Motherly love

By Anonymous - 20/08/2020 20:00

Today, my son handed me a handful of snot he just sneezed out, then went back to playing with his Lego. I had IVF and gave up a career as a lawyer to have this little snot demon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 864

You deserved it 1 461

Hiding from the drama

Menace II Society

I didn't mean to hurt you, I'm sorry that I made you cry

By notpregnantthankgod - 20/11/2015 17:20 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, the local gossip was in line behind me at the shop. She saw me buying pregnancy tests. The good news is that I'm not pregnant. The bad news is that she'll definitely have everyone thinking I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 473

You deserved it 2 187

By moe - 19/10/2010 19:15 - United States

Today, the man who has been my stepfather for six years, has forgotten how old I am. However, he remembers exactly how much my real father owes him for child support. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 557

You deserved it 2 850

By Anonymous - 24/04/2011 20:55 - United States

Today, it is both my birthday and Easter. My whole family came into town and my mom made a big dinner with all of my favorite foods. After church, I took a nap. When I woke up, all the food, including my cake, was gone. No one thought to wake me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 376

You deserved it 6 848

By hahahah111 - 25/05/2009 07:43 - United States

Today, my mom was driving me somewhere. As we were driving she got mad at a motorcycle driver telling to "get the fuck off the road." In response, the driver decided to spit into my open window. His spit landed on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 680

You deserved it 4 250

By brokebitch - 09/05/2019 06:00

Today, being a broke college student struggling to make ends meet, I decided to sign up for a sugar daddy website. The first person to message me was my high school history teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 538

You deserved it 1 190

Gratitude walks

By Erin - 22/04/2021 17:01 - United States - Pompton Plains

Today, after drawing a huge portrait of a homeless man to raise awareness about homelessness, I showed it to him. When I told him I was glad he liked the drawing, he groped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 006

You deserved it 207

By Anonymous - 17/07/2011 00:17 - Israel

Today, my husband told me that he never washes his hands after using the bathroom because he thinks it's only for "paranoid people". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 367

You deserved it 3 711

By Anonymous - 03/07/2019 06:00 - Australia

Today, I got an angry text, asking me why I wasn't at the staff dinner. I've been gone for the last 2 weeks, and I wasn't told about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 530

You deserved it 93

By crap - 17/01/2014 16:24 - United States - Mansfield

Today, I realized that if you are dreaming that you have diarrhea, you probably have diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 965

You deserved it 4 406

By Girl With a Cold - 08/02/2012 18:46

Today, I was sick, so I emailed my co-workers with a list of my hours, asking if anyone would be willing to cover them for me. I only got one hour covered, and that was during a day I don't even work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 753

You deserved it 2 673

By BigFoot - 29/07/2009 04:03 - United States

Today, I was trying on some shoes when I felt the heels break underneath me. Not only did they cost two paychecks worth, but as I was leaving I heard the sales girl say that "we really should have a weight limit for who can try on our products." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 968

You deserved it 20 309

By Equi - 12/12/2018 16:00 - United States

Today, I went to the company's health clinic to treat muscle spasms and a possible cracked rib. In the process the old quack doc and overly eager nurses wound up giving me a storng laxative and 3 enemas, two of them quite large. Then I still had to return to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 447

You deserved it 304

By skinnybitch - 11/12/2012 18:09 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, the guy I'm dating found out I have severe arachnophobia. He downloaded a picture of a huge, hairy spider and set it as background on my iPhone. I can't even unlock my phone, as every time I try, the spider pops up and I drop the phone. He laughs every time I do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 881

You deserved it 6 530

Smash capitalism

By Anonymous - 20/06/2020 14:02

Today, I was basically treated to, "Hey, you're laid off by the end of the month. Oh, and would you mind training your replacement? We have budget cuts, and he works for less." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 559

You deserved it 89

By Anonymous - 19/04/2014 01:19 - Norway - Mo I Rana

Today, I accidentally let a huge one rip while tending to an older patient at the nursing home where I work. The patient passed away shortly thereafter. Coincidence? FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 523

You deserved it 7 432

By Fatass - 18/04/2014 05:37 - United States - Knoxville

Today, I lied to the cashier at my local store, saying that I was "nominated to buy the candy for the party" when in actuality I went home and gorged on it alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 654

