By Gollumapparently - 13/1/2021 05:01

My precious

Today, my friend and I took an online quiz to find out what character from Lord of the Rings we look like. She got Arwen. I got Gollum. FML

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579

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177

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Miscellaneous

There's no helping some people

Walk on the wild side

Ambien conversations are the worst

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while talking online with my boyfriend, the conversation turns sexual. He stops responding but I continue with the conversation. Then I get a response: "this is his sister. He fell asleep and I need the computer. I'll tell him you said goodnight, but not that other stuff". FML

I agree, your life sucks

28723

You deserved it

7995

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By look how totally not racist I am! - United States - Salida

Today, I was stuck on a campus tour with my subtly racist mother who, in an attempt to seem open-minded, deemed it appropriate to refer to our black tour guide as "Sistah". FML

I agree, your life sucks

45971

You deserved it

3982

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By Anonymous

Today, at work, I came back from my break to find a child covered in mud. Turns out it wasn't mud. One of the other children had taken all of the poop out of their diaper and smeared it all over the floor, walls, and other children. The other teacher hadn't noticed, and I had to clean it all up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1984

You deserved it

119

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By Anonymous

Today, I accidentally farted at a board meeting. My boss thought it came from the guy sitting next to me and gave him hell for being a pig. I was too mortified to say anything, even when the guy blamed it on me, which caused my boss to rage at him for lying and then to kick him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23735

You deserved it

12013

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By ayeyieyie - United States

Hypocrite move

Today, my boyfriend of eight happy months suddenly broke up with me via text. He'd always insisted that texts were too impersonal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1488

You deserved it

120

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By Smeagogole - France - Villeurbanne

Today, I found a friend's gold ring in some grass after a intense 10-minute search in the dark. As well as thanks, I've now got a new nickname. You can now call me Gollum. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27044

You deserved it

3539

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By Emma Five - United States

Today, my dad was driving me to college. I'd cracked a joke about how old people like him shouldn't be allowed to drive, and I guess he took it personally, what with him speeding straight up to the parking lot wall, and only braking after I started shrieking in terror. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8556

You deserved it

32132

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By istillcannotbreathe

Genius.

Today, my roommate found a solution to his awful body odor: bathing in vinegar. Now instead of smelling like a middle school locker room, the house smells like a chemical plant. I'm not sure which is worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2841

You deserved it

187

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By Medfail - United Kingdom - Bath

Today, at the age of 27, I learnt that your tonsils aren't the dangly bit at the back of your throat. I work in healthcare. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7626

You deserved it

13548

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By Anonymous - 30/6/2020 17:02

Mixed signals

Today, my girlfriend always assures me she doesn’t care if I’m a little overweight, yet in the past few weeks she’s bought me running shorts, new trainers, a set of professional barbells and weights, a "how to lose weight in your living room" book and installed a treadmill in the garage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1085

You deserved it

577

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was getting mugged. In shock, I said, "Are you mugging me?!" To which the mugger responded, "Duh, do you think I grabbed you for your looks?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

54525

You deserved it

7686

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By lizzard0416 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I was going to give my baby daughter an empty Pringles tin to play with on the floor. I saw some crumbs at the bottom, so I emptied the can in my mouth before I gave it to her. I crunched hard and spat them out, realizing my boyfriend had just cut his toenails into the can. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36834

You deserved it

9938

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By GasAttack - Canada

Today, I was taking a shower. I heard my boyfriend come into the bathroom, brush his teeth and take off his clothes. He joined me in the shower and instead of doing something loving or sexy, he let out a huge fart into his hand and threw it into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58363

You deserved it

8506

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By Sad_Happy_Gorl - United States - University Center

Today, I found out my boyfriend has to picture someone else when we have sex. The most recent: my roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3269

You deserved it

326

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By ghgfd - Canada - Barrie

Today, I went to the store to pick up some feminine products. As I was paying, the male cashier looked at me sympathetically and asked if it was my girlfriend's time of the month. I'm a girl and was buying them for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38761

You deserved it

4408

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By Fat and Embarrassed - United States - Palmdale

Today, I asked an elderly customer at my work if she needed help with her groceries. She responded, "I normally would, but I'm afraid you'll eat all the groceries." FML

I agree, your life sucks

12679

You deserved it

1331

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to my cousin's farm with my family. First I was pooped on by a goose, peed on by a puppy, bit in the face by the mother dog, fell through the floor of the barn loft, and without knowing it was electric, rested my hand on the horse fence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45497

You deserved it

9298

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By buggyluv - United States - Edwardsville

Today, at my new job, a coworker offered to help me mop the floors since she wasn't busy. I ended up getting written up by my boss for supposedly being too lazy and making other people finish my work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12253

You deserved it

930

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By janie - 10/1/2021 17:01

Mind your own business

Today, I'm so skinny that I was told to, “Eat a burger.” While I was eating a burger. FML

I agree, your life sucks

730

You deserved it

108

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By Anunimos - Romania - Bucharest

Today, I found out my best friend's girlfriend is cheating on him with his own brother. I went over to his place and told him everything while his girlfriend was in the same room. He called me a jealous liar who wanted to break them up, and kicked me out while she looked on, smirking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33818

You deserved it

3397

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was drunk and crashed on my friend's couch to sober up. On the drive home, a cop pulled me over for seemingly no reason. He kept asking if I had been drinking, to which I answered no. Finally, he told me to look in the mirror. My friends had written all over my face while I slept. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42900

