Today, I used my vaporiser to make my house smell like lavender while I went to work. My brother thought it would be funny to pee inside it. My whole house now smells like pissy lavender. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I cleaned my apartment from top to bottom. Once I was done, I looked over at my puppy, who then woke up, stretched, got out of his basket and started to pee. I shouted, "No!" Scared, he then ran all over the place, still peeing. FML
Today, my brother put pepper spray on my toilet paper. FML
Today, after cleaning the whole house, I still couldn't get rid of the foul smell. Later, my roommate revealed his new place to "stash and dry" his socks: The ventilation ducts. FML
Today, I had to announce to the whole house that I was going the bathroom, because the lock on the door is broken. Before I had the chance to wipe, my dad loudly burst through the door, stark bollock naked, to take a shower. FML
Today, I was in the toilet. Some idiots thought it was funny to throw a water balloon into the cubicle. The balloon didn't pop, but fell in the toilet, sending my own urine onto my shorts. I had 4 hours left of school. FML
Today, my mother told my boyfriend a cute story about me when I was little. The one where my cousin and I were caught pooping in a urinal in the church basement. FML
Today, I went to my grandmother's house to pick up her cat to take him to the vet. She forgot who I was and sprayed me in the face with pepper spray. FML
Today, I realized I can tell which one of my 6 roommates has taken a dump, just based on the smell emanating from the toilet. FML
Today, I thought it would be a good idea to sneak out of work early and pay a little visit to the pub. I ended up staggering home, drunkenly making myself a nacho cheese dorito milkshake with the blender, then promptly puked my guts out all over the kitchen table. FML
Today, we were having a little bonfire. At some point, while I was inside, my stupid roommate filled a beer can with lighter fluid and threw it in the fire, resulting in it spewing 5-foot flames, catching the pile of wood and the chair next to it on fire. FML
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Top comments
DaMann360 19
"Thats just nasty" *Cleveland voice
Kruiser 16
Could be worse, it could be poopy lavender
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Comments (48)
rdenkewicz 11
Since he goes over to your house, doesn't he realize he'll have to deal with the smell too?!
chocolatesarah 5
Exquisite Eau de toilette
SuperMew 22
Does your brother live with you? If you own the house, then you might want to limit your brother's ability to access your house while you are gone. Take the extra key from him, if he has one, inform family members not to let him in. If he doesn't have a key, don't let him in without you there. If you live with him, you might want to reconsider a new roommate--if you are able to leave. I live by myself with a few friends. My family called me to ask for help, my male cousin needed a place to crash for the weekend. That was the worst weekend I have ever had with a family member. He didn't flush, he didn't wash his own dishes, and he ate my roommate's food. But the worst thing he did was piss in my boyfriend's shampoo bottle and shit in his conditioner. Luckily he started to snicker before my boyfriend took a shower. We found out, gave him ten minutes to get his stuff and he was out of the house. He had the nerve to complain that we were inhospitable. He ended up having to go rent a crappy motel room when I told everyone what happened. So, the best way to deal with that sort of thing is to put your foot down and tell him he cannot be trusted, and that he will be treated like a child. Because, really, that is disgusting.
keirookami 11
My brother does live with me he's only there to help me pay the rent and bills this isn't the first time something like this has happened while he has been drunk (he was drinking with a couple of friends) I was angry after it had happened but I can be just as stupid when I've been drinking so he was forgiven He's offered to buy and spray every room with air freshener and to buy a new vaporizer for me and I've learned never to have the vaporizer on when he and his friends are planning to drink (or at least to be home next time) though that does sound like a 'Shitty' time with your cousin, and did he really do that in the conditioner bottle? that is really nasty good thing you put your foot down. thankyou for your comment though :)
rundas09 8
He must be in a "pissy" mood... No? Ok...
itsfhio 4
at least it's not a cinnamon-shit smell or I like to call it cinnishit
wolfknite64 5
"Ferb, I know what we're going to do today."
TopHatNinja68 6
Thank your brother I now now know how to Piss everyone off
BoltTheSuperdog 22
That really stinks!
keirookami 11
OP here, wow I didn't think this would actually get posted My brother is 21 and he had been drinking with some friends when it happened next time I decide to use the vaporizer I'll make sure he and his friends aren't around the house or at least aren't drinking. Thankyou so much for all your comments
laurapiggy 3
I would've hit him the dumped the lavender piss on him.