Today, I had a phone interview with my potential new boss. I... - FML

By jobless - 7/5/2009 21:10 - United States

Today, I had a phone interview with my potential new boss. I was getting excited about the prospects of landing a great job. I had nailed every question the man asked me and right after he told me he'll call me tomorrow if he wants me to come in I sweetly said, "Talk to you tomorrow, Love you" FML

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Incognito browsing

Not a cheating!

Vicious and unprovoked

By Anonymous - 14/11/2010 09:42 - United States

Today, I tried on the new dress I bought for myself. I, for once, thought I looked pretty all right. I asked my dog, "How do I look?" and she threw up on my pillow. My brother can't stop laughing. FML

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By jesus christ, dad - 6/9/2013 16:48 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Knock first

Today, for the third time since breakfast, I accidentally walked in on my father wanking. FML

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By still broke and jobless - 17/9/2015 20:24 - United States

Today, I saw a missed call on my phone. Thinking it was one of the multiple jobs I applied for, I called back. Turns out it was just a debt collector. FML

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By chairlee - 7/11/2009 08:12 - United States

Today, I stepped on a piece of glass and sliced my right foot open. Hobbling to get my first aid kit, I tripped and stepped on a pair of heels, and sliced my left foot open. FML

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By DLS - 18/2/2010 18:05 - United States

Today, I realised I know the map on World of Warcraft better than the map of my own country. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/1/2011 00:10 - United States

Today, I called the college of my dreams to check the status of my application. Turns out they "never received" copies of my transcripts. They did however cash the $70 application fee that was mailed with them. FML

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By Goldo - 22/6/2009 20:06 - United States

Today, my boss hired a feng shui consultant for our small office space. I am the only full-time employee besides the owners, and I work as an unpaid intern. My company would rather pay someone to rearrange my desk than pay me to work at it. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/4/2009 21:40 - United States

Today, for the first time ever, a woman saw my penis. I am 30 years old. The woman was my doctor. She snorted to cover a laugh and apologized. FML

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By whatisthisidonteven - 23/9/2012 09:23 - Israel - Ramat Gan

Today, I was scheduled for an interview at a local firm owned by two partners. The secretary told me to be there at around 12:00 to 12:30 pm, so I arrived at 12:15. The first boss told me off for being early, the other one yelled at me for being late. FML

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By wtf_fml_0609 - 1/11/2010 16:43 - United States

Today, I have a huge meeting with the big executives of the company I work at. I have to be there in 10 minutes. I'm stuck on the toilet with the runs because I thought it would be a good idea to eat hot chicken wings last night. FML

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By scaredy cat - 9/8/2020 14:02

Wuss

Today, my boyfriend is completely obsessed with zombie and horror movies. I don’t care what he watches, the only problem is the big wuss has horrible thrashing nightmares. Last night he thrashed so hard, he elbowed me in the face. I have a big swollen purple knot right on my forehead. FML

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By EmBAREassed - 31/7/2009 13:43 - United States

Today, I was walking around Walmart feeling pretty good about myself as I received numerous looks from guys in passing. All of a sudden a man approached me to tell me that my dress was extremely see-through. And, since I was wearing a thong, he and everyone else could totally see my ass. FML

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By GirlishMan1883897 - 24/7/2010 10:53 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me because she said I was more of a woman than she was. I yelled out, "I HATE YOU!" and started to cry. She then took a tampon out of her purse, handed it to me, laughed, and walked away. FML

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By robzzz - 16/2/2012 07:13 - Canada

Stuck

Today, I'm forced to eat half a package of saltine crackers in my room for dinner. I can't go downstairs to the kitchen because my two roommates are going at it on our kitchen table. FML

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By Bambi - 12/8/2009 06:49 - United States

Today, I crashed my car. I saw a deer getting ready to run into the middle of the road, and I was very sleepy, so I panicked and slammed on the brakes, causing me to lose control of the car on the wet road. After I hit a tree, I realized that the deer was a plastic lawn ornament. FML

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By donguigeek - 24/12/2015 04:32 - France

