Today, my toddler stood up in a shopping cart and fell, giving himself a black eye. Later, while at a restaurant, he tried to stand up in his high-chair. I quickly blurted out, "Sit down! Do you want another one of those?" while pointing at his eye. The waiter wouldn’t stop glaring at me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I took my very talkative toddler to a grocery store. As we passed a woman in an aisle, my kid pointed and said loudly, "Mummy, why does that lady have such a funny face?" I had to awkwardly apologize while my face went beet red. FML
Today, I took my two-year-old out to dinner. During dinner, our son went to the bathroom three times. As we were getting ready to leave he kept saying he had to go potty. He had gone multiple times, so I thought he would be fine. As he stood up, a giant turd fell on the floor in front of everyone. FML
Today, I was at a restaurant when I made eye contact with a baby across the room. It smiled at me, so I smiled back. The baby immediately started screaming. Everyone stared at me like I'd just threatened it. FML
Today, I was eating at a restaurant in town, when a small boy started looking at me. I simply smiled and went back to eating, only to hear out of the corner of my ear, "Daddy, why does that kid's face look like that"? He said it so loud, the three tables next to us turned and looked. FML
Today, a customer at the restaurant where I work reduced me to tears by screaming at me, as I nearly knocked out his 2-year-old with the kitchen door, after he let the little boy play on the floor behind it. Apparently, it's my fault I can't see through solid wood. FML
Today, I tripped getting on an escalator and instinctively grabbed the nearest person to steady myself. That person was a toddler. The mom screamed, I fell anyway, and the toddler just stared at me like I’d ruined his whole week. FML
Today, I was sitting down in a store when a stroller stopped by me. While the parents were fixing the strap, the baby looked at me, gasped, looked at me again, gasped, and then screamed. Ten minutes later, another baby looked at me and screamed. My face scares babies. FML
Today, my toddler repeated a very inappropriate word I'd said when I'd stubbed my toe. He chose to do this in the middle of a crowded supermarket, loudly, and repeatedly. Now the whole town probably thinks I have questionable parenting skills. FML
Today, my coworker and I were sitting and eating lunch. We noticed a little kid kept staring at us, and every time we looked away he would come a little bit closer. When he was right behind us, I looked and was startled enough to jump. The parents were three tables down, laughing uncontrollably. FML
Today, I was bringing a table a bowl of soup at my waitressing job. A new customer taking off his coat threw his elbow out, violently knocking the soup out of my hands and onto his baby in a highchair. The baby screamed; I had a panic attack. FML
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Top comments
lol_ironic_life 9
Now the waiter thinks that you're an abusive parent. Watch your back OP, your toddler is trying to put you away while he plans to rule the world!
DakotaCat 4
We all know he didn't fall off a cart... He's actually the world's youngest professional boxer
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Comments (118)
wcstcomic 0
I love all the pretentious "smart" people on this thread, and countless others on FML that preach "Think before you speak!" First of all, you make it sound like you've never blurted out something in your life that made you look silly in context. And secondly, and I think most importantly, I do believe the next time my toddler is about to hurt themselves, I will think really carefully about what some nosy waiter is going to think about what I'm about to say, instead of just blurting something out quickly so my child actually stops before hurting themselves. You must have a real interesting life when you can spend so much time plotting out every single word you say. Oh wait no, it's just really easy to blame people when you're behind a computer screen.
the_elephant_fly 3
haha that's what I was thinking!
MyS3lf 24
I usually sit in FRONT of my screen, thinking of what I'm going to say before I post it, so I don't sound like an idiot. Of course, I always practice the "Think before you speak" rule, especially when talking to children. But then again I usually pay enough attention to my child that they don't get into situations where I have to stupidly blurt something out to keep them from hurting themselves. Gosh, being an attentive parent, what a concept!!
afjrotccadet 0
your a bad parent }:(
jamrho3708 0
learn proper grammar then perhaps you can judge a skill you clearly will never obtain
Poilo_fml 0
did he really fall out of the cart?
Garlic_fml 0
Geez! That sucks..but it is crazy funny!
tweet456 0
what kind of a mother are you?! you just don't know how to discipline your kid!
kit_gonzalez 0
that is very poor choice of words, especially when around strangers
mdkid 0
lmfao I'm tearing up
IloveHer4Ever 0
lol that sounds funny xD want an other one of those? XD you punch ur kid in the eye? lol bad bad bad
livyyyy 0
you so did not deserve that from a waiter.....god people r sooooooo judgmental now!
sublime420 11
Hope he didn't get a tip.