Work: Today, I had a phone interview with my potential new boss. I... - FML

By jobless - United States

Today, I had a phone interview with my potential new boss. I was getting excited about the prospects of landing a great job. I had nailed every question the man asked me and right after he told me he'll call me tomorrow if he wants me to come in I sweetly said, "Talk to you tomorrow, Love you" FML

I agree, your life sucks

25310

You deserved it

58232

Tweet

Share

Bitch ass move

Drained

Shark-infested offices

By tikizombie - Canada

Today, I was moving out of my old place. While walking around to make sure I would get my damage deposit back, I stepped on my roommate's lipstick and smeared it all over the white carpet. Then, I tripped on the phone cord and ripped the whole thing out of the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35123

You deserved it

8351

Tweet

Share

By Jessica - United States

Today, I got a job babysitting two really sweet kids. When their parents left, they told me that their cat had died. I told them how sorry I was, to which one of them replied, "That's okay. We still have him in a box. Wanna see?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

25059

You deserved it

2132

Tweet

Share

By Paicked - Australia

Today, my boyfriend told me he loves me. Instead of saying it back, I had a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25301

You deserved it

17628

Tweet

Share

By Wounded_irony

Today, I was wearing flip flops whilst putting out the trash, and was careful not to step near the broken glass surrounding the trash cans. My mother ran up to me hysterically warning me about the glass, which startled me and caused me to step on a shard, slicing my foot open. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3821

You deserved it

576

Tweet

Share

By techiefIve - United States

Today, I was eating Star Wars gummy candies and I bit R2-D2 in half. My girlfriend looked at it and said "Oh look, now he's R1-D1". It was super cute, but I couldn't help thinking, "That's not how the numbering system works for droids." FML

I agree, your life sucks

16554

You deserved it

53310

Tweet

Share

By helper - Costa Rica

Today, while dining at a restaurant I heard a women choking. I immediately ran to her, wrapped my arms around her and started giving her abdominal thrusts. She freed herself and slapped me. Turns out she wasn't choking, she was just laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16559

You deserved it

34517

Tweet

Share

By malicemassacre

Capitalism kills

Today, the county I live in is quarantined. My boss announced that, "We keep working until the government says they will shoot us if we leave the house.” We work in a call center. Not essential at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1893

You deserved it

207

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States

Today, I was surprised that my husband suggested we take a shower together to save water. He also suggested we should wear our bathing suits so we don't have to see each others "privates." FML

I agree, your life sucks

58052

You deserved it

4942

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, an intoxicated homeless man tried to chase me out of a McDonald's because he thought I was President Obama. I'm a 26-year-old white woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35420

You deserved it

2915

Tweet

Share

By littl3storm

Time for the ER

Today, my brace broke and due to Covid-19, I can't get it fixed for another month and a half. Four brackets have come off, the wire is sinking into my gum, giving me tooth and jaw pain. I can't eat and I'm spending excessive amounts of money on pain relief. The cause of all this? A cheese pasty. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1729

You deserved it

229

Tweet

Share

By lindora - 14/9/2020 17:00 - Canada - Richmond Hill

Whoop-di-scoop-di-poop

Today, I counted 3 weeks since my new roommate scooped the poop out of her two cats' litter boxes. Also, she keeps rubbing in my face that she takes such good care of the cats, and I can only pretend to nod in agreement. There’s five more months on the lease. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1125

You deserved it

192

Tweet

Share

By AAA guy - United States

Today, while on the job I accidentally locked my keys and all of my equipment in the car. I work for the AAA. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31242

You deserved it

5532

Tweet

Share

By ohsugarxo - United States

Today, I was at my only sister's wedding. She gave a speech about the person who means the most to her. She said, "She is my favorite sister who has always been there for me." Being her only sister, I got up to hug her. Turns out she was talking about her slutty sorority sister. Not me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57225

You deserved it

3990

Tweet

Share

By both are dimwitted - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my ex called, saying she's 3 months pregnant. She seems to have forgotten that we haven't been in the same room, much less friends, in over a year. My dimwitted wife thinks the baby is mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42379

You deserved it

4631

Tweet

Share

By Doggy... - Australia

Today, my neighbours watched and laughed as I chased my dog around the lawn, trying to rescue the only clean pair of underwear I had in my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25659