You deserved it 13 820

By Proposal Fail - 01/01/2015 05:47 - United States - Holbrook

Today, my proposal to my girlfriend was supposed to be exactly when the ball dropped at midnight. Unfortunately my mother called her at 11:55pm to ask her if she liked the ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 544

You deserved it 3 733

Some guys have all the luck

By Anonymous - 26/08/2020 05:03 - United Kingdom - Plymouth

Today my brother tried to teach me the merits of stalking women on Facebook, gave me a tutorial on how to use improper grammar and spelling to woo them and finally, "using misinformation to start a conversation." He's getting married soon. The last time I kissed a woman was 4 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 290

You deserved it 209

By Anonymous - 26/06/2009 01:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. Everything was going great until I noticed a small blinking light on my shelf. It turns out that it was a camera. My mom put it there to make sure I cleaned my room. She saw the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 546

You deserved it 10 886

By noantiquesforme - 30/03/2015 18:39 - United States - Santa Clara

Today, an old man walked up to me, said, "Hey missy, you wanna see an antique?" and winked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 682

You deserved it 2 712

By shopper242 - 22/11/2010 12:29 - France

Today, my boyfriend compared my orgasm to that of a beached sea turtle. He demonstrated what he meant in front of all our friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 771

You deserved it 4 074

By Anonymous - 13/02/2016 01:56 - United States - Dallas

Today, I returned to work after taking two days off to find I'd been fired. Why? For not being at work on those two days. Everything was agreed in writing, all trace of which has mysteriously vanished. I can't work until HR sorts it out, and nobody can tell me how long that'll take. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 209

You deserved it 1 485

By NoMoreTrumpetBlowing - 14/08/2013 16:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I was having dinner with my boyfriend's family, and he was saying how well his driving lessons are going. During this conversation his mum told him to "stop blowing your own trumpet." He replied, "If I could do that, I wouldn't need Anna." His dad gave him a high-five. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 849

You deserved it 8 958

By ak - 02/03/2009 21:26 - United States

Today, I was laying with my girlfriend on the couch. I looked at her and says "You're so beautiful. How did I ever get you?" She replied, "I was drunk." FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 602

You deserved it 11 343

Left hanging

By Anonymous - 28/09/2020 19:01 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at work, and I had to tell my manager I was calling someone to bring me a bra as mine had broken mid-shift. I was the only woman on shift. It took them 30 minutes to show up and I still had to serve front of house while I waited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 253

You deserved it 224

By mylifereallysuks - 08/11/2009 06:07 - United States

Today, I got an email from my cute teacher about reminding us to bring stuff for the next lesson. As a joke I clicked on reply and wrote about how I think he is so cute and handsome. Right then and there I clicked to go look at other messages. A little box came up..."MESSAGE SENT". FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 831

You deserved it 61 986

By mydadforgetsme - 04/11/2015 17:26 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my dad forgot it's my birthday. When I told him about it, he accused me of lying and threatened to ground me for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 622

You deserved it 1 450

By prego - 13/04/2012 14:15 - United States - Sterling Heights

Today, my husband told me to stop faking being sick, because, "morning sickness doesn't happen after noon." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 350

You deserved it 3 305

By gkline09 - 06/08/2009 05:28 - United States

Today, I walked out to my car to see a broken window, a bunch of stuff missing, egg shells, and a note that read "stop banging my boyfriend". I haven't had anyone in over a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 994

You deserved it 3 065

By cjbutterfly96 - 17/12/2015 15:54 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a guy for the second time, and he was helping me buy a Christmas present for my dad. I excused myself to go to the bathroom, and when I came out, he was gone. He left me alone and took my dad's present with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 397

You deserved it 2 253

By V - 09/02/2009 07:51 - United States

Today, I visited my 78 year old grandmother. She thanked me for visiting and gave me a magazine before I left telling me I might find something I like in there. When I got home I looked at the magazine only to realize it's full of dildos and sextoys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 287

You deserved it 3 399

By Sparks - 13/03/2011 07:39 - United States

Today, after a few beers, I was exiting the bathroom of a loud house party when the door jammed. I had to climb out through the shower window. It was fool proof until my foot got stuck. I hung outside the house upside down in the dark yelling for an hour before someone figured out where I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 686

You deserved it 14 945

By Anonymous - 15/06/2015 02:54 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was drying myself with a towel after a shower when I noticed a bad smell. After running out of toilet paper last night, one of my friends decided to use my clean towel to wipe herself instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 618

