By Lewis - France - Paris Me and my responsibilities I'll do it tomorrow 0 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Shane Today, I was dry-walling a house when my butt started to itch. I bent over to scratch it on a piece of plywood, at which point the client's wife walked in and asked what the fuck I was doing. FML I agree, your life sucks 10093 You deserved it 32071 60 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Bee - United States Today, I was taking a piss in a port-o-john and thought it would be a good idea to aim at a bee I saw buzzing around. The bee thought it would be a better idea to sting me on the knob. FML I agree, your life sucks 10353 You deserved it 91643 153 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By dm206 - United States Today, I decided that I was going to get my front license plate put back on my car after two years of having it off. In these two years I somehow never got pulled over for it, as it is illegal to drive without one in MD. On my way there, I got pulled over for not having a front license plate. FML I agree, your life sucks 18102 You deserved it 51724 122 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By myles bevan - United Kingdom Today, whilst sat next to a old lady on a flight back to the UK, I exclaimed how I wished somebody would gag the crying baby a few rows behind us. Her reply was, "That's my grandson." FML I agree, your life sucks 12098 You deserved it 39808 232 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I was outside, eating a sandwich, when I noticed a homeless man was standing in front of me. Upon making eye contact, he grabbed the rest of my sandwich and ran off. FML I agree, your life sucks 27795 You deserved it 4999 182 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I found out that my anxiety disorder has escalated to where I now scratch and pick at my face while asleep. Now I get to sleep with oven mitts taped to my hands. FML I agree, your life sucks 32665 You deserved it 3092 84 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Tallow101 - United States Today, I asked my parents to sign for me to enlist in the military. They asked me how much money the government gives them if I die. FML I agree, your life sucks 56705 You deserved it 6626 210 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By NosChersVoisins - France - Bordeaux Today, it's my birthday. My next-door neighbours gave me a stool and some rope. FML I agree, your life sucks 63063 You deserved it 5918 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By roadkill - United States Today, an old lady hit me with her car. After which she says, "Oh! Not Again!" FML I agree, your life sucks 34172 You deserved it 2815 88 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By done - United States - North Las Vegas Excuse you? Today, after spending years volunteering at community theatres and being accepted into a prestigious university for theatrical design, my public high school gave me a scholarship. All my mother could say was "I'm sorry they wasted their money on you." FML I agree, your life sucks 3140 You deserved it 179 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By N1ch0la1 - South Africa Today, while in the shower, my roomates thought it would be really funny if they threw my cat in with me. The doctor who gave me the stitches also thought so. FML I agree, your life sucks 51094 You deserved it 2959 89 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Bitchjackedmyball - United States - Kihei Today, I had just bought a new $60 basketball and decided to go try it out. Five minutes into playing, the ball decided to roll into the hands of a little girl, who then said, "Mine". I thought it was cute, until she skipped over to her parent's car and they drove off. FML I agree, your life sucks 34414 You deserved it 5524 161 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By gloria77 - United States Today, I took my kids to visit their grandma. At one point while playing, my youngest said "shit", so I admonished her. My mom snorted and told me to "stop being such a little bitch", because it will make my kids into "lame prisses like their mother". FML I agree, your life sucks 30263 You deserved it 7452 203 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Farterella Today, I was the only girl in gym class who couldn't lift the weight, and the only one to fart multiple times during the attempt. FML I agree, your life sucks 11651 You deserved it 1525 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By coveredupforfun - Canada - Ottawa Today, I saw my co-worker write about how awful Muslims were and how the religion is stupid, the hijab is oppressive, and how they're a poison on society. When I questioned them about it, they pretty much said that I didn't know anything and should stop talking. I'm Muslim and a hijabi. FML I agree, your life sucks 36907 You deserved it 6149 74 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, at work, a little boy shyly told his mom he thought I was cute. I smiled at him as she looked me up and down and said to him, "Eww, honey. No, you do not!" FML I agree, your life sucks 37750 You deserved it 3153 116 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Crushed Today, the girl I've had a crush on for months invited me on a group hiking trip, just so that she wouldn't be the most out of shape person on the trail. FML I agree, your life sucks 1512 You deserved it 270 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By danam - Canada Today, I looked out my window to see the sunset, but instead I see my neighbor dancing with strobe lights on and music blasting. He was by himself and had absolutely nothing on. FML I agree, your life sucks 34102 You deserved it 4293 229 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Diet_Water - United States - Moreno Valley Today, I wore my boyfriend's favorite shirt to surprise him and show him how sexy I look. He made me take it off and pay the bill for dry cleaner. FML I agree, your life sucks 22805 You deserved it 4657 100 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, after weeks, I've finally reached my goal and lost 10 lbs. My sister got jealous about me losing weight, and told my parents and coworkers that I'm anorexic. Hello, intervention. FML I agree, your life sucks 39128 You deserved it 3102 188 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Today, I found out what rotten cooked potato both smells and tastes like. FML I agree, your life sucks 7696 You deserved it 1829 17 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Orlando Today, I eavesdropped as my friend tried hinting to my crush that I like him. He replied, "Haha, eww. She looks