Today, my 4-year-old son is distraught. This morning we saw a man, dressed as Santa, passed out drunk on a public bench. My son is now convinced that it was his corpse, and that Santa Claus is dead. FML

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By yayibs - 4/12/2015 03:21 - United States - Williamstown

Today, while working at my desk alone and with my headphones in, I suddenly let loose a loud stream of gas. As I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, I saw, in the reflection of my laptop, that my roommate had been sitting silently on the couch right behind me. FML

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By Lousydriver - 18/8/2011 13:07 - Canada

Today, I was about to drive out of a parking lot. The space in front of me was empty, so I figured I could drive forward. I'd not noticed that there was a median in front, and my car got stuck. FML

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By RheaDitto - 18/6/2019 01:08

Today, after sending and receiving hundreds of hints, I mustered up the courage to ask my best friend out. He completely ignored my words, and went on to tell me all about his mother's intestinal bug. FML

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By erectioninfection - 1/5/2009 18:21 - United States

Today, I had an ultrasound in fear of testicular cancer. I apparently signed papers allowing an intern to do it for practice. She was in her early 20s and smoking hot so as she was rubbing jelly on my testes I got an erection. FML

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By wiper - 4/5/2011 03:12

Today, my dad hid the toilet paper and is charging me 50 cents a roll. FML

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By Nofatforme - 6/9/2009 04:19 - Canada

Today, I saw a girl I haven't seen in 4 years. She used to like me back then. Since then I have lost 50 pounds, and never had the confidence to ask her out. She said I looked really sexy so I decided to ask her out on a date then and there. She said no, she only likes fat guys. FML

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By RahiYeah09 - 17/9/2009 18:45 - United States

Today, I was in the 'intimacy' section of Walmart. After grabbing 2 boxes of condoms and a vibrating ring I turn around to see my ex boyfriend's mom. I smile awkwardly and put my head down as I walk away, causing me to colide with his dad and send my 'goodies' all over the floor. FML

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By scared to leave the house - 20/8/2012 09:14 - Canada - Williams Lake

Today, I was at Starbucks after having a rough day. The old man beside me was talking to his friend. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him point at me and say, "See that beautiful girl over there?" Flattered, I listened closer, until he finished his statement with, "She's gonna die." FML

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By BOOMerang - 24/9/2009 21:39 - United States

Today, I played with a boomerang my first time. I didn't believe that when you threw it, it comes right back to you. It flew back all right. And broke my nose. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/6/2011 01:11 - Canada

Today, I was driving my motorcycle, and I noticed someone was in the ditch, so I went to go help them. When the ambulance showed up, they ran over my bike, totaling it. FML

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By helen_ - 23/4/2009 15:51 - United States

Today, I had to go to my 10 year old son's school to talk about my job being a chef. As I was almost finished, I asked the kids "What would you like to do when you grow up?" Without hesitation one kid replied with a straight face , "Anything but being a douchebag like you." FML

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By Me - 10/9/2010 05:30 - United States

Today, my family and I argued whether getting a period or boner in the middle of class was worse. At the dinner table. FML

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By janae - 6/8/2018 23:30

Today, I discovered that I am pregnant. I questioned my boyfriend and he admitted to not using a condom because he thought we were just doing "practice sex". FML

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By Marcus - 20/1/2019 18:00

Today, my keys disappeared out of my car door during the 50 foot walk to the trash can. When I finally went to security after trying to find them, they said someone drove off with my car right as I walked in the door. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/8/2009 00:25 - United States

Today, I was woken up by a loud noise, which I thought was an earthquake. It sounded like a car had driven right into my living room. Which was exactly what it was. FML

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By shouldhavecheckedthelock - 29/5/2011 01:56 - United States

Today, after having not used my laptop since January because I thought it was broken, I found out that the key lock has been on the whole time. FML

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By CALIdime_15 - 5/5/2012 05:42 - United States

Today, I watched my boyfriend have a full on conversation with his penis. He also talks to his penis nicer than he talks to me. FML

