** bitches, get stitches.

Comments

Cads1 24

Tuesday 14 April 2015 14:51

Lucky it was only your arm.

Lct1196 31

Tuesday 14 April 2015 14:53

For the love of God, never 69.

bryce0110 23

Wednesday 15 April 2015 2:22

This is the first comment I've laughed at on FML

The_Avatar 22

Tuesday 14 April 2015 14:53

Hey thats a compliment though! Clearly she enjoyed it!

wakemeupplease 21

Tuesday 14 April 2015 15:02

ouch!!! that might be fun tho

catwomam 15

Tuesday 14 April 2015 15:04

So, she's basically Edward Cullen.

dakatabg 31

Tuesday 14 April 2015 15:07

You have a wild one

Wakachulak 22

Tuesday 14 April 2015 15:13

That... sounds... painful

riffehunter 16

Tuesday 14 April 2015 15:13

"I'm a piranha, they live in the Amazon"

Jennandco 25

Tuesday 14 April 2015 15:16

Well that brings a new meaning to the phrase 'an animal in bed' Looks like you'll be frequenting the hospital quite a lot, good luck, OP

ILikeKoalas 24

Tuesday 14 April 2015 15:17

I'm sure it's not intended this way, but this sounds slightly rapey

meghan7810 16

Wednesday 15 April 2015 12:45

You, my dear, have apparently never tried biting someone during sex, especially in a situation where you have to be quiet. It is immensely satisfying and not "rapey" in the slightest.

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