Today, I was taking a shower and I saw a new body wash that said "Radiance Ribbons." That sounded a little effeminate, but it smelled manly enough and the only alternative was normal soap, so I used it. Just now, I stepped out into the sun and found out what "Radiance Ribbons" means. I sparkle. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend and her friends mocked my "fragile masculinity" because I bought men's body wash instead of sharing her body wash. Her body wash is full of glitter, which irritates my skin horribly. FML
Today, my mom was gifted with a toiletry basket. I grabbed the lotion and used it without asking. When I went out, it began raining hard. I got wet and noticed my skin got very sticky. Turns out the lotion was actually body wash. People were wondering why soap bubbles were coming from my skin. FML
Today, I sparkled because of this glitter bar my mother got me from Lush. I didn't realize until after I got out of the shower that it wasn't just ordinary soap. I tried to wipe off the glitter. It wouldn't come off. FML
Today, I showered with my favorite soaps, and I used my favorite perfumes and lotions too. I layered my scents to get a nice fruity, girly scent, which helps boosts my confidence. My husband walked in the bedroom when I was done and said that it smelled like cheesy garlic bread. FML
Today, my husband bought a luxury soap that smells like lemons. Now, every time I wash my private parts in the shower, it smells like a special at Red Lobster. FML
Today, when I woke up, I got into the bath that my boyfriend had prepared for me. I particularly appreciated its smell, so I asked him what he'd used. "I couldn't find the usual bath salts you use, so I just used what I could." It's official, I've taken a Alka-Seltzer flavored bath. FML
Today, I was really badly sunburnt, so I put on some after-sun. The only type we have has glitter in it, and now I look like a sparkling tomato. FML
Today, I found out the crappy shampoo I've been borrowing from my girlfriend is actually "feminine wash." FML
Today, I woke up and looked in the mirror and noticed that my face was covered in glitter. I asked my wife about it and she said she put it on me while I was sleeping so that I would sparkle like Edward from Twilight when I'm in the sunlight. FML
Today, my lips were dry and chapped, so I asked if I could use some of my friend's chapstick. She didn't mind, so I quickly put some on. Only later did I notice that my lips were sparkly. Turns out it was glitter balm. Now everyone calls me "princess." FML
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Top comments
barroomhero 0
It's okay, every girl who sees you will jump you.
Fml37 0
You don't sparkle, you flame :p
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Comments (599)
TheLetterZero 7
Congratulations! You are now similar to a failure who thinks he's a vampire! Such a disgrace to vampires, that book...
redbluegreen 41
Hey, at least you smell manly.
blarney 0
hope you find a nice boyfriend. hahaha.
awoodenhouse 0
my god, how disturbing is it that we all immediately think of glimmering vampires when we read this... **** you, edward cullen. **** you.
indian_goddess 0
lol! agreed
Dranoel_Nyletak 0
I agree. **** our lives for being corrupted by such utter stupidity as glittering vampires. :P
The_Dreamer 0
completely agree. THAT's why I came in to see the comments! I knew everyone was gonna mention Edward Cullen! lol! I think I'm gonna use the bodywash so I can make this Twilight-obsessed girl notice me! lol
strawberry_78 0
Edward Cullen effect :) nothing wrong with that!
shananigans 0
Unless he gets jumped by rabid fangirls.
kaitlynadele 0
yes there is.
ZeroZenX 0
You'll pick up all the underage girls now heh. Good luck.
slinkiess 0
haha you stole what i was going to say. i like your style, #2.
XvxvX 0
Em, actually everythings wrong about that... rabid fangirls..gay guys..shimmery glow... lol
A_Wolfe 0
I'm 17 and a lesbian, but I still love Edward Cullen. I'd hit it.
Lonely_Lez 0
lol, exact same for me only I'm not 17.
imkendra 0
LOL!
pizz0wn3d 0
twilight fags gtfo. You assholes ruined this FML for me.
lifeislife_fml 0
I agree. Twilight is probably the shittiest thing I've ever read.
carolinepwns 0
AGREED x 1,000,000
friscocali 0
Wait, you had to read it to figure that out? I'm pretty sure twilight is the shittiest thing I've never read, and that includes a lot.
americayay 0
#242 OBVIOUSLY that includes a lot. It's really very unfair to judge people for liking a book you've never read.
StealthStorm67 0
You don't have to read it, just the fact that a million butt-******* ugly girls are obsessed and have their lives revolve around "vampires" and some fictionary dude. And some retarded girls killed themselves over it? Seriously this books worse than a ******* cult. And I can talk, cuz i watched about half the movie....Well, i went to a girls house and she wanted me to watch it with her, but it was so ******* gay, I just got head from her to take my mind off that stupid shit.
kaengelangeleyes 9
Wow Stealthstorm, calm your hormones. You dont have to watch it. Damn.