You deserved it

9857

Tweet

Share

By Foreveralone - United States - Hartford

Today, I was told I'm not invited to my best friend's birthday party. Apparently, being divorced and childless doesn't "mesh" well with the rest of the group. My parents are still watching her kids so she can go away for the weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12995

You deserved it

873

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Derry

Today, on my first day of sailing practice, I managed to sit on a metal cleat. After being admitted to the ER, I was informed that I had two vaginal lacerations that needed surgery. The nurse tried to convince me it was my lucky day, because the hospital café was serving vanilla pudding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44372

You deserved it

4089

Tweet

Share

By doubledown - United States

Today, I went to the bar I go to every week. My favorite bartender told me I owed $50 for a tab because the waiter screwed up and undercharged me. The tab was from when my friends bought me drinks to cheer me up because my girlfriend moved away. I ended up paying for my own drinks plus theirs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52095

You deserved it

3429

Tweet

Share

By greeter - Canada - Willow Grove

Today, my class had a very important meeting about workplace safety. I thought I led some of my classmates to the meeting very well, until they informed me that I accidentally ran a red light on the way there. They brought this infraction up during the class every chance they got. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11023

You deserved it

3349

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Winter Springs

Today, I finally realized that when my seemingly very judgmental fiancé makes negative comments about other women, it's actually just an excuse to keep ogling them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43525

You deserved it

5953

Tweet

Share

By partygirlxxx - United States

Today, for my birthday, my brother gave me some of those fake 'Harry Potter' edible cockroaches. I ate one. It wasn't fake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59629

You deserved it

9693

Tweet

Share

By sad guy - United States

Today, a huge and angry man stormed into my work and threatened to kill me if I didn't stop sleeping with his wife. He then threatened to come back and kick my ass if I so much as texted his wife again. The problem is, I'm married, have never cheated and I work for my wife's father. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58197

You deserved it

3095

Tweet

Share

By embarassed_chick - United States

Today, I got my first period. My dad bought me a card and had everyone in my family sign it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57603

You deserved it

4762

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I sent my main man a picture of the two of us out on our second date. He immediately added it to his MySpace account, with the caption, "clubbin with my hoe." FML

I agree, your life sucks

24346

You deserved it

9563

Tweet

Share

By Username - United States

Today, I cleaned up my dog's crap after my wife asked me. 5 minutes later she yelled at me for being lazy as she slammed the door leaving for work. My dog shit in the exact same spot apparently to make me look stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38596

You deserved it

3700

Tweet

Share

By Anthony - United States

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend due to the fact that she's been cheating on me with my best friend for the past year. She said I was overreacting, and to grow a pair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43854

You deserved it

3852

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Rockford

Today, my car broke down. The good news is I can afford to have it fixed. The bad news is paying for the fix will wipe out my savings, which I need to get certified for a non-minimum-wage job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12953

You deserved it

843

Tweet

Share

By DumbLackofLuck - United States

Today, I waited until the last minute to do my Christmas shopping. Today, I also discovered that my bank account has been frozen due to suspicious activity. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28751

You deserved it

8937

Tweet

Share

By hickey - United States

Today, I made out with my friend for the first time. He gave me a hickey that can't be hidden. I'm the president of my church youth group and I have to help give a seminar on keeping your body like a holy temple... Tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11905

You deserved it

62199

Tweet

Share

By sambo99 - United Kingdom

Today, it's my birthday. So far I have received: the news that my parents are divorcing, a dead bird and a pile of shit left on my bed (courtesy of the cat), a rash all over my face, and some slippers from my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37528

You deserved it

3255

Tweet

Share

By Crish - 22/11/2020 05:05 - Italy

Simple plan

Today, I was patiently explaining to my boyfriend what I liked in bed, after several weeks of unsatisfactory sex. He snapped at me and said, "80% of women fake their orgasms. Why can't you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

1537

You deserved it

137

Tweet

Share

By Angry Mob - Australia - Sydney

Today, most of my neighbours came to my house in an angry mob to complain about my dog barking. I don't have a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34104

You deserved it

2319

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Colonial Beach

Today, I was in a restroom, reading this site, when another gentleman walked in. He washed his hands, dried them, nodded at me, then left. It wouldn't ordinarily be so weird, except I was in a one-person restroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54094