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By LadyLump - 24/1/2010 18:12 - United States

Today, I was ecstatic after spending the night with my longtime crush, when he told me he felt something. I poured my heart and soul out to him, confessing my love for him too. Unfortunately, he was referring to a lump in my left breast, which I now need to get checked out. FML

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By zerom - 23/7/2011 00:52 - France

Today, I was discussing the traffic with my brother. He said the most common car colour is red. I said it was black. We ended up betting €100 on which three vehicles of either colour would pass by our house first. It seems a convoy of fire trucks had somewhere to be in a hurry. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/3/2011 07:17 - United States

Today, while having sex, I thought I was having an orgasm for the first time. Turns out I was just hyperventilating. FML

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By clublulu - 10/4/2009 02:40 - United States

Today, I absentmindedly stuck two magnets in my mouth while talking, and accidentally swallowed them. I had to go the emergency room. The nurses at the station laughed at me. They thought it was a joke. They couldn't believe an 18 year old would swallow magnets. FML

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By tomchuq - 30/8/2009 07:12 - United States

Today, I realized I can hold a pencil in my fat rolls. FML

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By yikes :/ - 22/5/2017 18:00

Today, the cute coworker who's been flirting with me drove me home. While I was contemplating asking him to kiss me, he politely told me to, "Please get out, I promised my girlfriend I'd pick her up." FML

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By Anonymous - 16/9/2014 17:44 - Netherlands - Haarlem

Today, my husband and I broke the news that I'm pregnant. Our 8-year-old son's reactions so far have been crying inconsolably, trying to punch me in the stomach, and swearing that he won't let me give him a brother or sister. FML

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Top comments

By xXStayPrettyXx | 0

#178447 - Friday 8 May 2009 2:06

Haha, that really makes sense though, since it is mostly a reflex to say 'Love you' at the end of a phone conversation.

But perhaps it'll get you brownie points?
"No, no, I want to hire that one guy. He said he loves me."

By YLIF | 0

#178417 - Friday 8 May 2009 2:02

oops, you must have been nervous

COMMENTS

By lmfao93 | 0

#178413 - Friday 8 May 2009 2:02

firstt!! that sux tho..ur boss might be like wth??

By YLIF | 0

#178417 - Friday 8 May 2009 2:02

oops, you must have been nervous

Reply

pingpongpickle | 8

#1022320 - Monday 7 June 2010 5:12

I said olive juice, I swear!!

By Wolf_fml | 0

#178421 - Friday 8 May 2009 2:02

Your not getting that job

Reply

Ninjasaurus18 | 9

#4598213 - Friday 22 June 2012 3:01

*you're

By evanescence_fml | 7

#178423 - Friday 8 May 2009 2:02

nice.

By xxmollyxx | 25

#178425 - Friday 8 May 2009 2:03

Well that's just silly!

By fosizzlemynizzlE | 0

#178426 - Friday 8 May 2009 2:03

i hate it when i do that...
but yeah i do that all the time when talking on the phone, its kinda annoying

By esagalyn | 0

#178427 - Friday 8 May 2009 2:03

I've done that before... granted, not in a job interview. That's the kind of think that you can explain and then the two of you will have a good laugh.

By xXStayPrettyXx | 0

#178447 - Friday 8 May 2009 2:06

Haha, that really makes sense though, since it is mostly a reflex to say 'Love you' at the end of a phone conversation.

But perhaps it'll get you brownie points?
"No, no, I want to hire that one guy. He said he loves me."

Reply

Justin23L | 2

#3997663 - Monday 6 February 2012 1:49

I did this to my ex once. :/

Reply

nabee26 | 15

#4671936 - Tuesday 10 July 2012 14:51

I think you meant hire that girl, not guy. Lol

By SoFreakinNaive | 0

#178459 - Friday 8 May 2009 2:08

hahah! what the fuhh?!

By simplewhimsy | 0

#178468 - Friday 8 May 2009 2:10

I didn't even rate that one either way. 0o That's just an odd thing to say.