Today, my toddler stood up in a shopping cart and fell, giving himself a black eye. Later, while at a restaurant, he tried to stand up in his high-chair. I quickly blurted out, "Sit down! Do you want another one of those?" while pointing at his eye. The waiter wouldn’t stop glaring at me. FML
Collection
College Life
Packed lecture halls, a sketchy roommate and frat parties: welcome to college, the real thing.
Today, I took my very talkative toddler to a grocery store. As we passed a woman in an aisle, my kid pointed and said loudly, "Mummy, why does that lady have such a funny face?" I had to awkwardly apologize while my face went beet red. FML
Today, I took my two-year-old out to dinner. During dinner, our son went to the bathroom three times. As we were getting ready to leave he kept saying he had to go potty. He had gone multiple times, so I thought he would be fine. As he stood up, a giant turd fell on the floor in front of everyone. FML
Today, I was at a restaurant when I made eye contact with a baby across the room. It smiled at me, so I smiled back. The baby immediately started screaming. Everyone stared at me like I'd just threatened it. FML
Today, I was eating at a restaurant in town, when a small boy started looking at me. I simply smiled and went back to eating, only to hear out of the corner of my ear, "Daddy, why does that kid's face look like that"? He said it so loud, the three tables next to us turned and looked. FML
Today, a customer at the restaurant where I work reduced me to tears by screaming at me, as I nearly knocked out his 2-year-old with the kitchen door, after he let the little boy play on the floor behind it. Apparently, it's my fault I can't see through solid wood. FML
Today, I tripped getting on an escalator and instinctively grabbed the nearest person to steady myself. That person was a toddler. The mom screamed, I fell anyway, and the toddler just stared at me like I’d ruined his whole week. FML
Today, I was sitting down in a store when a stroller stopped by me. While the parents were fixing the strap, the baby looked at me, gasped, looked at me again, gasped, and then screamed. Ten minutes later, another baby looked at me and screamed. My face scares babies. FML
Today, my toddler repeated a very inappropriate word I'd said when I'd stubbed my toe. He chose to do this in the middle of a crowded supermarket, loudly, and repeatedly. Now the whole town probably thinks I have questionable parenting skills. FML
Today, my coworker and I were sitting and eating lunch. We noticed a little kid kept staring at us, and every time we looked away he would come a little bit closer. When he was right behind us, I looked and was startled enough to jump. The parents were three tables down, laughing uncontrollably. FML
Today, I was bringing a table a bowl of soup at my waitressing job. A new customer taking off his coat threw his elbow out, violently knocking the soup out of my hands and onto his baby in a highchair. The baby screamed; I had a panic attack. FML
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Top comments
lol_ironic_life 9
Now the waiter thinks that you're an abusive parent. Watch your back OP, your toddler is trying to put you away while he plans to rule the world!
DakotaCat 4
We all know he didn't fall off a cart... He's actually the world's youngest professional boxer
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Comments (118)
very_ugly_girl 0
You should not have to explain yourself to people if they have an issue with you.
very_ugly_girl 0
that is not funny at all. What is wrong with you????
element115 0
that's got to look bad
H3ALTHFR3AK 0
very ugly girl, your comments suck. guess ur ugly inside and out :D
GoingLesbian 0
LMFAO oh damn! That's amusing. Glare back =D Just for some kicks xD
DocBastard 40
Beating a toddler is NEVER right. You start the beatings when they are infants, so by the time they are 2, they know who's boss. If that doesn't work, you have to resort to the dungeon.
uffiewuffie 0
re read it, dipwad.
fistnazal 10
what do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
monnanon 14
nothing. your jaw is still wired shut from the last time you tried to hit her. Thats right, i took your sexist joke and ruined it.
juliaaalove 8
ahhah! #42
fistnazal 10
it wasn't a joke
fistnazal 10
lol tooo easyyyyy
you_freak 7
#42 WIN!
thirdtesticle 0
#42 FTW!
monnanon 14
wow my reply was recieved better than i thought. :D and what do you mean by too easy??
nistar_fml 0
you baby must be cute
easwhitey 0
What's wrong with hittimg a toddler? Jk that sucks OP
Sparkiee93 3
Haha... the same thing happened to my parents when I was a baby, exept I ran into a wall and bruised the whole right side of my face from eye to chin and I think some lady tried to yell at them.