like a fuckin' garden gnome." FML I agree, your life sucks 18435 You deserved it 1720 75 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Stinky and Single - United States Today, I was sitting in a secluded corner of a coffee shop and felt extremely gassy. Thinking I'd be safe, I let out a pretty nasty smelling fart. Next thing I know, a cute guy is approaching me and asked my name, but all it took was for him to inhale once and he bolted. FML I agree, your life sucks 24667 You deserved it 6618 65 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Shodan2112 - United States Today, as I go to a small private Christian college, the academic dean came up to me and asked me to put some old records on CD, since I have a record player that can do that. I had to listen to eight records of old students from the 1970's singing bible thumper Christian hippie music. FML I agree, your life sucks 26944 You deserved it 9602 110 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By OutoftheLoop - China Today, I returned home from college and saw a framed picture of my parents and my younger sister on an elephant in an exotic jungle. I pointed to the picture and asked my mom, "Is this some photoshop job?" She responded, "No, we went to Thailand for a family trip, didn't we tell you?" FML I agree, your life sucks 76269 You deserved it 3629 49 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Backtoschool Today, while preparing to move into my dorm, I received two e-mails from the campus police. The first stated that there had been 76 overdoses from a synthetic drug reported around campus this week and the second said there had been a stabbing on campus this morning. Happy back to school to me. FML I agree, your life sucks 2117 You deserved it 142 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By forever alone - United States - Pawling Today, I was video chatting my boyfriend. As we were talking, he answered a phone call. I sat there the whole time as he planned a date with some other girl over the phone. FML I agree, your life sucks 56898 You deserved it 7429 140 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By animallover - United States Today, I found out that my beloved guinea pig has impaction. For the rest of his life it will be my duty to clean out his rectum manually every month, or every week/day if it gets worse. FML I agree, your life sucks 34478 You deserved it 5277 306 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Ramb0 - United Kingdom - Christchurch By singing Today, I was headbanging so hard to a song in the shower that I hit my head on the wall and got a concussion. I'm now in hospital. FML I agree, your life sucks 733 You deserved it 2035 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I fell into a hole. And by hole, I mean a sewer. FML I agree, your life sucks 28432 You deserved it 3137 126 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By FMBs - Puerto Rico - Guaynabo Don't listen to Cosmo Today, my girlfriend got the brilliant idea of trying out a sex tip dreamed up by one of the glorified trolls at Cosmo. I think my balls are broken beyond repair. FML I agree, your life sucks 51581 You deserved it 7173 121 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By cherokeems - United States - Harriman Today, my girlfriend of a month told me that the only thing keeping her from swallowing a bottle of pills is being in a relationship with me, because she doesn't handle breakups well. FML I agree, your life sucks 33457 You deserved it 3016 159 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By me - United States Today, my dad walked in on me masturbating. All I could say was, "Uh I had an itch..." FML I agree, your life sucks 19965 You deserved it 35256 163 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Habit - United Kingdom Today, I learned that the only reason most of my students come to my lectures is that they have a running bet on how many times I say "OK" in two hours. It was 137 last week. FML I agree, your life sucks 26667 You deserved it 9961 185 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Angela - United States Today, I went to the doctor's office. People kept staring at me and I couldn't figure out why. Later, I realized my sister's puppies had chewed a noticeable hole in my pants' crotch. FML I agree, your life sucks 28456 You deserved it 5563 142 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By almost jobless - United States Today, I was at work, photographing a baby boy. I grabbed a bench for him to use to hold himself upright. His mom asked if she should hold him instead, but I told her he'd be fine. Two seconds later, he fell backwards and brought the bench down on top of him. There goes my job. FML I agree, your life sucks 11591 You deserved it 32698 115 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Bawsack Today, I dyed my hair. It was all going well, until I forgot I had a head full of product and scratched an itch. I didn't realise my mistake until later, and now have to replace my six-month old sofa because it has a huge stain that alternates from purple to bleach. FML I agree, your life sucks 2321 You deserved it 3010 20 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By rhplb - Philippines - Quezon City Today, I arrived to work at exactly 8 so I could leave at exactly 5, without overtime. I found out later that my brother took my keys with him somewhere and now I can't enter the house until he gets back at 11. FML I agree, your life sucks 11031 You deserved it 867 24 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ijustwantpizza - Australia - Brisbane Today, I was having a cheat meal after 2 weeks of strict dieting. When I opened the pizza box, I saw a cockroach. It'd been baked into the cheese. FML I agree, your life sucks 38484 You deserved it 7547 125 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By daremetobecooler - United States Today, I saw a letter from Geneseo that invited me to apply to the honors college. Excited, I wrote the required two page essay on how I am organized. I then saw the strict deadline was March 15th. My little brother thought it would be funny to hide my mail. For the past seven weeks. FML I agree, your life sucks 81773 You deserved it 3378 160 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
Today, I had to resort to telling my boyfriend that I have a praise kink, just so that he would actually compliment me. FML I agree, your life sucks 630 You deserved it 184 2 Comments
Today, I had a huge argument with my wife because I declined a lunch invite with a married couple who live nearby. My wife has severe social anxiety, so... I agree, your life sucks 1115 You deserved it 171 11 Comments