Today, my friends decided that I eat too many snacks. To emphasize this point, they went behind my back and printed 300 pages with my face and the words "NO SNACKS" on them. They were posted in every academic building on campus, including every room I have class in. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I snuck a snack into a library study hall. One tiny crinkle of the wrapper and every head turned like I’d detonated a siren. I tried to nibble silently, misjudged the crunch, dropped the pack, and it performed an encore. The professor glared at me. FML
Today, my so-called friend snitched to the teachers that I was the admin of the school confessions page and I got scolded after school. FML
Today, I was secretly snacking on my roommate’s chips. I heard her coming, so I shoved the chips under my bed and pretended to read. She came in, sniffed the air, and said, "I know you stole my chips. The evidence is on your face." I had orange cheese dust all over my mouth. FML
Today, a "friend" of mine decided stealing my very low amount of sticky notes repetitively to make origami and show off was okay, even though I had repeatedly asked her to stop. Then, when I snapped, I was the bad guy, and everyone who was around started stealing my pencil case to get them. FML
Today, while studying for a big test at the library, some idiots started playing hide-and-seek. After putting up with their snorting and giggling for nearly an hour, I finally lost my shit and told them to knock it off. I then got kicked out for causing a disturbance. FML
Today, my roommates gathered together to tell me that they all took turns spitting in my drinks in the fridge, all because I told on them for smoking pot in the apartment. FML
Today, I was sitting in class when I overheard a group talking about how much they don't like me. When they saw me there, they burst out laughing. FML
Today, in the middle of a boring class, my friend offered me some Smarties. We're not allowed to eat in class, but I had a couple anyway. As I put them in my mouth, my "friend" stood up and yelled that I was doing ecstasy. I might actually get expelled. FML
Today, my professor gave me a huge lecture in front of the class about showing up sick, about how I was endangering the lives of other students, and kicked me out of class. As I left, everyone applauded. I'm not sick, but suffering for horrible allergies. FML
Today, I found out my college friends are going to attack me after Christmas and attempt to tickle me to death. All because they know that I hate to be tickled. They are also going to make a Facebook group dedicated to the matter so people can join in if they wish. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
cococola 0
wow your friends are assholes
SonofVBeach 0
Clearly you snack too much, and you have friends who care...you are a loved gorger.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (170)
breathemein 10
Your friends care about you:) but that would be VERy embarrassing if that was me.
_violet_ 0
get better friends
wrestler_fml 0
Doesn't it suck to be fat and lazy? The way I see it, you have 2 options: The easy way out, or the hard way out. The easy way out won't help you in the long run, however. The easy way is that you get new friends (aka losers) and dump your current ones... who will then talk about you, and make you hated by all. the hard way is to stop being a fat loser, exercise, eat healthier foods, you know- maybe bring some powerbars or naturevalley bars or fruit or veggies or granola from home... instead of eating the artificial crap they give you at schools and in vending machines!!! ============================ Doing it the hard way will get you A) a better body, B) more dates and friendship, C) the ability to KEEP those friends AND be respected by them, E) be accepted by society, and F) get a better job. Doing it the easy way will get you A) a sh*tty life the rest of your short life, B) less people attracted to you, and C) an early death from obesity... but HEY, at least you get D) selfish pride- right?? hahaha ============================ In light of the OBVIOUS, which is all of the benefits that the hard way gives you, vs. the easy way... I FIND IT SURPRISING SO MANY PEOPLE ARE KISSING YOUR A*SS AND TELLING YOU TO TAKE THE EASY WAY OUT! IT MAY SOUND EASIER AND MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOURSELF... BUT IT WON'T GET YOU SH*T IN THE LONG RUN! In reality, even BOSSES are prejudiced against severely overweight people! If you stink or are huge, they won't want you in the workroom, and will try to find a reason to give it to somebody else around your skill level! Also, you will be less SUCCESSFUL in the workplace, because no matter WHAT your job is- be it a deskjob, or a construction job- you will be slower at WHATEVER YOU DO because of obesity! Clicking a mouse, walking to get some papers from the printer, walking to a meeting, or lifting heavy boards- ALL ARE HELPED by strength and fitness, and strength and speed will get these done FASTER! You are LESS VALUABLE AS A WORKER if you are fat! WAKE UP! ======= and to all the haters: stop being fat yourself. I DID. I was fat as a kid, but I worked my A*SS OFF every year of middle school, and finally in high school ive gotten to be really athletic, actually! everyone can do it, if i can! (i have asthma, allergies, and heart problems too!) STOP making excuses!
vox_temperantia 0
#125 Yep, because obviously this guy's problem is that he's definitely obese, rather than perhaps not taking it upon himself to eat at regular mealtimes.
mbargozz 0
those people are not your friends...
crackerjacks 0
get new friends yours are ASSHOLES
l33tm0nk3y 0
Okay, maybe that was a little over the top, but honestly, I'm not so quick to judge your friends as assholes. I mean, obviously I don't know you, but if you really do have a legitimate problem with eating too many snacks (and it doesn't have to be weight-related; it could be more of a general nutrition issue) then I think it's good that your friends are taking steps to help you with that. Yeah, they probably should have been a bit more tactful, but at least they care about your well-being, right?
Succubus_Maid 0
Wow, what mean friends. I would've punched them.
jadiyy 3
your friends suck. get new ones. i would never do that. that's sabotage to a BFF! i would've got them back. bad. so beware. haha
annis_fml 0
That's excessively mean AND a huge waste of paper.