You deserved it

23926

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By mafille - France

Today, when I dropped my 6-year-old daughter off at school, a little boy ran up to her so I asked his name. My daughter explained: "Oh, don't pay any attention to him, he's my slave. He's come to carry my bag. See you later, mom!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

40167

You deserved it

5451

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By SharpDressedMan - United States - Leesburg

Today, I spent almost nine hours cleaning because I was promised I could go to junior prom if my room was cleaned. I missed a dust bunny and couldn't go. I had a date for this, who I'd had a crush on for over a year and barely managed to ask to go with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3958

You deserved it

299

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By Cowan - Belgium

Today, I had to come back home early from my holidays. Why? I had asked my grandmother to water my plants, some of which are illegal. Instead of doing it herself, she asked her neighbor... who is a cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23802

You deserved it

125069

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By boblaj - United Kingdom - Hastings

Today, I took the day off work to be with my wife, since she's always bemoaning my lack of romantic gestures. As thanks, she spent most of the day reading Fifty Shades of Grey, which is basically a blatant plagiarism of Twilight, starring a pair of two-dimensional BDSM freaks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22758

You deserved it

4006

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By Julia - United States

Today, I found out all the money my dad has been saving in the bank for me since birth has all been spent, by my mother who I haven't seen or talked to in about two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34407

You deserved it

1974

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By beyondembarrassed - United States

Today, I tried to show my boyfriend's mom a picture of my prom dress on my phone. She scrolled to the right to find a picture of her son, naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46107

You deserved it

78687

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By c-mack - United States

Today, I got jumped by five dudes who took my phone. On it I had naked pictures of myself. An hour later they sent the pictures to all of my contacts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24620

You deserved it

46919

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By katiebug - United States - Topeka

Today, I was trying to get a good night's sleep before the huge exam tomorrow, which I'm extremely anxious about. The SAME night my neighbor below me is having a home birth. It lasted NINE HOURS. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16119

You deserved it

1071

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was my big sister's birthday, and I was told the iPod I ordered her online was not coming due to a mix up. I drove to three different electronic stores before I found the one she wanted. After spending forever in traffic, I came home to find a package on my doorstep. It was her iPod. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31231

You deserved it

4012

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I left my dog alone in the house for ten minutes while I took a shower. When I got out I found a mess of dust all over the floor and her ripping up a package that was supposed to be sent to my aunt. It contained my grandmother's ashes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50716

You deserved it

7875

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By Dave - United States

Today, a vendor contacted me to let me know that our contract renewal went through. Turns out, I misread our original contract and now I've obligated our company to buy $24k of services, when my boss wanted to cancel it. It's only February and I already know I'm not getting a bonus this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4974

You deserved it

2510

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By FUCK - United States - Chicago

Today, I won an award for Employee of the Month. Shocked, I asked my boss if he'd gotten my name mixed up or something. He had. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48191

You deserved it

10825

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after three weeks of my boss telling me how much he appreciates my hard work and has submitted my name up for a promotion, he called me into his office to announce I'm being laid off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29066

You deserved it

2337

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By frankfukhergood - Canada

Today, I asked a buddy of mine if he wanted to see a movie. He said he was busy that day, so I decided to go alone. Midway through, the couple behind me is making out and kicking my seat. I turn around, and it's my ex-girlfriend making out with my buddy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55956

You deserved it

3325

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was going to do some laundry, with the washer and dryer I bought off of Craigslist for 150 dollars. The washer leaks and the dryer doesn't dry. So I called the guy and left an angry message about how the washer flooded my kitchen. In fact I just forgot to hook up the drain hose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7271

You deserved it

62309

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By giantsfan2010 - United States

Today, after working and saving up money for an entire year, I bought a 2001 VW Cabrio. I showed it to my friends, they all laughed at me and told me it was a girl's car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18473

You deserved it

28535

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By Anonymous - United States - Tucson

Today, I was playing tug of war with my dog. She let go and I ended up punching myself in the mouth. My lip is still swollen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5878

You deserved it

1062

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By Anonymous - 9/8/2020 05:01

Tough love

Today, I spent over an hour trying to get my niece to sleep and nothing worked. Then my husband got home and yelled, "Listen brat, either sleep now or be buried in the cat's litter box." It worked. She giggled, ran to bed and 30 seconds later she was snoring. What? How? Why? FML

I agree, your life sucks

1603

You deserved it

284

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By dormeur - France - Malakoff

Today, as usual, my cat was sleeping on my stomach. I couldn't fall asleep so I delicately picked him up and put him down next to me. He got up, hopped back onto me, gave me a slap and then went back to sleep on my stomach. I didn't dare move all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39639

You deserved it

15782

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Top comments

By RichardPencil | 29

#7963995 - Wednesday 13 January 2021 7:37

I'm sure that she's just as ugly as you, but she knew how to lie to the quiz correctly.

This should cheer you up. You're welcome.

By tounces7 | 27

#7964759 - Saturday 16 January 2021 2:15

Those tests are completely random and stupid.

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 29

#7963995 - Wednesday 13 January 2021 7:37

I'm sure that she's just as ugly as you, but she knew how to lie to the quiz correctly.

This should cheer you up. You're welcome.

Annies | 9

#7964156 - Wednesday 13 January 2021 20:03

I think they do it by submitting pictures...

RichardPencil | 29

#7964162 - Wednesday 13 January 2021 20:12

Oh.

Maybe the ugly friend is good with filters.

It's pretty stunning what you can do with them!

By tounces7 | 27

#7964759 - Saturday 16 January 2021 2:15

Those tests are completely random and stupid.