You deserved it

8910

Tweet

Share

By FirmlyInEngland - United Kingdom

Today, the boy I have crush on at school announced that his family were moving to Australia. My friend thought that it would be funny to spread a rumour that I was moving too, in order to follow him. Everyone has heard it, and unfortunately everyone believes it, including him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41131

You deserved it

5533

Tweet

Share

By minikat

Today, my parents woke me up and grounded me for the "disrespectful" things I said to them in my sleep. Apparently I say these things every night, and each time I do they extend the grounding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3990

You deserved it

241

Tweet

Share

By anonymous1 - United States

Today, my sister and I got fitted for bridesmaid's dresses. It was pretty sheer material, so I took off my bright pink thong and left it on the changing room hanger. As I was looking at myself in the mirror, a woman came out of the room holding my thong. She had tried it on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49565

You deserved it

10941

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia

The devil is in the details

Today, after cancelling work, arguing with my family, scrambling to pack my bags, speeding to the airport and filling in immigration forms to fly out to have a much needed holiday, I wasn't allowed to check in. My passport has less than 6 months away from expiration on it. Yes, that's a thing, apparently. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1290

You deserved it

1288

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia - Ipswich

Today, I was cycling with my uncle and became increasingly frustrated as we got further and further from our intended destination. It took me a while to figure out that I had somehow lost my uncle and was following a complete stranger. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11339

You deserved it

25646

Tweet

Share

By

Touched for the very first time

Today, I went to a new doctor. She asked me how long I had been sexually active. I said I'm not. I'm 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2236

You deserved it

329

Tweet

Share

By Cellphonetroubles - Canada

Today, I was laughing at a story of a girl who had dropped her cellphone in a hottub and ruined it. As I was feeling pretty good about myself, I then realized that my cellphone was in the pocket of a sweater that I had just thrown in the washer 20 minutes prior. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7662

You deserved it

47926

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By xXStayPrettyXx | 0

#178447 - Friday 8 May 2009 2:06

Haha, that really makes sense though, since it is mostly a reflex to say 'Love you' at the end of a phone conversation.

But perhaps it'll get you brownie points?
"No, no, I want to hire that one guy. He said he loves me."

By YLIF | 0

#178417 - Friday 8 May 2009 2:02

oops, you must have been nervous

COMMENTS

By lmfao93 | 0

#178413 - Friday 8 May 2009 2:02

firstt!! that sux tho..ur boss might be like wth??

By YLIF | 0

#178417 - Friday 8 May 2009 2:02

oops, you must have been nervous

Reply

pingpongpickle | 8

#1022320 - Monday 7 June 2010 5:12

I said olive juice, I swear!!

By Wolf_fml | 0

#178421 - Friday 8 May 2009 2:02

Your not getting that job

Reply

Ninjasaurus18 | 9

#4598213 - Friday 22 June 2012 3:01

*you're

By evanescence_fml | 7

#178423 - Friday 8 May 2009 2:02

nice.

By xxmollyxx | 25

#178425 - Friday 8 May 2009 2:03

Well that's just silly!

By fosizzlemynizzlE | 0

#178426 - Friday 8 May 2009 2:03

i hate it when i do that...
but yeah i do that all the time when talking on the phone, its kinda annoying

By esagalyn | 0

#178427 - Friday 8 May 2009 2:03

I've done that before... granted, not in a job interview. That's the kind of think that you can explain and then the two of you will have a good laugh.

By xXStayPrettyXx | 0

#178447 - Friday 8 May 2009 2:06

Haha, that really makes sense though, since it is mostly a reflex to say 'Love you' at the end of a phone conversation.

But perhaps it'll get you brownie points?
"No, no, I want to hire that one guy. He said he loves me."

Reply

Justin23L | 2

#3997663 - Monday 6 February 2012 1:49

I did this to my ex once. :/

Reply

nabee26 | 15

#4671936 - Tuesday 10 July 2012 14:51

I think you meant hire that girl, not guy. Lol

By SoFreakinNaive | 0

#178459 - Friday 8 May 2009 2:08

hahah! what the fuhh?!

By simplewhimsy | 0

#178468 - Friday 8 May 2009 2:10

I didn't even rate that one either way. 0o That's just an odd thing to say.