You deserved it 2 396

Experimentation is good

By Anonymous - 30/10/2019 00:01

Today, I was at my friend's place with a bunch of people. I saw a pair of panties in his laundry basket, so of course I yelled, "DUDE! YOU GOT LAID!" Turns out he didn't get laid, he was 'experimenting'. He was so mortified, he burst out crying and threw us all out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 098

You deserved it 2 290

By anonymous - 23/04/2013 05:25 - United States

Today, I had a note to skip P.E. that my grandpa had written because my mom was busy. His handwriting is terrible, so they didn't believe that he'd written it. I'd twisted my ankle and I got to run another mile for "lying". FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 903

You deserved it 4 182

Sips unsee juice

By Facepalm2020 - 21/06/2020 23:01

Today, my mom asked me what twerking was. When I said that it was a club dance, trying to get out of telling her what it actually was, she begged me to teach her how to do it. My mom complained to my dad, who grounded me for not teaching her to twerk her ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 450

You deserved it 314

By Anonymous - 17/02/2017 18:00 - United States - Dayton

Today, I asked a very attractive girl out, then later I ended up talking with her. One of my friends comes up to us and points out that I'm beet red and, "blushing like a bitch". She notices and laughs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 083

You deserved it 607

By AddictiveAddicted - 29/06/2015 02:02 - United States - Denver

Today, I found an unfamiliar ring in my purse. Thinking it was fake, I gave it to a little girl. Thanks to my mother, I later found out that the ring was my grandmother's and it was made of gold and had a real ruby. My mother added that my grandmother trusted me to keep it in our family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 115

You deserved it 31 641

By lonely - 05/02/2009 15:14 - United States

Today, my phone rang for the first time in four days. It was my mom. She dialed the wrong number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 530

You deserved it 3 249

Happy anniversary!

By Anonymous - 10/10/2019 14:00 - United States

Today, it's my husband's and my first wedding anniversary. I came home from work hoping for at least a bouquet of flowers, only to find my husband passed out on the couch, with a few beer cans next to him. I guess I missed the party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 698

You deserved it 196

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Top comments

RichardPencil 30

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Thursday 20 August 2020 20:15

Funny, they usually don't put that part in the IVF brochures. Spoiler alert: You're going to have misadventures with poop, vomit and other bodily fluids. I'll spare you the horror of what you have to look forward to with a teenage boy, counselor.

JackFaire 27

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Friday 21 August 2020 1:35

You don't have to quit your job to be a parent.

RichardPencil 30

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Thursday 20 August 2020 20:15

kfchicken 31

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Friday 21 August 2020 6:27

you have to deal with your teens poop? yikes

RichardPencil 30

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Friday 21 August 2020 8:01

Oh, bless your heart!

mekiswrite 21

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Thursday 20 August 2020 20:16

Money well spent?

wysegirl 22

Thursday 20 August 2020 21:06

Enjoy every minute of it!! My older kid used to take off his diaper and smear poop over his crib when he was little. Times may suck but its a joy watching them grow up and become young men.

MandazInTC 32

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Thursday 20 August 2020 21:35

Don't let your child be a damper. Remember why you wanted him so badly in the first place. You have a lot more days and adventures to look forward to.

TxKitten 8

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Thursday 20 August 2020 22:16

Yup. Welcome to parenthood. lol

genuinegoodguy 9

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Friday 21 August 2020 0:06

Don’t be a doormat. Teach the child or suffer the consequences.

JackFaire 27

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Friday 21 August 2020 1:35

You don't have to quit your job to be a parent.

Mathalamus 24

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Friday 21 August 2020 4:01

You quit your job and used a fertility treatment for a child. What did you expect...?

BurnInDemonFire 32

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Friday 21 August 2020 4:06

You're complaining about your child being a child? What made you want one in the first place?

zeffra13 31

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Saturday 22 August 2020 18:02

Wish I could like this comment more than once!

icalledhisname 11

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Friday 21 August 2020 4:59

I understand the unhappiness with the parenting life. My 6 year old is high needs, currently doing a partial in patient program at a psych hospital. It’s very, very rough. There’s such a stigma about parents who hate parenting and there shouldn’t be. Not every kid is a ray of sunshine.

xxlk4xx 6

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Friday 21 August 2020 16:12

yasss! I have 4 kids who I love with everything I have! but I'm also one of those people who hates being a parent! you can love your kids and love HAVING them while hating the job at the same time!